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Old 07-08-2008, 09:58 AM   #16
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Re: He can't deal with my cats...

What you don't seem to get is that you're a horrible person if you DON'T put the cats' needs ahead of your bfs! Your bf is a human being, he can take care of himself. But your cats are domesticated and depend on you for food, water, shelter and a safe place. You're currently not providing them with that and you're in fact going to make it worse by kicking one out and torturing the other with a completely dangerous surgery.

It's time for you to wake up and realize that this guy you're with is an idiot and a loser and a lot of people A LOT of people told you this a long time ago when you posted about this before that this situation will NEVER work out. But you didn't listen and you went along with what your bf said, anyway. And you can see now that everyone was right. So you've been with him for 2 years, big deal? I'll bet your cats have been with you a lot longer and they will continue to be with you long after this idiot is out of your life, unless you let him control the situation in which case they will likely end up dead and it will be your fault for not putting their needs ahead of his.

I'm sorry but I don't have any sympathy for you in this situation, but I have a ton of sympathy for those cats. You knew he was bad news from the beginning, and you knew he hated your cats before any of this stuff started happening, but you willingly went into the situation anyway. Your eyes were wide open and you knew what was going to happen. So, what are you going to do now? I sure hope for your cats' sake that you do the right thing and dump the idiot because those cats don't deserve to be treated like this. They deserve a way better life than this.

 
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Old 07-08-2008, 10:06 AM   #17
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Re: He can't deal with my cats...

Ok this is what i'm thinking.. he only wants your cat being declawed so he can torture it without getting scratched..

My boyfriend personally hates cats for whatever reason, and if I did own one he probably wouldn't have gotten involved with me, and that would be fine, it's his life-his choice. But I wouldn't have gotten involved with him if I did own cats..because that wouldn't make sense IMO..

And you're right your bf has brainwashed and manipulated you.. so if you realize it now, put a stop to it, it's up to you.

 
Old 07-08-2008, 10:24 AM   #18
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Re: He can't deal with my cats...

Wow--as much as you say you love these cats because they love you...you aren't giving them the security and love they deserve. And if your bf hates cats so much why in the world did he go in that room without you present? That does sound creepy. Its like he is intentionally torturing them or whatever because as much as he "hates" them then why is he not leaving them alone?; why then go in their room?? I agree with the other posted. My cat, who I have had 5 years has seen so many guys come and go from casual relationships and to serious ones and the guys are nowhere to be found and here she is with me still cuddling up to me at night in bed. The cats are part of you--like your babies; so he needed to accept them as something part of you. Sounds like hes being controlling, not to mention, are your cats this weird around other people or just him? Maybe something you want to consider. Animals have a good sense of judgement in character...maybe the cats are trying to tell you something?!?!?!?

 
Old 07-08-2008, 10:32 AM   #19
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Re: He can't deal with my cats...

Quote:
Originally Posted by mannie8 View Post
I think I have been brain washed by my BF who keeps telling me that I'm not normal for putting the cats before him and that if I let our relatisonship die b/c of the cats then I'm a horrible person. I considered letting the one outside and declawing the other to protect them really. I realize that sounds crazy, but if the one was outside he would be away from my BF and happier and if the other didn't have claws then somehow my BF would get along with her better. He has told me over and over again that I haven't done anything to make him feel more comfortable living with cats that hate him. He got to me! That's why I'm here b/c I really think I have changed for the worst being with him. I have always defended the cats and put them first, which is the source of our problem b/c he thinks I love them more than him. The truth is ina way I do, because they love me so much, but I don't want to be seen as a horrible person b/c I'm letting our 2 year relationship end b/c I wouldn't do anything to try and make the situation better. Does that make sense?
You want to make one an outdoor cat to protect him? Are you serious? You are going to expose him to all kinds of things he has NEVER KNOWN because of that loser? And you're going to declaw the other one? Why? So your boyfriend can do whatever he pleases without getting scratched? You can't allow that or justify that at all. It's just all so wrong on so many levels. Talk about a major manipulator!

Lets say you do stay with this jerk and send the one cat outside and declaw the other. Then lets say you get married and get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby. Now this baby starts crying and your "husband" can't comfort him/her. Then he shakes him/her to get him/her to stop. Do you see where I'm going with this?

This is NOT the kind of man you want a future with! Those abusive hands can turn on you or any children you may have. He is a selfish and abusive bully and you are crazy to put him before your cats or you!

Last edited by happymom28; 07-08-2008 at 10:33 AM.

 
Old 07-08-2008, 11:38 AM   #20
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Re: He can't deal with my cats...

I didn't read all your post...didn't have too.....didn't read any of the replies either....(time shortage) but will be HAPPY to offer advice with limited info! GET RID OF HIM! SIMPLE! You aquire animals for the life of that animal...BFs are a dime a dozen honey....go pick you out a new one!

Mileena

 
Old 07-08-2008, 11:47 AM   #21
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Re: He can't deal with my cats...

Most animal shelters won't even allow you to adopt a pet unless you agree, in writing, to care for the animal for the life of that animal. And they also have a clause in the contract which states that they have right of first refusal if you decide to get rid of the animal you adopted, because they would rather take it back than to have it left out to fend for itself in the outdoors.

So, what are you going to do? Are you going to allow a rude and spiteful mean person to control your life? Or are you going to do the RIGHT thing and get rid of him and start loving your cats again? Because if I was them, I'd probably have run away from home by now. They are so obviously upset and scared and they probably think you don't care about them because you're allowing this interloper in their lives who tortures them and takes pleasure from doing so. You know, majority of serial killers start out by torturing small animals first and then they move up to humans. Just something to keep in mind.

 
Old 07-08-2008, 11:48 AM   #22
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Re: He can't deal with my cats...

Your boyfriend is a pot smoking (going from past posts) animal abuser, and now a liar. Stop being in the dark and get rid of him. I always said that you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat animals. Many serial killers abused animals as well. I am not saying he is a serial killer, but I am trying to convey how twisted and dangerous people can be who hurt defenseless animals. He doesn't have to like your cats, but that doesn't give him the right to hurt them.

I know you have posted about this issue in the past. Obviously this issue hasn't gotten any better. Do you really expect him to change? I am wondering why you are still with him? You deserve better...and so do your cats!

 
Old 07-08-2008, 11:51 AM   #23
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Re: He can't deal with my cats...

Quote:
Originally Posted by mannie8 View Post
I think I have been brain washed by my BF who keeps telling me that I'm not normal for putting the cats before him and that if I let our relatisonship die b/c of the cats then I'm a horrible person. I considered letting the one outside and declawing the other to protect them really. I realize that sounds crazy, but if the one was outside he would be away from my BF and happier and if the other didn't have claws then somehow my BF would get along with her better. He has told me over and over again that I haven't done anything to make him feel more comfortable living with cats that hate him. He got to me! That's why I'm here b/c I really think I have changed for the worst being with him. I have always defended the cats and put them first, which is the source of our problem b/c he thinks I love them more than him. The truth is ina way I do, because they love me so much, but I don't want to be seen as a horrible person b/c I'm letting our 2 year relationship end b/c I wouldn't do anything to try and make the situation better. Does that make sense?
he's manipulating you......if he really loved you he wouldn't ASK you to do such a thing......
if he really loved you, what's important to you would be important to him.....
you do love the cats more, and you SHOULD

 
Old 07-08-2008, 12:41 PM   #24
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Re: He can't deal with my cats...

I don't know what my problem is. I've known for a long time that we aren't compatible yet I have stayed with him. I'm not afraid of being alone, I make enough money to support myself, I just think I'm such a nice person and I don't want to hurt him so I have exhausted every last ditch effort to keep us going, to find hope, anything to keep us together. And now look, I am sacrificing my cats' needs and I know deep down inside things won't be better.
I think I just needed a good slap in the face. Now I just have to face him and his manipulation and somehow get out of this peacefully. I've been in this spot before (as you can see from previous posts). I am almost numb to the fact of us breaking up because it has almost become a reality so many times before.
I want nothing more than the best for me and my cats and my BF isn't good for us. Wish me the strength to leave and find a better life!

 
Old 07-08-2008, 01:16 PM   #25
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Re: He can't deal with my cats...

I'm glad that you see he is no good and you need to end it. But please don't think you are going to get out of this "peacefully". Chances are he is going to get nasty and make you feel like a lousy person for "choosing the cats over him". You are going to need to be prepared for things to turn ugly. Do you have a friend or family member you can call to be there with you when you talk to him? It's not like they have to be in the same room or he even has to know they are there (they can be in another room listening). Just please make sure you let someone else know what is going on just in case, okay?

 
Old 07-08-2008, 01:35 PM   #26
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Re: He can't deal with my cats...

Take him out in public and tell him. What if he grabs the cats as "revenge" on you for choosing them over you? How would you feel if he does something terrible to them while you stand there screaming? He's jealous of the cats, as insane as that is, and he may do something terrible to them to get back at you.

Go out in public, somewhere like a restaurant, and tell him that you are choosing to no longer live your life with him. Emphasize that it's your choice and that although his behavior toward your cats is a factor, you have decided that he's just not the right one for you. Expect him to get angry, cry, beg, throw a tantrum, etc. If you are prepared you will be better able to deal with his reaction. And don't put it off to "think it over" because you may delay one day too late and then something truly terrible can happen to your cats and to you.

jennie, I just suggested adoption because obviously the cats are in a dangerous environment and in my opinion, a foster home where they will be safe is preferable to a home where they will definitely be abused. I do feel for all the animals that people got tired of, or didn't want to deal with, or abused, but those cats need to be out of there if mannie8 chooses to stay in her relationship.

 
Old 07-08-2008, 01:46 PM   #27
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Re: He can't deal with my cats...

now you're talkin'.......
I hope you do it
does he have a key to your place? I'd change the locks first if he does.....
don't back down, you and your cats deserve better.

 
Old 07-08-2008, 02:53 PM   #28
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Re: He can't deal with my cats...

mannie, I think that is a wonderful breakthrough. Keep listening to yourself and stay strong. Next time you go on a date (which I know is something you are not even thinking about, but it will happen in time) ask right up front how they feel about animals. You are a good person to be taking care of pets.

Simply tell your boyfriend that you are not compatible. Try not to bring the cats into it. He can cry and moan all he wants about the cats, but you can keep it about mutual respect and not being forced to change yourself for him. Afterall, isn't that what this is about? Him wanting to change who you are as a person? Respecting your property?

Redneon's intentions were meant to be good so I understand what she was trying to say. It is hard to find caregivers for all animals. I have fostered cats and found homes for them as well. It is a very difficult, yet rewarding experience.

I once dated a guy whom I really liked as far as looks were concerned. A few weeks into dating, he made a comment about how he hated dogs and thought pets were worthless. It made me sick. I knew he was someone I couldn't be with. We broke up shortly afterward, as I started to find all kinds of flaws in him that I had never seen before.

Best of luck.

Last edited by KeltoKel; 07-08-2008 at 02:57 PM.

 
Old 07-08-2008, 03:15 PM   #29
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Re: He can't deal with my cats...

Personally I wouldn't even bring up the cats as any sort of reason to break up because he sounds evil(where did the blood come from?) and would do harm to the cats and even possibly kill them to retaliate against you! People who will torture an animal would also harm a person! Not someone to keep hanging on to IMHO!
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Old 07-10-2008, 01:51 PM   #30
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Re: He can't deal with my cats...

jennie, we're agreeing, just stating it in a different way...bottom line, what the bf is proposing is cruel and the fact that she is even considering it...declawing one and tossing the other out when it's been a domesticated house animal...impossible!

I'd like to know the outcome...my heart breaks to think they actually went through with this horrible plan. I'd like to know that it didn't happen and the bf is the one who went!

 
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