HealthBoards

HealthBoards (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/)
-   Relationship Health (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/)
-   -   He can't deal with my cats... (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/615851-he-cant-deal-my-cats.html)

mannie8 07-08-2008 07:01 AM

He can't deal with my cats...
 
My BF has always had a looming problem with my cats. For whatever reason, they have never liked him. They have always had a problem with people outside of me, they are scaredy cats. My BF takes it personally. He just can't get over it. It bothers him to no end that they don't like him. They started off hissing at him which caused him to react like an [COLOR="Red"]{removed} [/COLOR]and chase them out of the room or things like that. This has snowballed and escalated. Eventually my girl cat accepted his presence and stopped hissing and acted normal around him. But the other one still hates him. He howls and sometimes pees himself anytime my BF gets near him. It's awful. I understand my cat has a behavioral problem, but my BF just won't back off, no matter how many times I ask him to. He says I am choosing the cats over him and I'm more concerned with their comfort level than his. We argue about it ALL the time. I just think that he should be the smart one of the bunch and not provoke them to the point where it's going to turn into a situation that upsets me. I don't like seeing my cats in such a state of terror whenever he is near. He just pushes it though, saying it will only help them get used to him, it's good for them, I shelter and baby them, etc. UGH!
Anyway we moved into a new home last week and Sunday was the first day the cats arrived. We decided to put them into an empty bedroom so they wouldn't be overwhelmed with the whole house. I visited them Sunday night by myself, went to bed, fed them Monday morning and went to work. When I got home from work my BF suggested we go in to visit them together. (They do a lot better around him as long as I'm there). I didn't want him to go in, but if I said no it would have turned into an argument, so I reluctantly agreed. First thing that was odd was the door was locked. I know I didn't lock it and he said he didn't know why it was locked either. OK...so we unlocked and went in. It WREAKED like one of the cats missed the litter box. On top of that the ceiling fan was on and I remember turning it off before I left. I looked at him and asked if he had been in there while I was at work. He said No. Then I noticed other things that weren't the way I left them...their blankets were moved, their water bowl had been knocked into and spilled, both cats were in their carriers and wouldn't come out. I asked him again if he had been in there. He insisted he hadn't. I told him he had to of because these things weren't the way I left them. I pointed out the water bowl - he said they always knock it over. I pointed out the fan was on - he said he looked in and it smelled so he turned on the fan. This just wasn't adding up....Then I noticed that the door to one of the cat's carriers was on backwards and pretty much broken. So I started to get upset b/c he was hiding something from me. He finally told me that he had been in there to try and play with the girl. He wouldn't explain the door on the carrier. He said if he told me that I would get upset b/c I don't agree with the way he handles the cats. I persisted and demanded he tell me what happened. He wouldn't say much, then began to get upset with me b/c I wouldn't drop it. I left the room to cool off and clean up the mess in the room. That's when I noticed blood spots on the carpet and wall. [COLOR="red"]{removed} [/COLOR]So again, I go to him and say I have just one question...why is there blood on the carpet? He said I don't know. I had it. I said you know I don't know how I'm supposed to trust you when you can't be honest with me and went on a little rant about honesty and trust in a relationship. He said he lied and wouldn't tell me everything b/c he knew how I would react and he wanted to avoid a fight.

So I still have no clue what went on in that room. He isn't confessing and the cats can't talk. No one is limping, I can't find the source of the blood, they seem to be fine emotionally with me. But still I know the type of encounters they have had in the past and my BF has said to me at one time "you're lucky I don't have a gun".

I'm foolish for being in this relationship right? I feel so stuck!

rosequartz 07-08-2008 07:09 AM

Re: He can't deal with my cats...
 
get rid of the BF, keep the cats.....
get him out of your life before he hurts or kills your cats.
I had a BF like that once, I couldn't even feel safe in my own house for fear that he would do something to my dog.....

Kszan 07-08-2008 07:11 AM

Re: He can't deal with my cats...
 
I'm going to tell you something that I've learned and realized over the years. I have 2 cats. 15 years old and 13 years old. Over the course of the time I've owned those cats, I've had 5 long term relationships. FIVE. And guess what? In each case, the guy is nowhere to be found, and yet my cats are still by my side. Why? Because pets are the one thing in life that will give you truly unconditional love and will NEVER cheat on you. You can never say that about another human being, ever. Because people lie, they cheat, they let you down, they stop loving you for stupid reasons, etc. But pets? They will be there for you until the day they can no longer lift their head, and even then they will try to carry on as usual because they care more about your feelings than their own.

THAT is why I would personally get rid of the guy and keep the cats and realize how lucky I am to have 2 awesome animals who will always stand by me no matter what happens in my life.

I'm telling you right now, boyfriends come and go, they always do. They can't be trusted. But your pets will truly give you unconditional love and support and they won't ever hurt you the way a stupid boyfriend can and will.

janewhite1 07-08-2008 07:16 AM

Re: He can't deal with my cats...
 
I'd be a little afraid around anyone who's violent toward animals for no good reason.

BeaTrade 07-08-2008 08:14 AM

Re: He can't deal with my cats...
 
I am not a cat lover myself...they are fine in someone else's house but I don't want them in my house...but jeez...that story is just plain old creeping me out! What the heck did he do to those poor cats. I'm imagining him locking them up in a carrier and throwing it around the room...I mean how do you explain the carrier door being on backwards? YIKES!!!!! AND BLOOD! Did HE have scratches by any chance, was it his blood? Let's hope anyway!

happymom28 07-08-2008 08:17 AM

Re: He can't deal with my cats...
 
If I'm not mistaken (and please correct me if I'm wrong) you have posted about the cats and your boyfriend before, right?

His lying and his excuses for the lying are bad enough. But now you have to add onto that the fact that he is being cruel to defenseless animals. There was blood for crying out loud. He's not talking and the cats can't so the only thing you really have to go on is what you saw. Your eyes are not lying to you. Do you trust yourself or your boyfriend who admitted to lying to you so you "wouldn't get mad"?

I say dump the loser and keep the cats, but it's your choice.

WorriednNervous 07-08-2008 08:19 AM

Re: He can't deal with my cats...
 
I know there are gonna be people that disagree but I would boot the boyfriend before you could say the word later. This boy has teased and tormented been mean and hateful to your cats and he wonders why they don't like him. They have a good reason to not like him. From what you have stated here I would be very very worried about what exactly he does to those cats when you are not around. He could be hitting them kicking them gosh knows what. Please get rid of the guy and find someone who cares about you your feelings and your pets.

mannie8 07-08-2008 08:28 AM

Re: He can't deal with my cats...
 
Nope, if he were scratched he would have let me know. He had an encounter with one of them before - His story is that the cat was hiding in a box (which he does anytime he hears my BF coming) and he reached in to get something and out jumped my cat who latched on his arm clawing and biting him. I felt bad, I believed him, and told him I would look into declawing them both which I have been against from the very beginning. NOW with this recent suspicious event, I'm wondering if that story was true or not. I don't doubt my cat scratched him, he had the marks to prove it, but WHY? Did he really just reach into the box or did he go after him??

He won't tell me what happened b/c he knows I wouldn't approve of how he handled the situation. I've "scolded" him before with the way he handles them. He has picked one up by the scruff of the neck to put them in the basement. I'd say he dropped her onto the third or fourth step instead of putting her down gently. I saw him do that and told him that I hate him. That was just one more fight about my cats.

After he was "attacked" by my cat last time, he suggested that we make him an outdoor cat and that we declaw the other one and keep her indoors. It was either that or we break up. So I agreed. Now he's pressing me, after only 1 day of them being moved in, asking if I made the declaw appointment and when am I putting the other cat outside. I just don't want to do either now that he has obviously done something wrong and won't fess up to it.

Kszan 07-08-2008 08:32 AM

Re: He can't deal with my cats...
 
Alright, seriously. You need to stop and think about what you're doing. I remember you posting about this before. I can't believe you're seriously going to torture your cat and declaw her, in the meantime exposing your other cat to the dangerous outdoors just to appease some idiot guy who treats them like crap anyway? Don't you see how wrong that is??? You know, maybe you're just not cut out to own pets. Because you just don't seem to understand the seriousness of what's going on here and how badly your cats need a loving home. It's a shame that no one else is seeing this behavior and reporting it to the humane society or something because those cats need to be placed in a loving environment and they're just not getting it by living with Skippy the Wonderboy who apparently throws the carriers around with the cats in them and then expects you to torture them for his selfish reasons. Absolutely disgusting. I'm completely and totally disgusted and I really wish you'd stop making excuses for this loser guy and start realizing what's going on here. I feel terrible for your cats and I really hope someone takes them away before they end up dead because of something stupid your bf did to them.

ergo4 07-08-2008 08:33 AM

Re: He can't deal with my cats...
 
I had a boyfriend once, not that long ago, that had a cat that did not like me. It was a strange thing since I'm a total cat person (I have no children, my cat means a great deal to me) and cats usually gravitate to me. But for whatever reason, this cat did not like to share time or space with me and my ex-boyfriend. She even peed on me on several occasions! She was sometimes jumpy with me and it was unnerving especially when she swatted at me when I was trying to show her affection.

I loved my then boyfriend, so I loved his cat too. I never criticized his cat. I did my best to become friends with the cat and, in the end, she eventually did warm up to me but only slightly. I would do the same all over again if necessary (luckily current boyfriend's cats adore me). I would never mistreat an animal and I would respect the bond that my partner has with their long-time pets. I guess I worry about people that cannot treat pets well or seem to have to just "tolerate" them. And, in this case, it seems worse since he knows that they are important to you.

WorriednNervous 07-08-2008 08:35 AM

Re: He can't deal with my cats...
 
Everything you have posted here and in your previous thread screams this is not a good guy. Why are you still hanging around? Are you hoping he will change over time. This guy is abusive to your cats has demanded they get declawed (I am so against that trimming the nails work just fine) and booting one out the door. I see bad things for the future of this relationship if you give in to his demands.

Kszan 07-08-2008 08:38 AM

Re: He can't deal with my cats...
 
That's another thing.... Animals live on instinct. Dogs and cats are especially good at figuring out really quick whether people are good or bad. My cats never hide from anyone unless it's been someone who has in some way hurt me. Dogs are really good at determining peoples' motives as well, usually. If your cats don't like your bf it's probably because they know what a jerk he is, and they're waiting for you to wake up and realize it too. Unfortunately they can't tell you this verbally, but they want you to come to that conclusion as well. I'm sure they realize their own safety is at stake, because that's a basic instinct that animals have, and that's why they are not getting along with them. And if my cats felt that threatened and upset over a guy, especially a guy who I saw was throwing them off the stairs and doing all kinds of crazy things, he would be out the door faster than you could say Cat Litter!! I can't believe you're so blind that you would allow him to continue torturing your cats while you're not around and then actually agree to torture them even more just for him. It doesn't make sense to me and that's why I really don't think you should have cats. You just don't understand cats and you're not a good pet owner, that's all there is to it. If you cared about them at all, you wouldn't even consider staying with this guy and agreeing to all of his ridiculous demands!

Ms_ENV27 07-08-2008 08:47 AM

Re: He can't deal with my cats...
 
I definitely agree with Kszan!

You're allowing this loser bf of yours to have full control when he doesn't even deserve an ounce of control, IMO he's creepy and a weirdo. If the cats don't like him, why does he even go near them? He doesn't have to, it's his choice to torment them, ugh such a loser. But you'd actually torment your cats and declaw them for some weirdo... :nono: If I were you, I'd be ashamed of myself for even considering doing something so drastic and painful to my animals for some guy who treats me like crap anyway..

mannie8 07-08-2008 08:47 AM

Re: He can't deal with my cats...
 
I think I have been brain washed by my BF who keeps telling me that I'm not normal for putting the cats before him and that if I let our relatisonship die b/c of the cats then I'm a horrible person. I considered letting the one outside and declawing the other to protect them really. I realize that sounds crazy, but if the one was outside he would be away from my BF and happier and if the other didn't have claws then somehow my BF would get along with her better. He has told me over and over again that I haven't done anything to make him feel more comfortable living with cats that hate him. He got to me! That's why I'm here b/c I really think I have changed for the worst being with him. I have always defended the cats and put them first, which is the source of our problem b/c he thinks I love them more than him. The truth is ina way I do, because they love me so much, but I don't want to be seen as a horrible person b/c I'm letting our 2 year relationship end b/c I wouldn't do anything to try and make the situation better. Does that make sense?

starissa 07-08-2008 08:47 AM

Re: He can't deal with my cats...
 
I am a total cat cat lover, i actually have 11 that are well loved and life wouldnt be the same without them. I wont date someone who doesnt like animals. I agree that something is not right with this guy and as hard as it is I think you need to really sit down and think about getting rid of him. The fact that he isnt honest with you about going in the cat room, wanting to make one and outdoor cat, those things are not right. Once a lier usually always a lier.


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:49 AM.