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Old 07-12-2008, 07:20 AM   #1
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breakup - depressed

hi all - i've been going through a really tough time. i broke up with my boyfriend of three years seven weeks ago tomorrow. i can't seem to feel any better. i've done it all - spend time with friends, read new books, new hobbies, pampered myself. i just can't seem to shake him.

long story short, i dumped him but we are very much still in love with each other. however, he had no respect for me or our relationship. he didn't treat me well and he did something to me that was unforgiveable (I dont want to get into that but trust me, the breakup was justified...even he admitted that he screwed up royally). even through all of this, i want to go running back to him but even when i was in the relationship i knew it was wrong, so why do i want him back?! i have never felt this much pain in my life. i am so lonely and the anxiety is killing me. i thought this was supposed to get BETTER over time!

there are days where i am ready to get up and start fresh - i feel so good. but inevitably i end up feeling like i did when i woke up this morning, lonely, depressed, abandoned, hopeless and panicked. i can't stop crying.

i just dont know what to do - i feel so hopeless.

any advice would be great.

 
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Old 07-12-2008, 10:34 PM   #2
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Re: breakup - depressed

Quote:
Originally Posted by jamie1981 View Post
hi all - i've been going through a really tough time. i broke up with my boyfriend of three years seven weeks ago tomorrow. i can't seem to feel any better. i've done it all - spend time with friends, read new books, new hobbies, pampered myself. i just can't seem to shake him.

long story short, i dumped him but we are very much still in love with each other. however, he had no respect for me or our relationship. he didn't treat me well and he did something to me that was unforgiveable (I dont want to get into that but trust me, the breakup was justified...even he admitted that he screwed up royally). even through all of this, i want to go running back to him but even when i was in the relationship i knew it was wrong, so why do i want him back?! i have never felt this much pain in my life. i am so lonely and the anxiety is killing me. i thought this was supposed to get BETTER over time!

there are days where i am ready to get up and start fresh - i feel so good. but inevitably i end up feeling like i did when i woke up this morning, lonely, depressed, abandoned, hopeless and panicked. i can't stop crying.

i just dont know what to do - i feel so hopeless.

any advice would be great.

HI Jamie1981,

I am going through a breakup as well. If you read my thread "a heartache story" you will know a little more about it. The guy who posted on my thread made a lot of sense(i forgot his name)....take a look...

Anyways I feel the same as you. Some days are great! I get up got play tennis, jog with my sis, go to to the book store, talk with my dad, etc and i think 'if all the days could be like this'. Then there are others days....when i don't want to get out of bed, i don't leave the house. and stressed b/c i ate unhealthy foods and didn't workout. To make it all worst all of my friends are either married or in a long term relationship..they want to hang out but as couples...i love all my friends but i am not in the right state of mind to hang out with couples; the last thing i want to be is the third wheel...

My advice would be you are not the only one going through rough times. EVERYONE has told me it will get better....one day the good days will out weigh the bad. We must become stronger and stronger as we go so when we find the right one we will know it! Hope my words help.


Linds

 
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Old 07-13-2008, 12:02 AM   #3
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Re: breakup - depressed

Well maybe if you understand that he didn't love you might help you bring this to closure. Had he loved you then he would of never done anything to harm or hurt you in anyway. It is easy now to say I screwed up but believe me he didn't love you. I am surprised that you allowed him to treat you with disrespect for so long.
Seven weeks isn't very long to let go of pain. You are probably sliding in and out of the grief process...it might take you a year to get over the feelings but never go back...he never loved you...next time you love someone try keeping an open mind and not just believe he loves you just because you do. Good luck.

 
Old 07-15-2008, 10:38 AM   #4
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Re: breakup - depressed

I don't agree that he doesn't love you...we don't know that. Sometimes people do the best they can and their intention is not to harm or hurt us. Sometimes they are short with their mouth or they don't process everything they say and they hurt us...unintentionally. We don't know what he did....but love is accepting someone as they are (warts and all).

Unless he physically abused or cheated, etc. Then maybe this is the best he could do. Some men don't think (most of them I think...LOL) so much like we women do.... Some don't even think to say hi...how are you? How was our day? Mindless...thoughtless but it doesn't mean they don't love or care for you.

Good luck. 7 Weeks is short....especially for a 3 year relationship. Nobody knows what the future holds.

 
Old 07-15-2008, 11:31 AM   #5
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Re: breakup - depressed

Quote:
Originally Posted by jamie1981 View Post

long story short, i dumped him but we are very much still in love with each other. however, he had no respect for me or our relationship. he didn't treat me well and he did something to me that was unforgiveable (I dont want to get into that but trust me, the breakup was justified...even he admitted that he screwed up royally).
how can you be very much still in love with a man who has no respect for you or your relationship? It's not possible.......
I believe your definition of LOVE is incorrect......
If it's unforgiveable, then you need to stop talking to him and cut all contact.......or are you hoping he can talk you into coming back.....

 
Old 07-16-2008, 03:24 AM   #6
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Re: breakup - depressed

A relationship that dies (or is killed) affects you the same as if a person has died. You have the grieving process to go through. This is what is happening with you. When you have grieved enough, you will raise your head and join the world again. In the meantime, don't beat yourself up for feeling a perfectly natural grief for what you have lost. And don't slink back to the ex, your problems with him will still be there in all their ghastly glory to prolong the whole thing beyond reason. Good luck, Sera

 
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