It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-19-2008, 10:00 AM   #1
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 598
MrZeely HB User
So i created a good pro/con list of my relationship. Need input.

As you guys know, the relationship i am in started off very badly. Nothing was right in the first place, and it really damaged me as a person, and what this relationship could have been. She has a history of promiscuity, drugs (which i am against for my own reasons), and she rubbed stories of both in my face as an attempt to get my attention. In all reality, it hurt my self esteem, hurt my trust in her, and potentially it is the single thing that ruined this relationship. I stay in it because i love her, and i know she loves me. So i made a good pro/con list of the relationship, and like someone mentioned, many of the cons are problems with myself (not with her), i am aware of this. Also, some are more important than others.

PRO:
-I love her for who she is on the inside.
-She loves me for who i am on the inside.
-She is very patient with me, if i have a problem or an issue, she will work with me no matter how hard it is on her.
-She has a huge heart, she cares about everyone and everything. I admire her for that.
-She is smart.
-We have lots of fun, we can laugh and make fun out of anything possible, as long as we are together.
-She will do anything to make me happy, she compromises with things she completely hates. She watches sports with me, plays videogames (she started to like them), etc.
-She is beautiful physically.
-If it werent for the stories (which damaged everything), i could have seen myself being with her for the long run. But the stories sort of made everything unsure. I am saying this to show how great she is.
-She does so much to show that she cares, poems, notes, little signs, little gifts, big expensive gifts, etc.

CON:
-I love her for who she is on the inside, but around other people she puts on a front, and comes off horribly. I hate her little image she makes herself out to be.
-She is smart, but she doesnt apply herself at all, and it seems like she is really going nowhere with her life. She got accepted to college, but she keeps putting off advisement meetings, placement tests, etc. I try to motivate her.
-I have a messed up mind now, with all of the stories she told me, i will get a random mood swing because i remembered a story she told me.
-I literally have no trust in her. When she is out i make myself sick worrying she is cheating, when she tells me i just assume its a lie (which she has been lying lately to keep my feelings from being hurt). I have virtually no trust, its not good.
-We are both insecure over one another.
-She is gorgeous, and i am hideous. So you know this starts many problems, because she gets hit on all the time, i can count all the times i've been hit on in my life on one hand. This creates really bad insecurities, i always feel that she is looking at other guys, i feel intimidated by any more attractive guy than me, i dont trust her when shes out no matter what (even when shes with her mom, i dont trust her). This also makes me feel not good enough, i sort of feel like i dont belong, and that i might be being used because i dont belong.
-I dont particularly like a few of her activities. She likes to drink and party, and i've heard so many stories of the things she has done at parties that when she goes out i have the worst stress imaginable.

Thats a few in a nutshell, i might add more.

I need input.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 07-19-2008, 10:17 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Kszan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,989
Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
Re: So i created a good pro/con list of my relationship. Need input.

Your first paragraph before you even get into the pros/cons says it all. The list doesn't really change the fact that she's not good enough for you and that you're allowing yourself to be a doormat to her. I know you're hoping that someone here will say - hey, just give it another chance, maybe she'll come around. The problem is that "maybe" isn't certainty and judging by all of the posts you've ever put on here about her, she just keeps getting meaner and treating you worse than any of it getting any better.

So, you can go ahead and have this list if it makes you feel better and helps you categorize your thoughts or whatever, but it's not going to fix a relationship that has been broken for a long time and won't ever be able to be fixed. I think that you should probably just come to the realization that it's time to walk away. You're absolutely not happy and you'll continue to be unhappy as long as you stay with her.

 
Old 07-19-2008, 11:33 AM   #3
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 222
Lysander HB User
Re: So i created a good pro/con list of my relationship. Need input.

I have not read your previous posts, so I can't make a judgement call, but I found your cons list more telling about your own problems, Lazer. If you are insecure and have a negative self-image, you are going to be unhappy with anyone you're with. Likewise, the mood swings, the jealousy, the insecurity, you should do your part to recognize what part of those problems originate from yourself and not her.

The big red warning flags for me here are the partying. Some people do leave bad lifestyles behind, but more spiral back into them. I would be wary if she is still presenting herself as a bad girl--we are who we pretend to be. Does she keep the same friends as from that time? If so, that is a sure sign that she is headed back into drugs eventually.

 
Old 07-19-2008, 12:49 PM   #4
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 598
MrZeely HB User
Re: So i created a good pro/con list of my relationship. Need input.

She wouldnt ever go back to drugs, i am certain of this. But her little, i guess "slutty" acts are what im insecure about, i dont think she would, but you never know.

She dresses skanky too, because she says she has always been used to being only an object to all other guys, and thats the only way people will like her. I told her that i cant take it anymore, and if she keeps dressing in these little skanky clothes i will have to move on, because for one it says nasty things, and two it creates so many more insecurities that i shouldnt have. She said shes trying to change it, but i dont know if i believe that.

 
Old 07-19-2008, 03:22 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: nevermind
Posts: 539
emma j HB User
Re: So i created a good pro/con list of my relationship. Need input.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lazer 77 View Post
I stay in it because i love her, and i know she loves me.
before i got with my last bf i thought that once you loved each other that was all you need. i learnt vey quckly that sometimes love is just NOT enough. i've seen u post many many times about your problems with this relationship..mate i really thing its time to admit that this relationship is not good and is not going to, in the long run, going to work out.
you derserve to be happy and people do not change at all and it looks like this girl will not change to be the way you want her to be..
Yes you love her and it will take time but do u not think you should find someone who you don't have to make a pro and con list about..

Good luck..
__________________
If my life was written down in a book, you wouldn't get a single chapter, you would get the whole book.

Last edited by emma j; 07-19-2008 at 03:24 PM.

 
Old 07-19-2008, 03:55 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Kszan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,989
Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
Re: So i created a good pro/con list of my relationship. Need input.

Emma is right. Anytime you're at a point in a relationship where you feel you need to make a pro/con list whether or not you should stay with the person, it's a bad sign and it means it's time to move on. If it was a normal, healthy relationship, one that was worth saving, you wouldn't have to be making this kind of list in the first place. I'm sure everyone else will agree.

 
Old 07-19-2008, 04:11 PM   #7
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 598
MrZeely HB User
Re: So i created a good pro/con list of my relationship. Need input.

That is really true, i shouldnt need to make a list. Im hoping it heals over time so i dont have to do the list, but who knows where its going at this rate.

And Kszan, you're Polish?

 
Old 07-19-2008, 04:42 PM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Kszan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,989
Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
Re: So i created a good pro/con list of my relationship. Need input.

No, why did I do something backwards? My 2 best friends are Polish and I love them dearly!

 
Old 07-19-2008, 05:25 PM   #9
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 598
MrZeely HB User
Re: So i created a good pro/con list of my relationship. Need input.

Oh just wondering, Kszan in Polish is grits lol

 
Old 07-21-2008, 01:00 PM   #10
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 598
MrZeely HB User
Re: So i created a good pro/con list of my relationship. Need input.

Help please.

 
Old 07-21-2008, 01:01 PM   #11
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: California
Posts: 2,095
Redneon82 HB User
Re: So i created a good pro/con list of my relationship. Need input.

I thought you already broke up with her a while ago because she was flirting with someone at work?

 
Old 07-21-2008, 01:38 PM   #12
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 598
MrZeely HB User
Re: So i created a good pro/con list of my relationship. Need input.

I did, she explained it, and it made sense. She claims that the other manager told her she needs to be more friendly with the customers and more positive toward all of the employees (he tells me the same thing all the time), and he said "Why dont you be like Lacey" this other girl who works with us. She was acting EXACTLY the same way she does, she said she wasnt intending on flirting, but she understands thats how it came off, and she completely sees how it was flirting.

I still didnt take her back, but for 2 or 3 straight days she begged for me back, saying just one more try. So i gave that one more try.

 
Old 07-21-2008, 01:44 PM   #13
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 4,202
happymom28 HB User
Re: So i created a good pro/con list of my relationship. Need input.

I think you should've stayed broken up. What was the point of "one more chance" when you still can't get past the same old issues? Now you have this pro/con list. I agree that if you have to make one of those about your SO the writing is pretty much on the wall.

Is the only reason you gave her another chance because she made a convincing argument? Do you all of a sudden feel you can trust her and are secure in your relationship? If nothing has changed and you still are insecure and untrusting you have to end it or this cycle is going to continue over and over again. Do you really want that?

 
Old 07-21-2008, 01:45 PM   #14
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: California
Posts: 2,095
Redneon82 HB User
Re: So i created a good pro/con list of my relationship. Need input.

So has anything changed since then? Do you feel better about the relationship than you did before? Because you posted this list, it appears that you stil have unresolved issues about the relationship.


HM beat me to it...

Last edited by Redneon82; 07-21-2008 at 01:46 PM.

 
Old 07-21-2008, 02:01 PM   #15
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,358
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: So i created a good pro/con list of my relationship. Need input.

lazer....why spend your time writing a list.....it's not going to change anything....just be done with this goofy girl already.....

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Does stress, even "good" stress, accelerate this process? jojo1109 Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia 16 11-28-2009 10:56 PM
Confused about a current Relationship.. Adrenaline Relationship Health 15 01-28-2008 04:49 PM
relationship advice from someone outside my little world. kaykay18 Relationship Health 11 11-23-2006 11:22 AM
Relationship Regrets kj547 Relationship Health 13 07-21-2006 05:14 AM
Finding a Good Thyroid Physician BrianMastiff Thyroid Disorders 3 03-01-2006 10:57 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (273), rosequartz (255), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (160), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (103), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1013), Apollo123 (909), Titchou (859), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (755), midwest1 (671), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:46 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!