look at this e-mail I got today......I just laughed
Hey stranger, how have you been?
Sorry I haven't gotten back to you. I'm having phone and money issues.
I'll give you a call soon.
The band went into the studio and recorded 4 songs. They sound great. Now they want to do 8 more and make a full length c.d.
Ron's charging it to his credit card and we're giving him our gig money to pay him back.
I hope you're doing well. Bye for now. Hugs 2 u.
I'm not responding. I think this was prompted because they noticed my absense at their last show and Ron probably read him the riot act and told him to make nice.....
do you guys agree that I shouldn't respond? My guy friend says I should just write back and say "you gotta be kidding"
Oh I totally agree that you should not respond. I don't know if I am totally up to date on the issues here, as I have missed reading some of the post I am sure....but to this email? No, I wouldn't bother.....plus he needs a little taste of his own meds.
Mileena, I'll bring you up to date.....LOL
it's been over 5 weeks that I saw or talked to Louie, and I had called him probably 3 or 4 times within a couple weeks (back then) and he hadn't returned any of my calls or picked up the phone when I called, so I stopped calling and wrote him off.....
my 2 guy friends said this would happen, that he would just pop up like nothing is wrong and act like this.....this hey stranger stuff......
Ah, Rose, if I had a dime for every time this happened to me, with guys AND with friends..... Oh man, i'd be able to buy Healthboards and own it outright!!
Ok, so.... It was my sister's idea initially to stop calling/emailing/texting the person in question (whether it be a bf-type or just a guy I liked or a friend who was being an idiot), she said just don't contact them at all. And she said, You'll see they will eventually come crawling back, calling and/or emailing or texting again. And that's when you make yourself unavailable like they did to you.
So, my advice is the same - don't write back. Don't do anything. You can gloat a bit that he is crawling out of the woodwork all the sudden, but I don't think you should reply. And if he calls, I don't think you should answer. Because he had his chance, and he totally blew it. I'm so totally not about second chances anymore, and I know you're the same way. We've been through too many bs issues in our lives to believe in second chances anymore, am I right?
Stay strong, Rose. You know you're better off with a much less flaky guy who will actually be there for you and answer your calls. Even if it's just a simple, Hey I'm busy but I'll call you back later. Am I right?
hi Kszan - I will definately make myself unavailable. If he calls, I won't answer, let it go to the machine.....that's what he did to me. Let him see how it feels......that's if he even calls. He may not.....but either way, I'm not responding. Ya know, I have given 2nd chances before, and I would be willing to again if I really thought something would be different. Also depending on the circumstances. If someone cheated......no second chance. If someone just made a stupid mistake, maybe a second chance.....
but in this case, I don't think anything would be any different.....he would really have to work at getting a 2nd chance and I don't think he'd be willing to work that hard or put in the effort. And yes you are 100% right, I'd be better off with a less flaky guy who would actually make an effort......
I think you hit it on the head when you said he just didn't want to make the effort. Strange, I think this guy must like you.....and I would guess that he would contact you on and off as long as you allowed that....but the question is...as much as you care about him...are you willing to accept that small amount he is offering? I think this is the kind of relationship he wants...which may be why he is single...! However, here is the thing Rose....it isn't a shame to see him occasionally for your own needs... I know you probably have too much pride for that, and it would probably be friends with benefits and all that BS...but truthfully sometimes there are two people who meet up that WANT this and are perfectly satisfied with it....of course it will never grow or get too serious and you really have to be careful with your heart....
I have always wanted to be a woman like this....!! Just if the time and place were right then go for it, and if not it was no big deal until the next time...no one uses anyone....both knowing the rules of the game...(I know you didnt understand that at first, but I think he has made it loud and clear now, which was very unfair to you!) I never quite achieved being the noncaring female who could just "get laid" with no strings. I am still trying though!
mileena I've had friend with benefits relationships before, but that's not what I want with him. I liked him too much......I'm not sure if I can still say I LIKE him too much.....it may be past tense at this point. He wasn't even that aggressive that way, so there seemed to be more of a connection than just physical with him....
I couldn't do that with someone that could break my heart.....I could only do that with someone I wasn't that emotionally invested in.
Maybe you could write him back and say, "hey, congrats on the recording, maybe I'll be able to make it to one of the gigs to help support the band" [that is, the band, not him in particular] and then you should go to the show with someone very handsome
Keeping it brief and emotionless sends a message. Also, not answering him right away also sends a message that you have a life -- you are a busy woman. We all know that for whatever reason, guys seem to come on strong when you seem less available (I experienced this for a month solid with the guy I broke up with in June and am experiencing currently with "shy" guy who broke up with me -- I'm not initiating any contact with him to give him the "space" but he keeps messaging and calling me and I have been using my "buddy" voice with him).
that's funny mouse.....your "buddy" voice....LOL
I don't even think I want to congrat him about it.....
I'm laying low.....we'll see if I'm important enough for him to pursue.....and actually make a phone call to....
If he wants to talk to me, he needs to make an effort......just shooting off an e-mail saying hey stranger, isn't going to get me to jump......
I thought about that.....going to the show with a handsome guy, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that.......yes and no......
Oh no. Rose don't contact him, lay low...very low. Put your helmut on and go undeground to hide if you must! LOL!
Don't. He thinks he can do this and this must be his pattern with women. Prove to him you are not like anyone else. Take care of you and let him go to hell.
What would you tell someone after 5 weeks of no contact? He isn't into you....he met someone else and it didn't work out....he is having money issues and may want to take $$$$ from you?????? DON'T WALK MY DEAR...RUN.
I can sense you are tempted to engage in something Rosequartz. Don't know what but hey I don't blame ya - its only natural. But I think we all would like you to banish him from your thoughts and move on. You hold the power now - just ignore him and remove him from your life. No fuss no muss.
He isn't that into you and he can't just decide to run in and out of your life whenever it pleases him - please!
Delete him frm your inbox, smile, and be thankful you are mature and wise enough now, after learning your lessons from the past, to kick this kinda guy to the curb and not to waste your slightest bit of energy on someone like him. Do this while you're out on top, alright?
Last edited by bluesky123; 07-23-2008 at 03:18 PM.