Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: hull, uk
Boyfriend just stopped using cocaine..long story.
I need somewhere to get this all out of my system, for someone who isn't connected to me or my family to listen. I feel like a nag if I talk to my boyfriend about it, afterall, he's not using cocaine at the moment. I feel that me harping on about it all the time won't help him.
I'm 30 next month, my boyfriend has just turned 22. I have a 9 yr old daughter from my previous marriage, and we have a 7 week old baby boy together. He's very good with my daughter most of the time, and she can be a handful. When I met him I'd been through a rough time, I haven't had the best life since I was 17, and he promised me he would look after us like we deserve. Maybe foolishly I believed him.
We have been together a year and a half now, and we have had the same issues pop up all the time. I know he's still young, at his age I was painting the town red every weekend while my mum babysat my daughter, so I don't expect him to stay in with me all the time, but after a few months of living together he started spending all his spare time with some new friends he had made. Now, I'm no innocent, I've done my fair share of bad stuff, I was married to a drug dealer at 19, and before I got pregnant with my daughter I did weed, LSD, Ecstacy and speed. So I can see when someone is leading someone else astray. Anyway, I calmly explained that I never saw him anymore and staying awake till 2am waiting for him to come home wasn't fair. At that time he was smoking weed, nothing else. He eventually stopped staying out till all hours and I thought he would settle down and we could be a family.
We moved house to the other side of the city and for a while, about 6 months, he was my rock. I found out I was pregnant and he was wonderful about it all. I was looking forward to being a mummy again and having a stress free pregnancy. It was not meant to be. On Valentines day it started again. He had gone to give a friend a lift to get his girlfriend a present. He was gone for hours, he was busy getting stoned. My daughter had stayed at a friends house for the night and I'd cooked a special dinner. He knew this. At 10pm I gave up and ate alone, crying into my food, so disappointed that I had become second again to a joint. He came home and apologised, but by then it was too late, the night was ruined and I went to bed.
He settled down for a while, but gradually he started disappearing. He would start an argument and then wait for me to go to the bathroom and storm off in his van. Meanwhile I was left to explain to my daughter, and to sit worrying if he was dead or alive because he wouldnt answer the phone.
One night he just didn't come home. I was livid! I wrote him a letter and in the morning he was downstairs crying. He promised faithfuly that he would stop doing it, that he would support me in my pregnancy etc etc. Sadly, even when I was overdue, he was still running off to his friends houses till the early hours, leaving me to wonder how I would give birth by myself.
We moved house on the day my son was born. Obviously I was at the hospital, and he and his friends tried in vain to move all our belongings in one night. I did apppreciate them helping. I came out of hospital and truely believed that this would be the making of him. My son wasn't even a week old when he stayed out all night the first time. He stopped sleeping here for 4 weeks. we saw him for 30 minutes in a morning and that was all. He did continue going to work, but he would ring me in the evening to say he was on his way home, and just not turn up. I felt like a single parent. He missed the first 4 weeks of his sons life because he was off his head on pills and coke.
Last weekend he sat me down in the garden and confessed that he had been using cocaine and ecstacy since my son was born, the day he was born! But he assured me he isn't using now. I believe him. My huge problem is, I'm still really angry and upset that he discarded us for a 4 week binge with some idiots he thought were his friends. It's driving me mad that I can't forgive him for it. I'm also really angry that no one told me what was going on. The idiot who was selling it to him has two kids of his own, but chose to act dumb when I took my baby son to his house 3 weeks ago. He couldn't look me in the eye though. He had been encouraging my sons father to stay away from us, ridiculing him when he got a text message from me, or a phone call.
Now, this person is still trying to get my boyfriend to use. He's paid all the money he owes, but he is still texting him and ringing when he knows I'm not around. My boyfriend is honest with me and shows me, but I'm worried that 1) he will go back to it for a "quiet life" and 2) that this person will get nasty and then me and the kids are in danger. My boyfriend is naive, and this person saw that, took advantage and almost destroyed our family. I don't want to be calling the police when the dealer comes knocking, because I will lose my temper if he carries on harrassing my boyfriend.
I think really all I need is some coping strategies so I can calm down a bit and stop letting this rule my thoughts.
Thanks for reading this. XX