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Old 07-30-2008, 08:00 PM   #1
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mary65827 HB User
Exclamation One Night Stand

OK, here's the story: I'm a bartender and I recently had a one night stand with one of the regulars at the bar who also happens to be the owner's house mate. I don't really have the sensor to tell me when to shut up and ended up gossiping at the bar about our evening. I also found out that most of the people that go into that bar are his family, which I was unaware of. He told me that he was upset for me for gossiping about that night and I apologized but he still won't talk to me. He's even gone so far as to not even come into the bar when he knows I'm there. Now what? Will it blow over and everything will be fine or did I totally and completely mess this up?

 
Old 07-30-2008, 10:11 PM   #2
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Re: One Night Stand

mess what up? you had a one night stand, were you hoping for more? were you guys friends first? or are you just hoping to keep your job?

The only advice I can give is to just give it time and hopefully he will cool off. Just don't say any more about it to him or anyone else.

 
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Old 07-31-2008, 06:53 AM   #3
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Re: One Night Stand

Yeah, I don't think there's anything TO mess up between the two of you. It was just a one night stand. You've apologized, and that's all you can do. I don't really understand why this is such a big deal, though, unless you said something really horribly unlady-like, like going into graphic detail about everything and talking about his anatomy and things like that, which I hope you didn't. Keep your head up and do your job, be polite, respectful, professional but not too personal with the people in the bar, and remember for future reference, ladies don't kiss and tell.

 
Old 07-31-2008, 07:09 AM   #4
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Re: One Night Stand

Ok. It'd have been better to have said nothing about it, but I know, I know, sometimes it's just too difficult to stay silent. And then again you didn't exactly know whom you were talking to. Maybe he should have warned you about these people. By the way, is he married, engaged, or something, that precludes any kind of relationship/involvement with someone else? If he is single, what is absolutely wrong with a one-night-stand? We all do (did) it. Unless you were talking about a fetish of his, or some "abnormality" in his sexual behaviour that he is duly ashamed of. Which I don't think was the case. I agree with the other poster: relax and leave him alone. You may have made a mistake, but also he was too unforgiving and evasive. Maybe you should not dwell on any expectations about him whatever, if you ever had any before. Keep doing your job.

 
Old 07-31-2008, 11:10 AM   #5
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Re: One Night Stand

I was hoping for more. I had worked at this bar for a little over a month and he would come in with friends and hang out and b.s. with me a lot. I was hoping to keep my job as well, but I don't think that's going to happen because the owner is his house mate.

I don't think I said anything too unlady like. I showed a couple of people some very odd bruises and cuts that I had and said "you should see the other guy..." referring to him. Apparently he had bite marks and scratches all over.

I don't know if he warned me at all about the people at the bar because I can't remember a lot of that night. I know that this guy is very, very recently divorced and perhaps that was why he was so upset?

Last edited by mary65827; 07-31-2008 at 11:17 AM.

 
Old 07-31-2008, 11:37 AM   #6
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happymom28 HB User
Re: One Night Stand

Some people like to keep their private life, well, private. If you were hoping for more I'm not sure a one night stand or gossiping about it after the fact in a place he frequents was a good idea, but what can you do now? You appologized and that is all you can do. At this point I would act as if nothing happened and let him talk to you if he chooses to do so.

I don't think the fact that he was recently divorced is really a factor here. I think he really just didn't like that people in his social circle knew his business. I know I wouldn't. If I were him and if I were looking for more I think this probably would have changed my mind about the whole thing.

Sorry, I'm just being honest.

 
Old 07-31-2008, 12:02 PM   #7
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Re: One Night Stand

I think if it were the other way around, and he told all his buddies at his usual hangout about his night with you, you'd probably be bothered by it. We would all probably be castigating him for it!

I lost all respect for someone who had been a friend of mine because he said, in public, to a small group of buddies "I hit that", referring to a female friend of mine. I thought he was tacky and classless, and I told her that (she knew he said it, in fact, she's the one who told me).

But hey, it's a learning experience, and none of us would ever learn anything if we didn't do little "oops" now and then. Live & learn. I am sorry, though, that you lost your job over it. That sucks, but you'll be better equipped for your next job.

 
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