Hi everyone, Iím new to the whole message board thing but Iím really confused and need some objective advice. Iíve been in a relationship with a guy for 9 months. At first things were great, he was all the things I was looking for. He was also very clear on the fact that he was ready to settle down and start a family when he found the right person. He initiated us moving from ďjust datingĒ to actually being a couple and has introduced me to all his friends, taken me and my son to family day at his job everything. So for the past month or so heís been acting really weird, when I call he seems distant like he really doesnít want to talk to me and heís been short and even rude sometimes. 2 weeks ago he randomly asks me where I see this relationship going and says its clear my feelings for him are stronger than what he has for me. He tells me heís not sure if he even wants to be in a relationship, not because of anything I have done, but just because heís not happy with his life right now and has some issues he needs to work out. So when I got up to leave he didnít want me to go. He wanted me to stay with him because he ďjust wanted to be close to meĒ.
I also happen to be close friends with his best friends wife. After all this happened she told me that he was at their house talking about me and how bad he felt for what he said to me and how much he cared. He even told them that he was in love with me. However, he never says any of this stuff to me. The other day we had a big argument bc since he said all this stuff heís been calling me every day, not to talk about our relationship, but just to talk. He says the fact that he calls everyday is proof that he cares and wants to be with me, even though he wonít address whatís going on with us. I was frustrated bc I donít know what he wants and I feel like Iím wasting my time even dealing with him. I told him not to call me anymore. The next day I found out from his bf wife that he was planning on coming over to finally tell me how he really felt and what he wanted to do with our relationship. But obviously he didnít bc I blew up at him. So the next day I called just to apologize for some of the mean things I said, but thatís it (he didnít answer so I left my apology on the vm). I havenít spoken to him since.
I really want to believe he cares about me, but his actions are so confusing. If it wasnít for the wife giving me inside info I would think heís just not that into me anymore. Am I just being foolish and need to walk away now or should I hang in there until he gets himself together. I miss who he was before all this drama happened. He was a great guy that I grew to love, was all that just an act or is he running away because heís scared. I just donít know what to do or think and Iím really sad.
Sorry for being long winded, but you can only talk to your friends about the same subject so many times b4 they get tired of hearing about your relationship drama.
Instead of getting mad, blowing up or yelling at him, why don't you just calmly, rationally, ask him just what you've asked us? Just the way you asked us? Pretty much word for word. Neither of you is communicating very effective with the other. And the things he's telling his friend and the wife, are things he should be telling you directly. And tell him that. Try to keep the high-drama emotions out of it as much as possible, but just try to get at what's really going on. If he just doesn't want to talk about it with you, then if I were you, I'd step back. It really doesn't matter what he's telling his friends or your friends. So what if he tells his friends he's in love with you? If he then turns around and TREATS you like he's just not that into you, who cares what he just told his friends? It's only been 9 months, and I don't think that's really enough time to figure out if he's "the one" but it should be enough time for the both of you to figure out if you want continue with the relationship and see where it goes. Good luck.
You're confused?? It sounds like he's even more confused. I am confused just reading all of it. I wouldn't dare tell him the wife is telling you the inside scoop b/c then he won't say anything around her anymore and you will be in the dark. However, maybe he knows that she will tell you and is using her to tell you. Hmm. If he's afraid of what you'll say, then maybe that's his way of telling you. That's really cowardly of him though. Geez. Maybe you should ask the wife to say something to him next time he's over. Like, 'Have you talked to her about how you feel? I'm sure she has no idea' and give him some advice. Don't call him again. I know you feel guilty, but how were you supposed to know what he was gonna do or say? He's confusing as h*ll haha. Good luck!!