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Old 07-31-2008, 07:06 PM   #1
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Sarcasm Overload

Me and my g/f have been together about 5 months now, and for the most part me and her are both pretty sarcastic people, and have I guess what you would call a dry/witty sense of humor. The thing that attracted me to her initially was that she could take a few lighthearted jokes and dish them out right back at me. These were never really hurtful or anything that I couldn't take, since they were pretty few and far between and we have a pretty loving relationship and a solid foundation.

It seems though as time goes on she gets less and less loving and affectionate and more and more sarcastic and rude, and not just in a humorous or lighthearted way anymore. Its almost like some days any phrase or utterance that comes out of my mouth gets retorted with a rude remark or an eye-roll, sigh or etc. For instance the other day I worked overtime at my job and we had planned to hang out, so even though I was tired I was really excited to see her. I text her "hey babe, I just got off. When did you want me to swing by?" and I get back a text saying "Never". I text back "Never? That's nice" and she responds "j/k, 7 is okay". When I get to her mom's house I go to give her a hug and she cringes away and sticks her tongue out, and then pecks me on the cheek and walks away. We leave the house and both say bye to her mom, and she says "don't say bye to her". She acted this way basically all night, and at one point I wanted to say "what happened to my nice, sweet girlfriend?" Its like because she always says "just kidding" or "I'm joking" everything is supposed to be tolerated and shrugged off, but it really gets tiring.

I talked to her about it last night, and kind of let her know that theres a fine line sometimes between being sarcastic and just being downright cold. I tried to explain that even though I have the same sense of humor, I usually still remember that she's my girlfriend who I'm supposed to be sweet to and respectful of and not one of my guy buddies or friends that I can just rip on. She basically said that its just who she is, and that she's not trying to be mean and that she'll work on it. I pretty much said well, you weren't this way a couple of months ago so you can't expect to just say "its who I am" and have me be okay with it. I didn't see her today so I'm not sure what will happen, but I'm kind of at a loss. Does she really not realize that she's even doing it? Its almost like a knee-jerk type thing, where she doesn't even think about what she's saying. Is this her true self starting to come out after a few months?

Last edited by CyberNick; 07-31-2008 at 07:15 PM.

 
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Old 07-31-2008, 09:48 PM   #2
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Re: Sarcasm Overload

There is definitely food for thought here. Is it possible that she has always been a bit this way, but it seemed funnier in the early days when you were finding everything lovely and new? She may not be a funny person, was just responding to your humour, and doesn't really have any of her own. If she is annoying you like this now, just give the future a little serious thought. If a good sense of humour is important to you (I know it is to me), then perhaps she is not the one for you. Truly funny people don't try to hurt.

Last edited by Seraph; 07-31-2008 at 09:50 PM. Reason: many typos *sigh*

 
Old 08-01-2008, 05:10 AM   #3
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Re: Sarcasm Overload

This sounds like a personality trait of hers. So the question is are you willing to go the full distance dealing with what comes next and a continuation of what you are seeing. I'm sure you have heard and probably know that you can't change people and that you should never get into a relationship thinking or hoping you going to change someone for the better or to suite your needs. This is true, so please don't think "a talk" is going to solve the problem...if you stay get used to the idea of a life time of "talks".

 
Old 08-01-2008, 05:18 AM   #4
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Re: Sarcasm Overload

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seraph View Post
There is definitely food for thought here. Is it possible that she has always been a bit this way, but it seemed funnier in the early days when you were finding everything lovely and new? She may not be a funny person, was just responding to your humour, and doesn't really have any of her own. If she is annoying you like this now, just give the future a little serious thought. If a good sense of humour is important to you (I know it is to me), then perhaps she is not the one for you. Truly funny people don't try to hurt.
Your right, people who like to laugh in a good natured way don't try to hurt people and usually stop even if they see someone being hurt.

I just hope the poster doesn't take the attitude that he can or should see whats causing this in her personality and try to spend his time and energy fixing her.

There are a lot of broken and semi-broken people in this world. Most know they are broken and hide their flaws as best they can when they meet someone, but eventually these flaws come out and they use guilt, tears, anger, sex, drugs or anything they can think of to make the other person stay in spite of them being flawed. It's true that everyone has a flaw or two, its just a matter of finding someone who has flaws you can live with...

 
Old 08-01-2008, 05:09 PM   #5
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Re: Sarcasm Overload

She told you that"s how she is. You seem to be trying to not believe her. Take her word on it. She may feel you changed on her.
Everyone we date isn't going to be the one for Life.

 
Old 08-02-2008, 07:22 PM   #6
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Re: Sarcasm Overload

I agree with realguy. Many yrs ago when I was in the dating pool, I came to accept that when someone tells you something you believe them. So many times we make excuses..."Oh, they didn't mean it that way..." or "that was only the (fill in the blank)...talking"

She said this is the way she is......now you have to decide if you are willing to "put up" with the way she is or not. No need to take it apart and examine it. It is the way it is....simple.

If it gets to be more than you can take.....then look for a new G/F.


Mileena

 
Old 08-04-2008, 01:39 PM   #7
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Re: Sarcasm Overload

I wasn't really asking if she'll ever not be sarcastic or trying to change major parts of her personality or anything. I like that she is, because I joke around a lot and I can be cynical and the same way at times.

I just think that she's not used to having someone around who is so affectionate and complimentary, so at times she'll get flustered and revert to making a sarcastic comment instead of saying "aww, you're so sweet" or reacting like the usual girl would because she feels awkward accepting it (she's already told me in the beginning that she has issues accepting compliments and praise regarding her appearance or her looks). It seems like this issue always crops up on days where I'm especially affectionate or sweet to her, like it has the opposite effect of what I'm going for.

I wasn't asking her to stop being who she is, just to think about what she was saying before she says it sometimes. I know how it can be to get into a funk or a bad mood and to make a negative comment about anything that comes up without really thinking about it. She genuinely felt bad that it was hurting my feelings a bit, and said she'd try to work on it and think a little more about what she's saying instead of just saying it, but that she's used to just snapping back because being sarcastic is "who she is" and that sometimes she'll talk before she even thinks about what she's saying or who she's talking to. Being sarcastic is naturally who I am as well, but with her I tone it down a notch and can be a little less guarded. I was more concerned with the fact that it was just recently she had been acting this way after us being together for a while.

She has actually been better the last week or so and is trying to watch the excessive comments. We'll see if it lasts I guess. I just figured I'd get less harsh reactions lol, but thanks nonetheless.

Last edited by CyberNick; 08-04-2008 at 02:05 PM. Reason: spelling

 
Old 08-04-2008, 07:17 PM   #8
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Re: Sarcasm Overload

Oh, I hope you didn't think I was being harsh. I didn't mean at all to come off that way. I do hope things work out for both of you, I just didn't want you to be on one page and her on another by not believing her when she stated this was how it was. I see that I must have read your OP wrong.

My whole family has a very biting wit about them. I am use to it, but there are some people that obviously take it wrong until they get to know us all better. It's a fact that it would be almost impossible to change any of us. I just didn't want you to be one of those people who took offense because truthfully she probably feels insecure. I know that we all do that when we are in a situation that makes us uneasy. Kind of a protective mechinism.

Mileena

 
Old 08-04-2008, 11:04 PM   #9
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Re: Sarcasm Overload

Sometimes, A person will use sarcasm as a crutch to avoid ackward moments. It may dissipate over time.
At least she acknowledge your hurt feelings.

 
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