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Old 08-03-2008, 06:24 PM   #1
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Does Anyone Have The Piece Of Writing Re Don't Settle...

There was an email that went around some time ago re not settling (re men).

I could really use it right now.

Thank you very much.

Salty

 
Old 08-04-2008, 07:09 AM   #2
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Re: Does Anyone Have The Piece Of Writing Re Don't Settle...

Salty - my goodness it's been a while!! Hope you're doing ok. Are you still struggling with getting that man who hurt you out of your life? Hang tough. (((hugs)))

 
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Old 08-04-2008, 05:56 PM   #3
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Re: Does Anyone Have The Piece Of Writing Re Don't Settle...

Larrylou'smom, yes I am and I want to get over him so bad. I hurt so much. I want peace so bad. When will the pain in my heart ever go away?

I had that "don't settle" writing months ago and I don't have it anymore. I can barely check email. I'm sorry I'm like this.

Thank you for being there.

Salty

 
Old 08-05-2008, 06:54 AM   #4
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Re: Does Anyone Have The Piece Of Writing Re Don't Settle...

Well, whether you find that writing or not, you can get to work on getting over him right now if you so choose. the place to start is to work on your self esteem, work on finding your pride and dignity. Finding a way to believe that you are here, and therefor you are valuable and unique and have something to offer this world that no one else does, and someone valuable and worthy with something to offer does not deserve to be treated the way this man treated you, and then coming to understand that he has made his choices to be who he is, and he has chosen to be unhealthy and hurtful. It's ok to still love him in a way, but you can love someone from afar and understand at the same time that even though a piece of your heart will always belong to that person, that they have chosen to be unhealthy and you have chosen NOT to be, and so you cannot actually be WITH that person.

Hang tough. I know it can be hard wanting to be with someone you can't be with, and wanting them to become someone you thought they were, you thought you saw glimpses of, someone you thought they could be or even wanted to be, but someone they just aren't. I know how hard it can be to just let it go and move on. But you are the only person you have to really count on all your life, and YOU are the only person you HAVE to live your whole life with, so you'd better start treating YOU pretty good and you'd better start forming a good relationship with YOU!!!

 
Old 08-05-2008, 04:53 PM   #5
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Re: Does Anyone Have The Piece Of Writing Re Don't Settle...

you are so sweet...i'm too emotional right now...i will write back soon. i'm sorry.
thank you for being here.
salty

 
Old 08-08-2008, 07:13 PM   #6
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Re: Does Anyone Have The Piece Of Writing Re Don't Settle...

Larrylou'smom, I don't want to love him AT ALL. I want to be completely over him. I wish I had left the first time he abused me and then I wouldn't be in this situation now.

If I was in my 20's or even 30's, it would be much easier because I would know I had time to still find someone, get married and have children.

How do I stop worrying about that? I guess I thought he was my last chance...I'll be 44. I have to know it's okay if I don't get married and don't have children and that's so hard because I really would like to.

I'm scared.

Any more wisdom from you would be wonderful. Thank you so much for helping me.

Salty

 
Old 08-09-2008, 12:10 AM   #7
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Re: Does Anyone Have The Piece Of Writing Re Don't Settle...

I'm so sorry you're going through this Salty. But I know how you feel. I'm 43 and single and childless, and have pretty much come to accept the fact that it just isn't in God's plan for me to have a marriage or kids. Not everyone is supposed to. I know I will never really feel happy or complete without a family, but it just wasn't meant to be. But you only get one life to life, at the risk of sounding trite, and no matter how much you don't want to be alone, you are still wasting your life if you spend it with someone who hurts you and makes you this unhappy. the real shame is not to have a life without a man, but to have a life that is wasted. Just think, all the time you wasted with him, maybe you could have been with someone else, or at least, you could have had a life free of violence, pain, shame and humiliation.

the main goal in life should not be to be married, or to have the 2.5 kids, or any other conventional "socially acceptable" form of "happy." The main goal in life should be to be whole, sane, at peace, and of use to loved ones, not to be co-dependent, enabling, and riddled with shame and humiliation or to be someone's punching bag. You couldn't have kids with this man anyway. Would you want children to be subjected to his violence? Or to be witness to what he has done to you? No, you wouldn't. The question you really need to be working on answering is not why you still love this man who has treated you so terribly, but rather, why you DON'T love yourself enough to kick this horrible person who has brought you nothing but pain and misery to the curb. That's where you need to start. Bless you.

 
Old 08-09-2008, 12:24 AM   #8
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Re: Does Anyone Have The Piece Of Writing Re Don't Settle...

Just because we love someone doesn't mean they are the person we are Supposed to be with---a friend gave me that advice once and it really helped put things into perspective for me. Its okay to love someone, to miss them, BUT to realize they aren't good enough for us and seperate ourselves from that person. You don't have to force yourself to ever really get over them. You just have to force yourself to re-learn and re-live life without them, of course one day at a time. Its like an addiction and if they are abusive and you know deep down they are not good for you then IT IS an addiction. Treat it as such. I have found it much easier to break away and to move on from someone when I don't force myself NOTto care about them and Not to love them...because you may never get to that point. However you can get to the point of accepting how you feel about this person but also loving yourself as well and finding happiness again in life without this person. It is possible. I find it much easier to move on from a bad relationship with this different perspective. Hope it helps you as it has helped me in the past.

 
Old 08-09-2008, 06:00 PM   #9
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Re: Does Anyone Have The Piece Of Writing Re Don't Settle...

Larrylou'smom, thank you so much. You are an angel. I can't believe you are in my same shoes. Bless you for writing what you did. I have to trust God more and love me more, too. I can't even express in words what your post means to me---you are where I am and you keep going. I will go back and read what you wrote many times.

Many hugs,

Salty

 
Old 08-09-2008, 06:16 PM   #10
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Re: Does Anyone Have The Piece Of Writing Re Don't Settle...

You are helping me, elatedgiraffe, and I thank you very much. I want the hurt in my heart to go away and I pray I do get completely over him, but I understand what you wrote.

I have to know I can be happy by myself and it's obvious I need to love myself more.

Thank you for taking the time to write and for helping me. I have to believe I will be okay without a man or my own family.

You and Larrylou'smom are very wise and I'm so grateful you posted.

Salty

 
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