Larrylou'smom

I'm so sorry you're going through this Salty. But I know how you feel. I'm 43 and single and childless, and have pretty much come to accept the fact that it just isn't in God's plan for me to have a marriage or kids. Not everyone is supposed to. I know I will never really feel happy or complete without a family, but it just wasn't meant to be. But you only get one life to life, at the risk of sounding trite, and no matter how much you don't want to be alone, you are still wasting your life if you spend it with someone who hurts you and makes you this unhappy. the real shame is not to have a life without a man, but to have a life that is wasted. Just think, all the time you wasted with him, maybe you could have been with someone else, or at least, you could have had a life free of violence, pain, shame and humiliation.

the main goal in life should not be to be married, or to have the 2.5 kids, or any other conventional "socially acceptable" form of "happy." The main goal in life should be to be whole, sane, at peace, and of use to loved ones, not to be co-dependent, enabling, and riddled with shame and humiliation or to be someone's punching bag. You couldn't have kids with this man anyway. Would you want children to be subjected to his violence? Or to be witness to what he has done to you? No, you wouldn't. The question you really need to be working on answering is not why you still love this man who has treated you so terribly, but rather, why you DON'T love yourself enough to kick this horrible person who has brought you nothing but pain and misery to the curb. That's where you need to start. Bless you.