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Old 08-04-2008, 06:28 AM   #1
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Another Sister Issue

I know, big surprise, isn't it?

So my husband and I hit a rough patch the beginning of last week. He's stressed with work and money because of the economy. I have been home with the girls all summer and with all the rain and storms lately they have been going stir crazy. We were both just fed up and not communicating well. After 2 days of this we talked and things calmed down. I'm sure any of you married with kids know that these arguments happen so it really wasn't a big deal.

Now, with everything going on I really didn't talk to anyone on the phone last week. My sister called me Friday and asked what was going on. I just told her it was a rough week, that hubby and I had a few words, but things were fine. She then says to me "did he cheat on you because that is unforgivable" (she's still on this kick that my husband is going to sleep with his female assistant who no longer works for him but I didn't tell her that). I said to her "what are you talking about?". Then she just said "well, *BIL* and I are here for you when you need us". So I then changed the subject and started talking about how my husband and I are going to visit our friends in Connecticut for the weekened the end of the month without the girls. Then my youngest woke up from her nap and I had to get off the phone.

About an hour later I got a phone call from my mom. She asked if everything was okay and proceeded to tell me how she just got off the phone with my sister. She told me she tried to get into how my husband cheated with the assistant, but my mother told her she was out of line. But my mother was concerned and just wanted to make sure my sister was exaggerating. I told her why we were arguing and she said that is completely normal and she totally understands because my dad worked while she was home with 4 kids. We talked about other things and then I got off the phone.

The next day (Saturday) I was talking to my SIL over IM (she's in the hospital again and she still hasn't talked to my sister since their falling out). My SIL knew all about my husband and I because her and I can talk and not share our business. So she told me that my sister, BIL, and the kids paid my brother (her husband) a random visit earlier that day. She then went on to tell me that my sister told my brother that my husband cheated with the assistant, that the assistant is always at my house, that I was talking about divorce, and how we are going away for the weekend to try to save our marriage. Where does she get off???

My SIL made me promise I wouldn't say anything because my brother made her promise she wouldn't tell me. He told her because he was worried there was truth to it and she had to talk some sense into him. For some reason he still doesn't see what a vindictive person my sister is, even after what was said to his wife.

I have been ignoring my sister ever since this incident. I just don't know how to proceed from here. I don't want to throw my SIL or brother under the bus, but at the same time she is again talking about my husband and my marriage in a negative way! We've never done anything to her and I am so ready to let her have it.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

 
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Old 08-04-2008, 06:33 AM   #2
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Re: Another Sister Issue

oh jeez HM.....your sis has some serious issues, huh?
I think she likes drama, and if there isn't any, she will create some.
The only thing I can say is stay away from her.......permanantly.
she is always trying to stir up something. I wouldn't let the cat out of the bag and tell her how you know the info that you've received, so you're not throwing your source under the bus.....that's not necessary. Just avoid her and be busy when she calls, etc.....you just need to distance yourself from her sick mind.....before it starts rubbing off.

 
Old 08-04-2008, 06:42 AM   #3
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Re: Another Sister Issue

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
oh jeez HM.....your sis has some serious issues, huh?
I think she likes drama, and if there isn't any, she will create some.
The only thing I can say is stay away from her.......permanantly.
she is always trying to stir up something. I wouldn't let the cat out of the bag and tell her how you know the info that you've received, so you're not throwing your source under the bus.....that's not necessary. Just avoid her and be busy when she calls, etc.....you just need to distance yourself from her sick mind.....before it starts rubbing off.
Thanks rose! That's exactly what my husband said. I don't see any other way to handle it without causing other "issues".

 
Old 08-04-2008, 06:52 AM   #4
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Re: Another Sister Issue

maybe she suspects her husband of cheating, and she's projecting that on your marriage.....whatever her reason, it's just not healthy to be around someone who's spewing that nonsense......

 
Old 08-04-2008, 07:41 AM   #5
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Re: Another Sister Issue

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Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
maybe she suspects her husband of cheating, and she's projecting that on your marriage.....whatever her reason, it's just not healthy to be around someone who's spewing that nonsense......
She's often thought her husband has been cheating on her because she has cheated on him in the past. She can't wrap her around the fact that people can work with the opposite sex and not get "involved". She doesn't even allow her husband to go out unless he goes with my brother but she will go out with whomever until all hours of the night. Her husband has several female coworkers (he's a mail carrier) and she use to drive by his route or the office to check up on him. She suggested that I do the same with my husband! She's crazy and the more she talks to more I see it.

This isn't first time I've tried the silent treatment but I really do need to make it last this time.

 
Old 08-04-2008, 09:12 AM   #6
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Re: Another Sister Issue

You know Happymom, You probably won't do this but I have to suggest it anyway because it has worked for me in the past. It's horrible, and when I have done this....I come out bad in the story, and people frown on it. But here goes:

MAKE UP this BIG huge lie and tell everyone you know on your sister!! Make it something totally off the wall. Make it something that no one even would dream of.....! That would show her how this feels!!!

Liars hate to have lies told on them....then when it comes back to anyone asking where the lie came from.........LIE AGAIN! SAY YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO STARTED THAT LIE AND PRETEND YOU ARE EVEN MAD AOBUT IT!

Please do it! Then write back and let us know how it turned out! I would love to be a fly on the wall!

Mileena

 
Old 08-04-2008, 09:45 AM   #7
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Re: Another Sister Issue

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Originally Posted by Mileena42 View Post
You know Happymom, You probably won't do this but I have to suggest it anyway because it has worked for me in the past. It's horrible, and when I have done this....I come out bad in the story, and people frown on it. But here goes:

MAKE UP this BIG huge lie and tell everyone you know on your sister!! Make it something totally off the wall. Make it something that no one even would dream of.....! That would show her how this feels!!!

Liars hate to have lies told on them....then when it comes back to anyone asking where the lie came from.........LIE AGAIN! SAY YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO STARTED THAT LIE AND PRETEND YOU ARE EVEN MAD AOBUT IT!

Please do it! Then write back and let us know how it turned out! I would love to be a fly on the wall!

Mileena
I had to LOL at that one Mileena. I know she needs a dose of her own medicine because there is NOTHING she hates more than when people think badly of her. She is always more worried about how she looks on the surface which is why I believe she is as shallow as she is.

Here's the problem though, I can't lie. Well, I can, but I'm terrible at it. I can't lie about anything to anyone. For as long as I can remember my mother was always able to see right through me. Not only that, but I would hate for my daughters to ever grow up and think doing that is okay.

Believe me, I KNOW she deserves it. This is the same woman who tried to convince me my husband was gay, told everyone he couldn't hold a job, that he's cheating on me, etc.. I just can't stoop to her level. She has always made comments that I think I'm better than her, and in this aspect, I do think I am.

Thanks for the advice though. If all else fails one day down the road I may have to pull this one out.

 
Old 08-04-2008, 12:28 PM   #8
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Re: Another Sister Issue

Your sister may be jealous of you. For years some of my friends told me my sis was jealous of me. I didnt believe them because i couldnt figure out a reason for her to be. I always said no way.

Fast forward throughout my marraige my sis always told me i should leave my husband he was no good for me and so on way before i ever thought of leaving him. It came to a point where they didnt even talk to each other because they didnt agree on a lot of stuff. Well When i finally did file for divorce my sis ran to my ex and told him I was messed up for leaving him and she doesnt know how i could do such a thing. Suddenly she became his best friend. Appeared in court on his behalf. Didnt even tell me she was going to appear in court.

Now whenever me and my ex had problems i always went to her. Quite a few times when things got really bad I went to her house with the kids for a couple of days until things blew over. She knew everything that went on and i told her all of our problems.

I realized later on that she was jealous of the fact that I had friends, always had a good time when we went out, no matter what i didnt let things keep me down, I always picked myself up and kept going. She on the other hand would let everything bring her down and always dwelled on the past and in her misery. Didnt know how to have a good time when she went out.

I say stay away from your sis. Give her as little info about you life as possible. Trust me i learned the hard way.

 
Old 08-04-2008, 12:36 PM   #9
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Re: Another Sister Issue

I kind of figured you wouldn't do it. It really takes a vindictive person and you don't seem that type, but like you stated....in the future it may be needed so don't forget....but remember liars have to cover their tracks! Your sister apparently doesn't care that it gets back to you what she is saying about your husband because she is even telling your MOM!

I sometimes think miserable people want everyone else to be miserable too...if that isn't the motive for doing it then I am really not sure what makes people want to hurt others this way esp a family member. I am today thankful for the wonderful sister I have!

Mileena

 
Old 08-04-2008, 08:54 PM   #10
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Re: Another Sister Issue

It is a real pain being lied about like this. Whatever you say, it just feeds the whole thing. Rather than the full silent treatment (which also feeds your sister's flair for the dramatic), just go on as if it never happened. Be nice, polite and a little bit formal, and just ignore it. I am not saying this for you to be "the better person", but because it will DRIVE HER MAD (LOL) to be discounted like this. Remember that negative feedback feeds her just as well as positive, so don't give her any. Try it and watch her sizzle in frustration when there is no result from her BS. Sera

 
Old 08-04-2008, 09:46 PM   #11
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Re: Another Sister Issue

My ex husband was always trying to get a rise out of me (it was his personality), so I just didn't respond. He'd pretend he forgot to pick up our son, or forgot my birthday, or whatever, just to try to get me to yell at him so he could yell back. So I learned to respond with "oh yeah?" EVERY TIME. Calmly, without emotion or facial expression. He'd stand there waiting for me to blow up and when I didn't, he just looked bewildered because he didn't know how to deal with a non-reaction.

I wouldn't react either. If someone calls and says your sister said this and such, set them straight but don't give ANY kind of reaction that could get back to her as you getting upset. She's a drama queen looking for fireworks. Give her a sparkler or one of those lame snakes, not an M-80. It's no fun for these people if they can't get a reaction. She may start looking for another way to have fun.

PS: She is jealous of you, which is why she's trying to tear you down. She must be miserable. Keep that in mind too.

 
Old 08-05-2008, 06:08 AM   #12
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Re: Another Sister Issue

Thank you for the responses.

She hasn't called so it's been very easy to ignore it. The good thing is that the people she is telling her lies to (my mother and brother) know for a fact that what she is saying isn't true. I set them straight just to ensure that there were no doubts, but I know better than to bash my sister to them. I don't need any more bs getting back to her.

I know it is a "jealousy" thing with her. She has made comments to me in the recent past about how she could do certain things if she were home all day but she has to work (a dig at me being a SAHM). She gets upset when my husband and are doing things with friends because her and her husband can't seem to make any. When my husband and I do get a night away without the girls (this happens 1 or 2 times a year) she gets all up in arms and tries to insist that my mother watch her kids so she can have the same (mind you, my MIL usually has my kids). It's always been something with her. I don't flaunt things in her face. I don't put her down in any way and yet she always has something to say.

I forgot to add that she was trying to say my husband was controlling because I tell him what I spend money on. He's the one working and paying all the bills. I don't have to worry about any of that. He tells me what he spends money on so why wouldn't I give him the same courtesy? It's not like he refuses to give me money or doesn't allow me to buy things. I let him know so he can balance the checkbook!

 
Old 08-05-2008, 08:23 AM   #13
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Re: Another Sister Issue

I know money is tight, but wouldn't it be great if you could serve her with slander papers.

It would just probably feed her with more ammunition to gossip. She sounds like a lot of women I've heard of, just wants everyone to listen to her drama stories, trying to get sympathy and attention. "My life is important everyone look and listen to me" type of person. She'll get hers in the end. Next time you do talk to her, if there ever is a next time, just tell her flat out....

'Your just jealous of me and my life, you don't have any friends to speak of because you spread lies about everyone and just want to stir up trouble so you can get attention, just like a child throwing a tantrum, bad attention is still getting attention isn't it. And you wonder why no one likes you?'

This is my take on the whole thing.
--------------------------------------------
It hurts when your own sister is out to get you. My sister in law has family like this too. She has gone through so much.

About the only thing you really can do is when ever you get upset by the things she has done is pray for her pathetic life to get better and she seek some help for her problems. After that you start making a list in your mind of the things you are great-full for in your own life. One thing you can be great-full for is not being like her.

Good luck to you and yours. Diana

Last edited by drs; 08-05-2008 at 08:24 AM.

 
Old 08-11-2008, 03:01 PM   #14
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Re: Another Sister Issue

I just had to add an update on my ongoing saga.

So I haven't talked to my sister in a week. I've been ignoring the phone calls she has made and I've actually been a lot happier.

The bad news, I think I'm going to be at odds with most of my family really soon. I'm so GLAD I moved away from them because I am not wrapped up in their web of lies. I swear I don't know who is more delusional, my sister, my younger brother, or my mother. I'm sure I will have more to say on this subject tomorrow (in another thread).

I just have to say though, it is very hard to sit back and ignore her at this particular moment. I want so badly to call her and call her out on all of her lies. I can not believe that people like her can actually sleep at night knowing how deceptive and dishonest they are!

 
Old 08-11-2008, 03:18 PM   #15
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Re: Another Sister Issue

Happymom, I think what your doing IS the right thing. Sometimes we need to write off the people in our lives that create all the discomfort and emotional upheaval, you'd spend your whole day being upset an where does that get you. It's sad when people don't have a conscience and believe there own lies.

Anyone starts bugging you tell them you just can't do this anymore. You have to be there for yourself. I hope you can have a few days soon of not thinking of them at all. Creating good things with people that care about others is they way to a happy and healthy life. Your happiness does affect your health.
Huggs,
Diana

 
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