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Old 08-05-2008, 03:36 AM   #1
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how can I be trusted again?... Please HELP!

Ok guys, this is so painful to write I can't even contain myself, so please be sensitive to responses... my boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple years now (on and off) and on one of the times we broke up, he dated another girl, and I dated another guy. We both went RUning back to eachother after that, because the people we dated were so mean to us (screwd us over)... The only problem is that I work with the guy I dated, and eventhough he broke up with me, he still calls me, and still wants to hook-up sometimes. (He has a girlfriend as well). I've told him repeated times that I would not hook up with him... -But any time we've hung out as "friends" he ends up trying to have sex with me, I never let it get that far, but we do end up kissing. And that to me is cheating The thing is I don't know how I can trust myself, Im so confused. I love my boyfriend, and it tears me up inside that I've cheated on him, by kissing my exboyfriend, but yet, I feel so comfortable around my ex, that it's hard to stay away, especially since we work together. I text him today and told him that we couldn't see eachother that way anymore and he said that we could really just be friends this time, but everytime we "hang out" he always tries to put the moves on me, and I don't think I can trust his judgement over what a "friend" is. I don't know what to do I have never done anything like this before and I feel so dirty, eventhough its just a kiss, it's still cheating. Please help!

 
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Old 08-05-2008, 04:18 AM   #2
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Re: how can I be trusted again?... Please HELP!

I'm confused as to why you got back with your ex boyfriend if you can't totally commit to him? Even if you know you shouldn't hang out with this guy you dated you still do; so you need to be true to yourself and your boyfriend. If you're kissing this other guy, you're right, you're cheating on your present boyfriend. I think you need to really think about why you are with your boyfriend. Is it out of comfort, security, having Someone you do trust that was good to you? If hes worth everything to you and not worth loosing again then that should be enough for you to stop hanging with this guy. Try and not put yourself in temptation and say to "no" to hanging out instead of waiting to say "no" when hes putting the moves on. I beleive that deep down somewhere you want to be pursued by this guy otherwise you would not put yourself in this position. Just try and take some time, probably from both these guys to figure out what you want. If you can't be faithful then don't be in a commited relationship at this point. Thats what dating is all about. But you need to be fair to yourself and fair to your boyfriend. Don't beat yourself up about it, just figure out what it is you really want before you or your boyfriend get hurt and ruin any chance of it working down the line.

 
Old 08-05-2008, 06:12 AM   #3
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Re: how can I be trusted again?... Please HELP!

I think you need to be honest with yourself. Do you really want to be with your current boyfriend or is he just a "security blanket"? If you don't want or can't commit to him then you need to break it off in all fairness to the both of you. If you do want to be with him and commit to only him then you need to find yourself another job and get away from this ex. You need to remove yourself from the temptation and then stop talking to him altogether. That is the only way to ensure you will move on from him.

You can't have it both ways so you really just need to look within yourself and decide what you really want. You not only have to be fair to yourself, but you also need to be fair to your boyfriend.

 
Old 08-05-2008, 07:37 AM   #4
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Re: how can I be trusted again?... Please HELP!

You're right. I mean the last time we've kissed was last night, and I feel so dirty. I feel like my lips are gonna fall off. I can't believe I did that. I lost sleep about it too. I feel so sick to my stomagh. I think the best thing for me to do is get a different job, and stop talking to him completely. There have been times where I've stopped talking to him, and my life was fine. I do think that the reason I even agree to hang out as "friends" is because I really liked the way we were when we were dating. But he cheated on me, thats' why we broke up. But I do kind of feel that if he never cheated on me, we'd still be together. I feel like I never really got closer because I actually had feelings for him, and I feel that at one time he had feelings for me, but that the rest of our relationship was just a joke to him. I don't get it, I was doing soooo well. I was over him, but now all of a sudden he comes back in my life and I can't stop thinking about him.

 
Old 08-05-2008, 07:49 AM   #5
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Re: how can I be trusted again?... Please HELP!

Quote:
Originally Posted by valleygirl2005 View Post
You're right. I mean the last time we've kissed was last night, and I feel so dirty. I feel like my lips are gonna fall off. I can't believe I did that. I lost sleep about it too. I feel so sick to my stomagh. I think the best thing for me to do is get a different job, and stop talking to him completely. There have been times where I've stopped talking to him, and my life was fine. I do think that the reason I even agree to hang out as "friends" is because I really liked the way we were when we were dating. But he cheated on me, thats' why we broke up. But I do kind of feel that if he never cheated on me, we'd still be together. I feel like I never really got closer because I actually had feelings for him, and I feel that at one time he had feelings for me, but that the rest of our relationship was just a joke to him. I don't get it, I was doing soooo well. I was over him, but now all of a sudden he comes back in my life and I can't stop thinking about him.
If you want to stay with your current boyfriend, you need to stop hanging out with your ex boyfriend and making out with him.

 
Old 08-05-2008, 08:13 AM   #6
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Re: how can I be trusted again?... Please HELP!

So you and your ex broke up because he cheated on you... and now he's cheating WITH you... wow, what a prize! And, you and your current boyfriend got back together because you both got screwed over by over people and now you are screwing him over. What an interesting situation...

First, I'm not trying to make you feel bad for it (well, maybe a little because you should, and you do) but I'm just being straight to the point. So don't be offended.

Okay, so you broke up with your ex because he cheated on you. Now you are cheating, so how is that fair? Would you stay with your boyfriend if he cheated on you? Obviously not.

I'm a big believer of being faithful. And coupled with that, I believe in not putting myself in situations where I could be tempted to cheat. And that's exactly what you did. You had to have gone out with your ex knowing that there was a possibility SOMETHING could happen. And, you must have wanted that something to happen. It's really not that hard to say "No" and walk away. If I was hanging out with someone who tried to kiss me or anything else, I would instantly walk away. It can be done.

So, my point is, you shouldn't be with current boyfriend. You obviously aren't committed to him, otherwise you wouldn't have cheated, or even put yourself in a situation to cheat. You aren't over your ex either, obviously.

The solution? Get rid of both of them. Your current boyfriend deserves better and your ex is a loser. And don't have another boyfriend until you are ready to commit yourself fully to him.

 
Old 08-05-2008, 08:15 AM   #7
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Re: how can I be trusted again?... Please HELP!

How would you feel if you found out that your boyfriend was hanging out and kissing the girl he dated while you guys were broken up? Put the shoe on the other foot and make a decision like an adult. In or out. Simple.

 
Old 08-05-2008, 09:03 AM   #8
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Re: how can I be trusted again?... Please HELP!

You're not committed to either one of them in your mind... and you seem to want both of them. Best thing to do.. stop being sneaky and tell your current that you don't want to be exclusive as by kissing this other guy it's clear that you're not into him enough to be faithful. It's the sneaky behind the back behavior that's getting to you and you don't seem to want to control yourself. SOOOO... you're either not into either one enough to commit to one... You can't have your cake and eat it too... it hardly ever works.

 
Old 08-05-2008, 10:13 AM   #9
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Re: how can I be trusted again?... Please HELP!

I have no idea why you would want to hang out with someone who you said "scrwed" you over. He sounds like a jerk. Having said that, you do have to maintain a cordial relationship for work purposes. Personally, I'd not have anything to do with the guy outside of work.

Let me guess, does he criticize your current boyfriend? Is he the reason that you have new doubts about current boyfriend?

You should probably not be with either of them. You sound like you are young, you should go out and date (and not "mess around" with so many guys).

 
Old 08-05-2008, 10:23 AM   #10
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Re: how can I be trusted again?... Please HELP!

Just a guys point of view here.

If I was your present boyfriend and found out you were still hanging with your old b/f and making out and he is trying to bed you down and you continue to do this. I would tell you your not to see him. And if it continued I would leave you.

Apprently you do not have any respect for your b/f or you would not be doing that.

 
Old 08-05-2008, 10:29 AM   #11
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Re: how can I be trusted again?... Please HELP!

Simple, stop hanging with your ex. Why is it so hard?

And if you find yourself so tempted to hang out with your ex, then why can't you break up with your bf?

Personally I couldn't cheat on my boyfriend because if I did, that means I wanted to and if I wanted to that means i'm seriously not that into my boyfriend. So what's the point in dragging this out any longer with him, if I don't really love him? Get what i'm saying?

So you and your boyfriend got screwed over while on a relationship break, now you're screwing him over?... Seems like you need to take a break ALONE without dating anyone and try "finding yourself"..

Last edited by Ms_ENV27; 08-05-2008 at 03:50 PM.

 
Old 08-06-2008, 06:17 AM   #12
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Re: how can I be trusted again?... Please HELP!

Quote:
Originally Posted by caroline3 View Post
If you have this weakness now, what will you be like in years to come...He is tempting you and you are falling for it......

If this temptation is that strong for you at this time in your life, I would suggest you wait a long, long time before you settle down....My best advice is, find the right guy....When you find him you will not even be tempted...He will blow your mind...Take care, Caroline
I agree with Caroline totally. If you're torn between two people it means that you're aren't "really" in love with either one of them. Many people say they are in love with 2 people at a time. I think that you can't truly be in love with more than one person at the same time. It means you don't love either one enough. You can love both but not "be in love" with both. Being truly in love means you just can't see yourself with anyone else

 
Old 08-06-2008, 01:16 PM   #13
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valleygirl2005 HB User
Re: how can I be trusted again?... Please HELP!

Wow! Good advise. Some of it was harsh, but who's to say I don't deserve that...

Mouse On mars: Yes, I am young, (22). I know, I would normally never have anything to do with someone I work with either, but he was just so persistant, and promised that us being in a relationship, (whenever we were single and we dated), wouldn't change anything at work... anyway, no he doesn't criticize my current bf...

I don't have doubts about my current bf; here's how this happens: anytime I've made the mistake of kissing my ex, he always shows up unannounced at my house. He'll text me or call me, and be like: 'R u home? I'm outside ur house?.' ... I never invite him in, because I KNOW what he'll try to pull. but we'll stay outside and talk about life, cars, jobs...ect. and he'll just lean in and kiss me. Im not gonna lie, we are still attracted to each other. But I know we are not right for each other.

Cathy1: You're right I don't think I'm inlove with either one of them. I have a love/hate relationship with my ex, and I love my current bf, but I don't think Im inlove with him anymore. . . I used to be inlove with him at the begining, but we've broken up sooo many times that I feel like each time a little piece of my love went away from him.

I feel like a jerk. I despise my ex, and other times I get so infatuated by him. I feel like Im turning into him. I hate cheaters, but yet I've cheated...

i think what I'm gonna do is just hurry up and get a different job, and never talk to him again. How can I cheat if he's not there right? ... And if he ever pops up at my house, i'll just lie and say I'm not home or something... I don't know, but im gonna get through this. Im not gonna live my life being unfaithful. I can't even explain how much it eats at me.... I'm not gonna let this be who I am.

 
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