I have been in a wonderful relationship with this girl for about five months now. I want to know if her behavior is "normal", I know that there really is no normal behavior for BPD cases. She was very upfront and honest from the beginning, telling me that she is borderline. I have read some literature on the subject, but am still not 100 percent on BPD.
No odd behavior happened until about 2 months ago when she started hanging out with one of her exes. She has been very respectful of the relationship telling me when they were going to hang out and what they are doing/did. About 2 weeks ago she wanted to spend the night over at his place. Insisting it was because she didn't want to have to worry about driving after drinking a couple of beers. I expressed my problems about this, and she told me that im sorry that i feel this way but she was going to do this anyways. The whole time i never accused her of cheating. She has expressed to me that she doesnt do that in relationships. I kept bringing the issue up trying to work through this with her. I finally decided to let go of the situation, and things were headed in a brighter direction. Then a few days ago, she decides to move her things out of my place and wrote me a note saying that she needs a break.
Im confused, about what to do. I want to be patient and loving, but i also dont want to be taken for a ride. I love her very much and would like to handle this with as much love and compassion as possible. Is this some sort of self sabotaging behavior, for trying to end a warm and loving relationship?
I hate when people come into relationships warning you of their mental health problems, as if that will be an excuse for any bad behavior down the line. Of course it's ridiculous for anyone in a relationship to tell their SO that they are going to spend the night at their ex's house, especially because they anticipate being drunk. You should have laughed right in her face.
Of course you are being taken for a ride if she expects to get away with that kind of crap. And then SHE is the one saying she wants a break? Oh dear. You sound like a nice enough guy, you really don't need this kind of drama.
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~
The situation of her spending the night at her ex's house, for WHATEVER reason, is no good (in my opinion). And on top of it, she didn't show much respect for you because she knew you didn't really want her to do that, but blew it off and did it anyway. That just sounds sketchy to me. Maybe feelings for the ex are resurfacing.
Anyway, my suggestion to you would be to just talk to her. Tell her to just be completely open and honest with you, and not to string you along or play games. Communication is so very important. Give her some space, but ask her why she suddenly wanted a break. And don't let her take advantage of you.
As a side note, I don't think wanting a "break" always means goodbye. I once wanted a break from my boyfriend because he was smothering me and I needed to take time apart to decide if I really wanted to commit to a relationship with him. (We were about 4 or 5 months into our relationship) We got back together after about a month, and I'm SO thankful he waited for me during that time. I never wanted another break after that.