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Old 08-10-2008, 01:02 AM   #1
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patteecake HB User
My sister moves back after 2 yrs living on her own

July of last yr my sister moved back home b/c her fiance` (now husband) had been laid off of his union job. He was waiting for things to get better but it did not. He got picked up for some jobs and then would go 3-6 months with out a job. Why he didn't get a job till he was picked up again is b/c my sister is disabled and they have a disabled son. They filed for unemployment once. My grandmother had been living downstairs and she has alzhemiers badly. So my mother moved her upstairs and my sister, her husband and her son moved downstairs, also downstairs is my 2 brother's rooms. Upstairs is my son & i, my grandma and my mom& dad. Things were rough, my sister announced she was having another baby in Feb and she can't work b/c of her disability. we all have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. It's a connect tissue disorder where the muscle tissue is lax causing dislocation. Also a number of physical pain and learning disabilities and even mental illness.

I am bi polar and she is an ex cutter. She hasn't cut in 3 yrs. She's not in counseling. I've been in counseling for a yr. I had a mental breakdown after she moved back and my life just took a toll for the worse. I had been unemployed for 2 yrs, I finished my associates but i hadn't been able to get a job due to my mental illness. My aniexty and panic attacks were mild until Feb of 09 when her husband decided to join the army and 3 weeks after their second son was born he left to a different state for training to become a mp. Theses past 6 mths have been rough. I was the main caretaker for my nephews since my sister almost died giving birth, my mother had surgery, my grandma fell in the drive way and was in the hospital in dec of 08. My sons father moved back to ny after living there for 2 yrs. I was awarded full custody of my son. Alot has been going on.

Recently for the past six months our relationship has gotten worse. We yell at each other. She calls me rotten names even when i haven't done anything to her and then i'll say things back, like shes a bad mom, im there for her kids more than her, im more their mom then she is. She doesn't have no father for her children ,she doesn't know what its like for me. I don't want to be around her son , he is 3yrs old and hits people, he tells me he hates me and its b/c me and her are fighting and he sees it and thinks im hurting mommy and wants to protect her. My son rarely sees this b/c hes always in his bedroom. he locks himself in with me b/c he can't handle his cousin. He loves his baby cousin, but is a lil bit rough, we tell him That the baby is too young to play with him right now. I don't go out with her and the kids b/c its too much. I had a job for 2 yrs and recently i got laid off again. I've used that as an outlet and being home every weekend has been stressful and i don't have much money. Also she's been going to her mother in laws almost every weekend. We have lil things that annoy us in the house with her, we always have to lock doors. her son is into everything, especially he is vindictive, he'll do it on purpose. She doesn't discipline him right or she'll drag him down the stairs b/c she complains he's too heavy to lift. ( why can't she ask my brothers for help) My mother has been having them pitch in more and its been helping a great deal, less stress and i can handle it, theres still some stress but it has lessened since they come home more and help out.

I have had promicus behavior and its been curbed with my meds and she would call me bad names b/c of my actions and it hurts my feelings. Didn't help that i had suicidal thoughts back 3 mths ago from a pill that didn't work.I would blame her for wanting to kill myself and that she was the reason i'm in counseling which is not true. i'm now on a pill that is helping me. It went so much to me almost hitting her. I know this is unhealthy. We have no respect for each other and we are two different people with nothing in common. We are making each other miserable and shes leaving in a mth or 2 and i am saying to myself your not going to see her for a long time why do you continue to do this? I'm going to miss them when they leave but its for the best.

B/c of her disability she has a difficult time taking care of her kids and due to the fact we can't hire a personal aide b/c of the living situation, it has been hard. We've decided to go to counseling before she moves out of state with her husband when he gets stationed in Sept. I am saving our relationship b/c i love her, but she has to realize that i'm going through alot right now and so is she. I just got regulated on pills for my bi polar. things have not been easy. I'm having panic/ aniexty attacks and the whole family has been dealing with me and my bi polar all my life. I applied for mental health housing so my son and i can have our own apt or house b/c i applied for section 8 as well. I can't live with her. I made a promise that for the remainder of the time she's here i will be civil and work on things with her. I am going to move down stairs in the apt when my sister leaves to save up. I hope that my sister and i can start to repair our relationship.

 
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Old 08-10-2008, 05:06 PM   #2
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redsoxgirl2418 HB Userredsoxgirl2418 HB User
Re: My sister moves back after 2 yrs living on her own

i don't think that you or your sister are to blame for this "rift" between you. I think there are too many people living under one roof. I know circumstances are tough, but I think it's important for each of you and for your kids, to all have separate residences. If you all have this same disability, you should all be eligible for some type of government assistance. In addition, there must be some jobs that don't require a lot of movement, esp. with computers being a great tool. I have a disabled friend who works as a telephone operator. There are greeters at stores that are often disabled. Maybe you could all work something out where you each have a part time job, and you help each other out with childcare. A set schedule might help get rid of the "blame game" or the "you're there for her more than for me" type of thing.

 
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