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Old 08-10-2008, 02:13 AM   #1
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I am depressed about my relationship with my boyfriend

Off late from the behaviour of my boyfriend i feel that he dosen't care for me the way he previously used to be. He constantly hurts me by abusing me, saying harsh things to me...in this courtship period what is desirable is that he will try to give me as much time as possible, on the contrary whenever we meet (at week ends generally) he wants to bring along with him a particular friend of his. This annoys me very much since i just want to be with him alone, but he simply refuses to understand this and if i protest then he starts behaving in a very rude way.Accordind to him, whenever we are alone there is nothing to talk about and that he only keeps on saying, if he stops then i cannot carry on with the conversation...but i have tried to discuss on movies, music , TV serials, shopping...but he has got no interest on these...only sports is a common topic, then what can i do??? I am very depressed about this change of behaviour in him...previously he was not like this. Our's is a 7mnth old relationship. Otherwise as a peson he is very nice and very comfortable to be with. He always makes fun with his colleagues and friends, but when it comes to me i don't know how the situation changes we constantly keep on hurting each other. please do help by giving some advice about how to tackle the situation. I am very very tensed, depressed thinking about all this.

 
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Old 08-10-2008, 04:14 AM   #2
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Re: I am depressed about my relationship with my boyfriend

Only 7 months in and he is showing you his true colors.....

time to find a new boyfriend!!!

 
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Old 08-10-2008, 07:49 AM   #3
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Re: I am depressed about my relationship with my boyfriend

Kick him to the curb, and move on. He's not worth even posting on an internet message board.

 
Old 08-10-2008, 10:11 AM   #4
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Re: I am depressed about my relationship with my boyfriend

Check out the thread on this board titled "signs he wants out!!" or something like that. In that thread, a man revealed the secret that all men do that it takes women a while to realize that men would actually stoop so low as to do this, but when they are tired of us and they've had their fun and are ready to move on but they don't have the courage to end it or don't think we're worthy of an honest, respectful face to face break up, they will "push our buttons" and behave abusively and distant to force us to break up with them so they don't have to do the dirty work or look like "the bad guy" or deal with the emotional fall out. It seems this is what your guy is doing. He isn't into you and doesn't want to be with you anymore, but doesn't have the courage to deal with the consequences of his choice in dating you. Dating means risk, and sometimes we pick who turns out to the the wrong person for us and the honest, honorable thing to do would be to say "gee, this person isn't as good a fit as I first thought they would be, I have to tell them it's over and deal with it." Unfortunately, today's men are not anywhere near that honest or honorable.

This guy is trying to drive you away. He doesn't want to be witih you anymore and hasn't got the cajones to tell you so. I mean, really look at it logically. What else can you do? How do you "handle the situation?" You can't control his behavior. You can't "make" him respect you if he just doesn't. You can't fix him, you can't save him, you can't change him, and you can't love him into loving you more than he does. The ONLY, and I mean the ONLY thing you can do now is to make a choice - 1) keep feebly trying to carry on with this sad, depressing relationship until he gets tired of waiting for you to finally "get the message" and he just disappears one day or 2) you can have some pride and dignity and decide that you do not want to waste your precious life and time on a man who doesn't treat you with respect and caring, and break up with him. And just watch how fast he says "see you" when you set him free. He won't even look back, trust me.

Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 08-10-2008 at 10:36 AM.

 
Old 08-10-2008, 10:51 AM   #5
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Re: I am depressed about my relationship with my boyfriend

You two are clearly not compatible. He seems to want a "submissive" woman where you want to be more equal. It's not going to happen with him. After 7 months your relationship is all about him, his wants, his needs, and his feelings. What about you? He isn't listening to you so that is your cue to go. He has no respect for you and the longer you stick around the worse it is going to get.

No man should make you feel badly about yourself and like you are not good enough for him. The truth of the matter is he has problems and he is projecting them onto you. You control your happiness. Your boyfriend and your relationship are not making you happy. The solution is to end them so you can find your happiness.

 
Old 08-10-2008, 10:57 AM   #6
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Re: I am depressed about my relationship with my boyfriend

I agree. Get rid of the guy. He doesn't even want to be with you anymore, what's the point of even trying anymore?

I think you should beat him at his own game and just end the relationship. I personally wouldn't put up with that anymore. I used to, but not anymore. You shouldn't put up with it either.

It's better to travel alone than with a bad companion. Words of wisdom, words to live by.

 
Old 08-10-2008, 09:39 PM   #7
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Re: I am depressed about my relationship with my boyfriend

I have to add to Kazan's...and say "Its better to be alone than to wish you were alone". If you notice that you are always putting in the effort into the relationship and the other person is not, then walk away. Its not worth the time, energy, and heart to put into someone that can't give you back the same. If you have this patience and love to give someone then he surely doesn't deserve you. I have spent many years dedicating my energy into immature undeserving men and often thought it was a problem with myself, "why can't he just love me back the same". Then I realized recently that I have so much to give, more than most, and deserve the same in return. When you hold yourself at a higher value it is amazing the type of people you attract. I find myself finding more and more that the more I take that love I used to give to others and apply it to myself a huge change in how people view me. For years people told me to love myself, and now that I think I'm finally getting there I am getting more respect from others. Its amazing how you feel about yourself and treat yourself (no matter how well you think you hide it) people pick up on it. If you don't love and respect yourself you will never find anyone to love you and respect you. Your opinion of yourself is the strongest MOST important opinion because everyone will base their opinion of you on how you view yourself. Hope this helps some. It took me some time to get here. But save that love and affection for a guy that deserves it!!!

 
Old 08-11-2008, 11:15 AM   #8
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Re: I am depressed about my relationship with my boyfriend

Elated.... Perfectly put.... until you put yourself in the category of "derserving".. you will put up with bad behaivor. Holding on to a guy hoping he will "see the light" works next to never. Find someone that adores you. This guy is a coward and a user.

 
Old 08-11-2008, 11:27 AM   #9
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Re: I am depressed about my relationship with my boyfriend

Why are you hanging on to this guy. He had shown you he isn't really in love with you. Stop seeing him...or you will simply be a door mat for him to walk all over whenever he feels like it. good luck

 
Old 08-12-2008, 12:34 AM   #10
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Re: I am depressed about my relationship with my boyfriend

Run and don't look back.

 
Old 08-12-2008, 06:12 AM   #11
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Re: I am depressed about my relationship with my boyfriend

Hi Suchandra...~

Maybe the question you need to ask yourself is... do you really want to spend time with someone who puts you down like this, and tells you that you are boring and do not challenge him mentally? Because this is what he is saying - and not so subtly either...

Perhaps it is better for you to look at what you want, and if you truly want to be spending time with a person who behaves this way. If you discover that you want to be with him but without him acting this way, than that is the same as saying you want him to 'change' how he is. And, unfortunately, that is not a good reason to stay with somebody. Many women have made that mistake.

 
Old 08-12-2008, 06:30 AM   #12
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Re: I am depressed about my relationship with my boyfriend

I agree with most of what the other posters have said/written so far. It is strange how he has changed over time. Can you trace the origin of his change at all? Or is it the case, as someone has said, that now he is showing his true personality/colour? Consider what is more important for you: your dignity/self-esteem or your love (love?) for him. May I ask you then: what is holding you back from breaking up with him? Are you perhaps afraid that he may become violent when you tell him it is over?

 
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