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Old 08-10-2008, 05:26 AM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: portland, oregon
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ugotscot HB User
engagement, she can't make up her mind.

I'm at a point now where my girlfriend and I have been talking about engagement for at least a year. She knows that I'm going to propose in October of this year and has some days where she's excited about it, talks about the honeymoon, our coming married life together, etc... and then a day or a week will pass and she's totally flip flopped and all emotional and unsure about it and needs more time to think, then again this will pass and she'll be back to the positive state. I've dealt with this for awhile now and am honestly at a point to where I'm ready to say.......let's just take a break and see how badly she really wants it...or not. I am a steady person and the flip flopping is driving me insane. Any good suggestions?

 
Old 08-10-2008, 08:03 AM   #2
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 4,202
happymom28 HB User
Re: engagement, she can't make up her mind.

How long have you two been together? Has anything happened in your relationship such as an infidelity or other sort of "trust" issue? How old are you two? Have you both had serious relationships before eachother?

Sorry for the questions but sometimes a little more information can give you a better grasp at a situation.

I do want to suggest that taking a break is not a good idea. You would be doing it in an effort to "test" her to see if she wants it bad enough? How is that a good idea? You want to spend the rest of your life together right? Well, that means finding a way to communicate to get whatever is bothering her to the surface. When your married you can't just "take a break" when something is going on. Have you thought about couples counselling to work on your communication with eachother? A lot of churches (and I'm not trying to assume a religion or talk about it, I'm just trying to make a point) require counselling for a couple before they get married just to ensure they are ready for the committment and work it takes.

I am more than willing to give you any more information about how I see your situation if you are willing to share more details.

 
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Old 08-10-2008, 08:53 AM   #3
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Colorado
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Mary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB User
Re: engagement, she can't make up her mind.

In my opinion, if she is so "flip floppy" as you say, she is not completely ready, which means it's not the right time. I don't think anyone should get engaged/married unless they are 100% ready for the marriage. I don't know how old you are, but I'm wondering if maybe she is more into the engagement ring/wedding/honeymoon thing than the actual marriage? Because there is so much emphasis put on these things in this day and age, it's sometimes hard for us girls especially to not get caught up in all the hype about the materialistic things without focusing on the actual marriage, which is all you have left after all the "fun" is over. Although I think marriage is a scary thing for a lot of people and a lot of people will get "cold feet" and freak out every once in a while, it seems to me that you're situation is different. I honestly think she either isn't ready for marriage, or she has doubts about whether or not you are really "the one". She probably likes the idea of getting married, which is what is causing her "excited days", but when she really thinks about the marriage to you and whether or not you two are right for each other, that's what causes her other "freak out" days.

 
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