Originally Posted by natet1974
... or advice Id so much appreciate it.
If a country can be rebuilt after a total war, why can't a marriage be so? I am not saying it is easy, but I am sure it can be done, if both of you are committed to doing it and still have a seed of trust in each other. A seed can grow, can't it?
Maybe you need a mission. A mission is a good word or place to start from. Missions are usually difficult, but since there is something holy or dignified about them, people usually won't spare themselves to pursue them to the end. Some will even give up their lives for their mission, but I am not telling you to go so far. LOL
So why not think of rebuilding your marriage and relationship in terms of the pursuit of a mission?
Ok, this sounds a bit too abstract.
Maybe you should write down together a few basic rules to follow in this pursuit. The past can't be totally forgotten, but I don't think it is really necessary to keep analyzing what went before, all the mistakes you have committed. It is better to focus on the present and then on the future. Find out what both of you want in common from life. Find areas where you can work together, where you can have fun together. Look up old friends or make new friends. It is important to lead a life with movement rather than sit and watch TV. Temptations are best resisted with activity.
Unfortunately negative people can't be avoided completely. Just don't dwell on what they have to say. Mostly they speak out of fear, envy or misinformation. They usually don't know what they are talking about. Don't talk much about what you are trying to do together now. Some mystery can be helpful for you to achieve your goal.
In marriage, it is also important to have a few moments for yourself, a space for your privacy. It's vital for the other party to understand and accept this need and put it in practice for themselves, too.
It is also important to be able to apologize, not only for the past (so much for the past, anyway), but also for any present blunder and misdeed.