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Old 08-11-2008, 07:04 PM   #1
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Question Is It Too Late To Try?

I have known this girl since may and I really like her. She basically is perfect for me and I cannot find anything wrong with her. We have similar personalities, career paths, interests, etc. I know she really likes me and she knows I really like her. We are both in college right now and both graduate in december.

To make a long story short, she is a very busy person. She totally supports herself plus has taken many classes this summer. We have been inimate with one another but that was probably two months ago but we have done definite not just friend activities. Anyways since then for about two months, she has either been really busy with school/homework and she had to work. We still go out to lunch weekly and I do see her but I havent been alone with her to be intimate with her. Now I know this is not just an excuse because she has looked me in the eyes and told me she really likes me and is attracted to me.

Anyways so last week she finished her last summer class since I met her and I was hoping for two weeks of finally being alone with her for extended periods of time before the fall semester starts. We had planned on going out to dinner tonight and I was planning on being very initimate with her and possibly talking about starting a relationship. This would have been the first time in about two months I was alone with her in a romantic setting. Every other time in the last few months it has mainly been going out to lunch, which is nice, but for a guy who wants to be more then friends, I always wanted to go to dinner or be alone with her at night and never got the chance.

So earlier today she called me and said that he older sister who lives cross country bought her a plane ticket to go home for a week without telling her until after she bought it. So to say the least my heart sunk, I had planned on seeing her alot this week. While we have two weeks off until school starts, obviously that is now cut in half since she wont get back until next monday. While I guess it could be worse in that she could be gone the entire two week break, its still not a happy time for me. She felt really bad but she is still going since the ticket was bought at the last minute and im sure was extremely expensive, not to mention her sister lives with her parents and she hasnt seen them since christmas or been back home in that long. I dont blame her for going but im still upset nonetheless. I guess it was just that it happened so suddenly and she told me that she had no plans of going home.

I guess I am at a point where I am not sure if I should just back off totally from pursuing her because we both graduate in december. I would change my plans if we were in a relationship because I am extremely attracted to her. However, she is just so busy. What Im afraid of is that once she gets back she will have to start working immediately since she is taking off this week obviously. Now I dont think that will be the case, I should have a few days at least before she starts work again, I am just afraid its too late to pursue things with her.

I guess I just think time is of the essence here and that it will be the main factor of whether we start a relationship. I was thinking that maybe I should text her later in the week and just say something like I hope the trip is going well and if she needed someone to pick her up that I could do it (even though I already asked her and she said that her roomate was doing it).

I really do like this girl and want to pursue a long term relationship with her, not just a fling.

Any thoughts?

Last edited by Toga124; 08-11-2008 at 07:23 PM.

 
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Old 08-11-2008, 07:54 PM   #2
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Re: Is It Too Late To Try?

Hi - No its definitely not too late to try! Sounds like the two of you are a great match. However, I'm having computer problems tonite, or I would've quoted all the emphasis you put on being "intimate" with her. Theres way more than sex going on here, at least for her, and more to a long term relationship. She went away to see her family.... so what? You'll see her again... but please don't bank it all on sex, as from your post, that seems to be almost too important too you. Intimate, intimate, intimate. What about getting to know each other? Sherbear38

 
Old 08-11-2008, 08:11 PM   #3
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Re: Is It Too Late To Try?

I guess I should have used a different word then "intimate." What I meant as being intimate was kissing, rubbing, holding hands; not sex. We have not had sex.

I know I have time still but I guess its that we graduate in december and I feel I have to make a move very soon. She is important to me and I am important to her. I know her very well, I just have not had a chance to be alone with her in a very long time.

Last edited by Toga124; 08-11-2008 at 08:13 PM.

 
Old 08-11-2008, 10:32 PM   #4
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Re: Is It Too Late To Try?

You may not want to hear this, but my honest opinion is that you should back off. I am not saying that she is not interested in you, but she seems scared of commitment or of relationships in general. I went to law school full time worked at the same time and could definitely find time to get together with someone that is important to me. One or two weeks I can understand that she couldn't find the time, but 2 months? Also when you could have spent some time with her in the car, her room mate is picking her up from the airport? Why doesn't she tell the room mate that she found someone else to pick her up. My advice to you is to back off. If she is interested in pursuing something deeper with you, she knows where to find you. Don't waste your time and hope on somebody who may not be ready or willing to have a relationship.

 
Old 08-11-2008, 11:15 PM   #5
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Re: Is It Too Late To Try?

I was thinking of the same thing, I know she is really busy but I always thought that she could have done more with me. However, this 6-8 week change in her behavior conincides perfectly with when she took her six week organic chemistry course, which is an extremely demanding course along with the lab, I know becuase I took it during the regular semester, I could not even imagine taking that class in six weeks. With that course, your in class about 20-25 hours a week, let alone all the studying and then her job, so while I think she could have done more, I dont think she could have done alot more with me.


However, she is completely independent, her parents do not give her any support. So I know she works about 5 days a week to get by along with school (shes in nursing school).

In terms of the airport pickup, her roomate and her are best friends, have been for many years, long before I knew her. While I would have taken her, I can understand why she had asked her instead of me.

The unusual thing here is that she asked me out first when we first met and likes to pay alot of the time for lunch etc. Not to mention she was the one who moved in to kiss me for the first time at which point I kissed back and showed more iniatitive. I also know that she has talked to her sister back home alot about me. I would tend to think if she doesnt like me and just wants to stop seeing me she wouldnt do this and would go to great lengths to ignore me.

Also before she called me today, we were texting back and forth. I told her that I would just call her next week sometime and she replied back that she was getting back monday at 9:15 pm and to call her then. I guess i just dont think a girl who didnt want anything to do with me would even text me to begin with but give me specific info on what day/time when shes coming back, not to mention to call her that night. I just dont think a girl would do all of this just to be nice and actually really not like me.

Last edited by Toga124; 08-11-2008 at 11:31 PM.

 
Old 08-11-2008, 11:27 PM   #6
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Re: Is It Too Late To Try?

Toga, I think she likes you, that is not the problem. You say that you are in college, so you are fairly young. I went through a "relationship" once that was like a cat and mouse game and lasted for 2 years. I was devastated. Even now, many years later, I am sure the guy liked me, but he was scared of commitment. He would call me, we would get together, I would get my hopes up, he would then back off and on and on. It really wore me down emotionally. After 2 years I realized that I had to give up. Looking back I wish that I had given up much sooner.
She may be very attracted to you, but it won't help you if she is scared or not ready to commit. Back off from her and give her time to decide what she wants. She will find you if she chooses to. She may also find you more interesting if she sees that she may lose you. I don't want you to not only waste your time, but get hurt also.

 
Old 08-11-2008, 11:37 PM   #7
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Re: Is It Too Late To Try?

I think what I will do is I will contact her when she gets back and make one final attempt next week to get things straightened out. I plan on addressing whether she wants to pursue a relationship with me or not and get everything out in the open. The last thing I want to do is drag this on any longer so I will ask her more or less point blank.

If I dont like the response I get, then I will back off as you recommend. How about that?

But back to me question, purely on the time factor. Since we both graduate in december, is it too late to pursue something with her? I would also like to know your feelings on this situation also, not just the length of time issue. I havent had many gf's so I dont know if this is a common occurrence or not.

Last edited by Toga124; 08-12-2008 at 12:19 AM.

 
Old 08-12-2008, 02:06 AM   #8
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Re: Is It Too Late To Try?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Toga124 View Post

But back to me question, purely on the time factor. Since we both graduate in december, is it too late to pursue something with her? I would also like to know your feelings on this situation also, not just the length of time issue. I havent had many gf's so I dont know if this is a common occurrence or not.
No I don't think the time factor is an issue at all. When you both graduate are you going to be living on opposite sides of the country or close to each other? Even though this year has flown by already there is still three months after this month till December. There is still plenty of time. But I also agree with one of the previous posts that maybe you should back off a little. If she likes you she will eventually get in contact with you, if not then I guess that is her loss.

 
Old 08-12-2008, 03:58 AM   #9
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Re: Is It Too Late To Try?

It sounds to me that she is focused on her school and job at the moment. Maybe she is postponing more pleasurable things until she has less on her plate; if you talk, let her know that you are sensitive to this, but what about afterwards? Ask her if it is worth your while to hang around; is there a future for the two of you? Don't push her, you have plenty of time after graduation.

 
Old 08-12-2008, 11:18 AM   #10
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Re: Is It Too Late To Try?

Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate it.

Well in terms of after graduation, we havent spoken alot about it and we are both unsure of what we want to do. I know for a fact she doesnt want to go back to her home state to live. I am actually from cross country as well but in the other direction, so we are both not from the area in which we go to school. I would be willing to stay in the area or possibly move somewhere with her if it came to that.

I am planning to talk to her once she gets back next week because I am very certain most of this situation is purely becuase she has alot to do. That is why I was upset that she left this week because she was done with school and I thought that I could talk to her about it. But I guess I can wait to talk to her about it next week.

Do you think I should call/text her to say something like I hope the trip is going well or I can pick you up from the airport if her roomate cant? I would like to do that but I am not sure if I should; she has told me on many occasions that I am the sweetest guy she has ever met. She left monday and is coming back next monday so I thought I could text her thursday or friday, in the middle of her trip.

Last edited by Toga124; 08-12-2008 at 11:24 AM.

 
Old 08-12-2008, 11:21 AM   #11
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Re: Is It Too Late To Try?

I think you're not getting the bigger picture, but you won't get it until you talk to her outright.

She likely does have some ideas/plans for post-graduation, but she's not discussing them with you because they don't involve you. Again, you won't know until you ask.

 
Old 08-12-2008, 11:27 AM   #12
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Re: Is It Too Late To Try?

You could be right, I have spoken about it with her briefly but I believe she was sincere in that she really does not know what shes doing after graduation, I for one dont know what I am doing after graduation.

As of right now, her plans dont involve me because we are not in a relationship. I do plan on talking to her about it next week and get everything out in the open.

 
Old 08-12-2008, 11:36 AM   #13
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Re: Is It Too Late To Try?

Realistically speaking - you both do have short term fall back options if nothing else, post graduation.

You can't stay in the dorms or in your apartments without income.

So both of you do have a plan of waht you're giong to do if nothing better comes up as an option/opportunity - that is go back home and start there on your preferred career paths.

 
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