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Old 08-12-2008, 11:29 AM   #1
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I called her out on all of it

We all know I have an ongoing saga with my sister (and if not, feel free to go back and read).

Well, it's gotten to the point where I can't be quiet anymore. I'm sick of sitting back and letting her run her mouth and acting like it is okay. That is my husband she lying about and he is a good person and doesn't deserve it.

So anyway, she finally got the hint I wasn't talking to her and called me. I ignored the call (again) and got a voicemail that she has no idea why I am mad and all I have heard are lies. So I emailed her (not wanting to argue with her with my children here) and explained to her exactly what I heard and who I heard it from and all that. She then responds back blaming a situation that she wasn't there for and I didn't tell her about. So she obviously was talking about me because how else would she know of that situation (which was nothing btw to do with anything between me and her).

I told her point blank that I don't trust her anymore and it made me sad because we are sisters and I thought we were better than that. She shoots back that I must be running out of people to trust (not sure how since she is the only one I don't) and that I am in the middle of my brother's conflict with his wife like I'm suppose to be. Not sure how that has to do with anything yet again.

So I am done. I don't know what else to say to her and I know I can't even look at her because I just might want to harm her. She's playing the victim when she is the one running her big mouth! What did I do wrong here???

 
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Old 08-12-2008, 11:55 AM   #2
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Re: I called her out on all of it

Just accept you don't control what she thinks/says/does/believes/feels.....and that you ought to have as little contact with her as possible, it doesn't matter what her blood relationship is to you - she's just 11 years old..and if you keep on - you'll be 11 years old too.

Last edited by ICFK1; 08-12-2008 at 11:55 AM.

 
Old 08-12-2008, 12:36 PM   #3
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Re: I called her out on all of it

Quote:
Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
... What did I do wrong here???
I am an only child, although precisely I am no longer a child. That is, I don't have siblings and thus no experience at all with that kind of conflict. But I have kids and I see that they are fighting all the time. It is strange how the words "brother/sister" can be so ambiguous: they remind us of fraternal feelings and associations, and at the same of so much quarreling and resentment. I see it in the families of friends and other relatives. Very seldom do you see brothers and sisters relating to one another in a friendly, human, polite, generous, anger-free way. And then don't mention inheritances and possessions at all.

Abel and Cain - the first murder in History?

I think the best way of keeping a passable or acceptable relationship with a sibling is called distance. You can't really avoid them, because family ties are otherwise so strong. But in most cases it is safer to look at your husband and kids as your essential family, I am afraid.

Looks like as if I am preaching to you. LOL Anyway, don't ask yourself that question. You haven't done anything wrong. That is just the way she is and the way you are. Even though she is your sister, you have different values and education (even if she knew for sure of evil things, it is not for her to talk about them, since you haven't asked anything) and are at different stages of maturity. Let her talk until she is blue in the face. Eventually she will stop. Focus on more important things. It hurts, I know, but it also hurts to lend your ears to this kind of BS.

 
Old 08-12-2008, 01:29 PM   #4
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Re: I called her out on all of it

Quote:
Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
What did I do wrong here???
the only thing you did wrong was to waste your breath.......
you want to hope that you can get thru to her but it's just not working, and it's not your fault......I think your sis has a personality disorder......maybe BPD, or Histronic, but I'm just taking a guess

 
Old 08-12-2008, 03:22 PM   #5
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Re: I called her out on all of it

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the only thing you did wrong was to waste your breath.......
Don't I know it! I know I was never going to get her to see it from my eyes, but I had sooooo much bottled up from the past 2+ years I was about ready to explode after that "I'm the victim" voicemail!!!

I just couldn't help myself. Her voicemail was just so obnoxious and she acted so innocent like somehow I'm the delusional one. I listed out every single instance where she bad mouthed my husband that I could remember and how I turned a blind eye and was the bigger person. The more we bantered back and forth she started to admit to saying those things but then accused me of confiding in her first, which never happened. She's accusing my SIL of turning me against her and that was "what she wanted" all along.

I have no plans to speak to her ever again. It's going to be tough because my neice (older brother's daughter) and my older daughter have birthday parties this weekend (too many summer birthdays in my family, LOL) and I know she will be there with her kids. I can only hope she has enough integrity and respect for others to keep her big mouth shut. Since it's never happened before I don't plan on holding my breath.

 
Old 08-12-2008, 03:27 PM   #6
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Re: I called her out on all of it

She's a miserable, miserable person, jealous of you and what she perceives is your position in the family. You are respected and loved and she could have that too if she shut her mouth!

But hey, that's her issue and I'm sure your family knows this.

Try to let it go, remember she's the one with the problem and she is horribly unhappy with herself.

 
Old 08-12-2008, 03:28 PM   #7
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Re: I called her out on all of it

What you don't get is that she BELIEVES she is a victim to being misunderstood, ignored, dismissed, and utilized....it's not an act...she believes it, therefore you never make any headway in seeing it from your perspective.

People like being victims, because it gives their insigificant and unsuccessful lives a "reason" to be as they are....an excuse for failure is being a victim. It's simply a stance to adopt.

 
Old 08-12-2008, 03:37 PM   #8
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Re: I called her out on all of it

Quote:
Originally Posted by ICFK1 View Post
What you don't get is that she BELIEVES she is a victim to being misunderstood, ignored, dismissed, and utilized....it's not an act...she believes it, therefore you never make any headway in seeing it from your perspective.

People like being victims, because it gives their insigificant and unsuccessful lives a "reason" to be as they are....an excuse for failure is being a victim. It's simply a stance to adopt.
I know it was a bad choice of words on my part ICFK1. I know she "believes" she is the victim because for as long as I can remember her actions were always blamed on someone else. I know you are completely right with everything you have said and I appreciate your responses to me.

Redneon,
I know the rest of my family (with the exception of my younger brother at the moment) knows she is full of it. I promised myself I that I wouldn't deal with her anymore for my own sanity. I can't surround myself with people like her. Life is too short for it.

 
Old 08-12-2008, 03:44 PM   #9
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Re: I called her out on all of it

if you want the person that believes they're a victim to be out of your way - and perhaps onto a better path at some point (but it'll be up to them) - rather than call them out on what they do according to your view, just tell them outright you're not interested in dealing with dsyfunctional, unsuccessful people such as they are because it's a negative reflection on and demotivator to you.

THEN, you live up to - you're civil if you're in the same social setting by default, but you never call them, never include them, never associate with them anywhere, anytime....because you've got to live up to your own standards, and they don't meet it.

If enough people abandon them to thier "victimization" - they either get off the planet thru self-destructive means, or get with the program.

 
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