It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-12-2008, 08:49 PM   #1
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 11
daisy21 HB User
I'm so confused? Did he even care? PLEASE HELP!!

I met my ex in january through work. he was six years older then me and had a two year old child with his ex girlfriend. I just knew when I saw him I liked him. So we WERE happy, or so it seemed. He had posted a picture of me on {removed}. When I checked it out there was a spiteful message from his ex. I was kind of upset. So he told me she was bitter {removed} so she couldn't see it. I went onto her page and found numerous pictures of them together from about two years ago when his child was born and right after. nothing recent. i was still upset. i called him and he managed to calm me down but i was still upset. So we were happy again.

He introduced me to all his friends but not his mom and the one time i had seen her she was really mean to him. Then he went into the hospital. He didn't even tell me. I found out through a friend. I went there as soon as i could. i stayed with him all day but when i wanted to see his new phone he freaked out and yelled at me. i asked him what he didnt want me to see. he said nothing. so he was supposed to be transferred to another hospital. but before i knew it he disappeared. NO ONE knew where he went. i was so worried.

Then {removed} i recieved messages from his ex telling me how he and she got together all the time when i wasn't around. I was heartbroken. He was missing. I instant messaged his best friend. who told me he was sorry for me to go and that he really liked me with his best friend. it didnt matter. so who do you believe: my missing boyfriend OR his ex who left me {removed} messages, him a spiteful message under my picture, and her obsessive photos? i called him and left nast voicemails telling him i hated him and i regretted the fact he was ever near me.

So i recieved a text where he told me he tried to committ suicide. i didnt know what to say. I told him if he came to work i would walk out on him. he told me to do what was best for me. so the day he was supposed to come in he didnt. he would do this for three days. ask if i would walk out, i would say yes, and he wouldnt come. i eventually convinvced him to come back. so when he came back he flirted with me. i just pushed him away. later that night he called me and asked me if there would be another chance. i didnt give a clear answer i was just so mad. he was upset that i didnt believe him and that i believed his ex. he asked me to come over his house and talk. i told him i couldnt trust him because he lied to me. he told me he knew it was his fault. then i told him to call his ex i was sure she would want to see him and i hoped he was happy with her. he hung up on me.

So we worked fine together. until he started flirting with the other girls in our workplace in front of me. i held my anger in. so when i got my schedule his ex's name was on it (she worked at a neighboring store). i told him i quit. he told me he didnt do it our boss did and he didnt want me to go. i walked out and didnt look back. he fought me for three days literally begging me not to quit. Why did he care so much? He wanted to be friends, he wanted me to understand and be a friend, and that i was a "good worker". so i left and exactly two weeks after i left he saw me in my car, i drove off. then later he checked my friends car to see if i was in it and even pretended to forget his keys to double check. then the next day he quit.

So for three months i dont hear anything. then randomly out of the blue his best friend asks me how i've been, what i was up to, and where i was going to school and that he was having a party. but sometimes i miss my ex. then other times i dont know. i THINK he cheated and im pretty sure. I just dont know what to do. i dont want to look desperate and talk to him. i just dont know if i could ever trust him again.

Last edited by Moderator BAC; 08-13-2008 at 12:08 PM. Reason: Do not mention other websites. Read & Follow our rules! Thank you!

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 08-13-2008, 06:44 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 4,081
Larrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB User
Re: I'm so confused? Did he even care? PLEASE HELP!!

Well, I don't think the question is whether he ever really cared about you. I think the real question is, how much do YOU really care about you? This guy has so many issues he could fill up a news stand. Love yourself to realize you don't need this kind of chaos and drama and insanity in your life. Life's too short. If I were you, I think I'd feel sorry for him, say a little prayer for him that he finds his way, and mooooooooovve on!

 
Old 08-13-2008, 11:50 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
trystme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,101
trystme HB Usertrystme HB Usertrystme HB Usertrystme HB Usertrystme HB Usertrystme HB User
Re: I'm so confused? Did he even care? PLEASE HELP!!

You are blessed that he is out of your life. Try not to dwell on him and just move on with your life.

 
Old 08-13-2008, 12:23 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 4,202
happymom28 HB User
Re: I'm so confused? Did he even care? PLEASE HELP!!

Only he could tell you if he really cared about you. From what you have said he clearly didn't respect you or your relationship. I also have to question as Larrylou'smom did, do you care about you?

He has WAY too much baggage and drama. He enjoyed his ex fighting for him. He enjoyed the jealousy you showed because of her. I don't think he cared if he hurt either one of you as long as his ego was being stroked. Notice how he didn't really give a crap about you until you were going to quit or whatever? He started to care when he wasn't going to get you fawning over him anymore.

You need to take some time and think about the kind of guy you want to be with. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. You don't deserve to be lied to and treated badly. Hopefully you will walk into your next relationship realizing this and demanding it from the start.

 
Old 08-13-2008, 08:23 PM   #5
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 11
daisy21 HB User
Re: I'm so confused? Did he even care? PLEASE HELP!!

Thank you to everyone. Your help is insightful. i truly appreciate it. I just wish this could have turned out differently. But as you know life sucks then you die. haha. I just want to find someone who can make me happy. : (

 
Old 08-13-2008, 08:30 PM   #6
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 11
daisy21 HB User
Re: I'm so confused? Did he even care? PLEASE HELP!!

Thank you to everyone. You all have been insightful and helpful. i wish this situation did not have to come to this. I just wanted to be happy. : (

 
Old 08-14-2008, 09:43 PM   #7
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 11
daisy21 HB User
Re: I'm so confused? Did he even care? PLEASE HELP!!

and the other thing is... when i confronted him that might when he begged me to talk to him in person i asked him "did you ever really care about me?" he replied "of course i did and i still do" he then tried to explain to me how his ex ruins all his new relationships and how he had been through this before and how this was nothing new to him. i told him that this was new to me i have never been through any of this before. and he told me he could understand that. then we talked for a while like we together again. but then i found out he was at some baseball field the next day with some girl. so why would he even say all that crap to me in the first place.

 
Old 08-15-2008, 07:18 AM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 4,081
Larrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB User
Re: I'm so confused? Did he even care? PLEASE HELP!!

Because he's an unfocused, confused, flighty guy who loves drama. If you love drama too, and if you want a guy who won't commit, isn't stable, and that you can't have a nice, solid, peaceful relationship with, then he's your man. If not, you need to just let him be and move on. You cannot fix him, you cannot save him, you cannot change him, and you cannot love him into loving you. It's really that simple.

 
Old 08-15-2008, 08:28 AM   #9
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Kszan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,989
Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
Re: I'm so confused? Did he even care? PLEASE HELP!!

He's a flake. That's why he did it. Now, you have to decide, would you rather waste your time with a flaky guy who will only blow smoke up your behind to appease you? Or would you rather find a guy who will actually be honest with you and who will actually want to be with you?

I mean, the choice is clear to me, I know which one I'd pick. Maybe I've just been through too much in life, but I think it's such a tragedy when girls keep picking the flaky guy, over and over again. All of these girls who post on here keep clinging to these loser guys who totally suck and can't even remotely compare to the knight in shining armor that they want, but they keep trying and keep hanging on, and for what? To wake up every morning feeling like crap cause they are staying with a shmuck who treats them bad? It's such a waste of time and it's such a major tragedy that none of us learns this lesson until we're so much older and had too many bad experiences. It's really just so sad.

Last edited by Kszan; 08-15-2008 at 08:29 AM.

 
Old 08-15-2008, 09:14 AM   #10
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 4,081
Larrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB User
Re: I'm so confused? Did he even care? PLEASE HELP!!

Well, in all fairness, I think that's just the nature of love. It sucks. And not all women have all the options in the world. We do the best with what we've been given to work with, and not all of us are high powered, super confident type A never-lost-at-anything kind of women, and not all of us are drop dead gorgeous and can have any man we want. Sometimes the choices are hard - 1) stay with a jerk we are attracted to and have a strong chemical reaction to but who treats us badly, 2) find someone we aren't attracted to at all and who bore us to tears but who treats us well or 3) celibacy. Kind of rock and hard place choices there. It took me a while to get to the point where I feel that alone sucks, but bad company is worse. But to get to that point is to let go of a dream of sorts, the dream that we can really have it all, a great guy we have physical and emotional chemistry with, who we adore and who adores us, and who is also a great, stand up guy. Let's be honest, not all of us are going to find that, no matter how hard we work on ourselves or how hard we search or how positive an attitude we keep. It's not a guarantee, and it's not some kind of divine right. Personally, I think there are many people in the world who just aren't SUPPOSED to ever know or have that. It takes a while to wrap one's head around that, and until we get right with that, our hope and our quest for it leads us to some bad choices and some hard knocks. Unfortunate, but necessary.

 
Old 08-15-2008, 10:08 AM   #11
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 127
ICFK1 HB User
Re: I'm so confused? Did he even care? PLEASE HELP!!

What you're not grasping is that to him a great relationship is where you're adoring, worshipping, servicing and serving him on his terms, for his needs - period.

A great relationship by his definition has NOTHING to do with him being considerate, loving, or aware of his partner and her needs and feelings - as an individual.

So when he says "he cares about you" - he does. He loves how your unconditional adoration makes him feel...but he likes that from any source, not just you.

So he's going to "care" about all the women in the world that fall at his feet, on thier knees - for any purpose - as long as it includes some worship and adoration of him.

It's just that he's not going to care exclusively about them in terms of who they are or what they need. He's going to care, and enjoy tremendously - that they're there to serve his needs, on his terms - period.

 
Old 08-15-2008, 07:46 PM   #12
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 11
daisy21 HB User
Re: I'm so confused? Did he even care? PLEASE HELP!!

thank you for your help. to everyone. i just want to be happy. but its so hard to find that.

 
Old 08-15-2008, 08:03 PM   #13
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Kszan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,989
Kszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB UserKszan HB User
Re: I'm so confused? Did he even care? PLEASE HELP!!

That's ok, Daisy, there's nothing wrong with that. That's what everybody wants, right? But the problem is that you're so totally not going to get that happiness with this guy.

 
Old 08-15-2008, 08:44 PM   #14
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 11
daisy21 HB User
Re: I'm so confused? Did he even care? PLEASE HELP!!

i know this thats why i left him. but every time i look around i never see anyone happy. they are always getting cheated on and lied to. so its to the point like why do i bother. so was that it my happiness come and gone in a flash and is that how its alwyas going to be?

 
Old 08-15-2008, 09:03 PM   #15
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 212
waratah HB User
Re: I'm so confused? Did he even care? PLEASE HELP!!

Daisy,
Life is just too too short to be wasting your energy on loosers.
There is a fabulous book and I think it's called something like:
"Renters, buyers and freeloaders" and this is a metaphor for categorising men in thier relationships with women. Some are "renters", great ones are buyers if they're good for you, and of course lastly the "freeloaders" - what more can I say?
Seems to me you fella is NOT a "buyer".
Ditch it now, cut your losses, be a little lonely for a while, explore your world, expand your horizons, and most importantly - smile! x x x x
Regards, Waratah

 
Closed Thread




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (273), rosequartz (255), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (159), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (102), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1011), Apollo123 (909), Titchou (856), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (761), ladybud (755), midwest1 (669), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:08 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!