Someone I was seeing.....get that...was is the key word here.....told me something that bothered me A LOT!
He said when he was younger (and it was quite some time ago but...) that he was going out with someone...and then liked her best friend or cousin or something like like (I believe it was a family member) he left her for the other and then lived with the second one???? MY GOODNESS..... I thought highly of him...very nice, kind, etc. but not for me. I think about this though.
This falls under the heading of "do jerks reform or not" and there's been another discussion here about that. Did he tell you with shame and remorse, or just "this is my history" kind of thing? If he was shamed and remorseful, and knew it was a scummy thing to do, then maybe there's hope for him. If he had no shame or guilt about it and felt ok with doing something like that, then he was just telling you who he really is, and you'd be wise to listen up.
you know, I think he ended up really being in love with the second one. He didn't however end up with her...I think he may have been engaged....but I didn't really see remorse, just like...it happens kind of thing. However, he ruined either a good friendship or a family relationship for a while.
I think we re what we come from, it is our set of morals. I don't know what kind of person does that.
I don't see what the big deal is.......
he was young
I actually was dating my husbands friend before I met my husband and his friend wasn't right for me, so I broke up with him and started dating my husband and we ended up not only living together but married.....and eventually divorced.....LL
and no my husbands friend wasn't thrilled that I was breaking up with him, but I would have regardless......we just weren't right together.
and I don't have any remorse about it and my morals are just fine.....
Last edited by rosequartz; 08-14-2008 at 10:46 AM.
My mom dated my dad's brother before she dated my dad. No one was bothered by it, although I think she chose wrong... My uncle turned out to be a successful attorney with 3 beautiful daughters, one of which became a supermodel in Europe, and my dad became a deadbeat with 4 wives and 4 children, 3 of whom he didn't take care of including me...but I digress.
Perhaps it's different with females? We do tend to take these things much more seriously, which is why there's the "girlfriend" rule...you don't date anyone one of your friends (or relatives) dated before if you want to keep that friend.
Well, it also depends on HOW it was done. Was there cheating involved, hiding, dishonesty and unethical behavior or was everything up front and above board? That makes a difference, too.
I guess I don't see a huge deal. Has he learned from such an action? Did he cheat on the the first one with the second one?
Sometimes we meet people through the people we are currently dating that are better suited for us. It just happens. I think the way he did will play a huge factor her, as Larrylou'smom suggested. If he was a cheating scumbag with no remorse then that would be a redflag. But if they just weren't compatible to begin with and then he met the second I really can't fault him for following his heart, can you?
My uncle turned out to be a successful attorney with 3 beautiful daughters, one of which became a supermodel in Europe, and my dad became a deadbeat with 4 wives and 4 children, 3 of whom he didn't take care of including me...but I digress.
