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Old 08-16-2008, 10:04 PM   #1
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i relapsed; i called my ex

okay here i am 10:47p at work next to my ex. i am trying to keep the tears from rolling down my eyes, but anyone who looks at me can obviously tell that i have been crying.....

here is the story

as mentioned before my ex left me a couple of months ago...i was HURT. I was in so much pain if my life ended it wouldn't matter to me, as a matter of fact i wanted my life to end. going through that break up was not easy especially b/c i didn't really have the support i needed. people would say things like "you're so pretty you can have any guy you want....." which wasn't the thing i wanted to hear when i was in pain. anyways i slowly but surely got out of my bed and started living my life again. i got accepted to to research at a top tier university, i was able to pay all my school fees and my bills, and i actually started dating someone that i liked....but about a week ago my ex contacted me via instant msg and told me that he wanted to see me again. of course since i was/am not fully over him i agreed. a week later (today) i called to say "hello" and asked him if he wanted to go to the show...and that i missed his smile. he said "naw i am not interested in hanging out with you" WHAT!?!?!?!?! last week he was telling me what he wanted to do with me. my heart sank down to my toes. i was beyond embarrassed. how/why did i let him fool me AGAIN!?!?! so he said he had to go and we ended the call.

so now, as mentioned, we are at work together. he is leaving in about 5mins (thank GOD) but my heart is still in pieces. and to make matters worse a girl just called the lab for him! why does he have to take phone calls while he is at work? he has a cell phone, can't he just wait until he gets off or take the call when i am not around? we were in a four year relationship.....at least on my end there are still feelings. i don't understand why does he get to smile and laugh when i sometimes have to scrape myself out of my apartment?

anyways thanks for listening guys and girls. feel free to respond.

TIA

Lindsjean

 
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Old 08-16-2008, 11:06 PM   #2
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Re: i relapsed; i called my ex

update....

so my ex and i just got into an argument in the parking garage at the hospital...he told me that the relationship btwn he and i was the worst relationship that he has ever had in his life. then he got into his car and drove off.....i was standing there, like a fool, tears rolling down from my eyes and my pride on the ground.....i know this is my fault, i could of avoided the situation but typical me....i didn't

Last edited by lindsjean; 08-16-2008 at 11:27 PM.

 
Old 08-16-2008, 11:23 PM   #3
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Re: i relapsed; i called my ex

With each tear you shed you will get stronger. You made a mistake so now you know not to make it again. You now see he hasn't changed and nor will he ever...he is a user, a con man. Just uses people for whatever he wants. Close the door on that chapter of your life and never open it again...once you get over this pain/shed all the tears you need to then focus on the future and never look back ...don't ever take his calls and feel free to tell him off or make some kind of ritual that closes the door on him forever(burn his picture or whatever). Keep your thoughts on your future and treasure the people in your life that are kind and decent. Good luck.

 
Old 08-17-2008, 06:51 AM   #4
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Re: i relapsed; i called my ex

Don't be hard on yourself. When we're in love with somebody, it makes us weak, and makes fools out of us all

Your ex sounds like a jerk, plain and simple. He was playing with you, probably for an ego boost. You sound like such a sweet, loving woman and you deserve a GOOD man...you need to find someone kind to give your heart to.

lindsjean, you are obviously a very intelligent, independent woman. Of course heartbreaks are hard and fell even the toughest of us, but you have to keep reminding yourself what a jerk he is. Don't waste anymore of your precious time crying over that slug, and don't beat yourself up about falling for him again. You have a big heart and a lot of love to give...which is a great thing - just give some of that love to yourself and find someone worthy to give the rest to.
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Old 08-17-2008, 10:36 AM   #5
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Re: i relapsed; i called my ex

This guy sounds like not just a typical jerk, but actually a little sadistic. In time you will realize you are well rid of him. He would have brought nothing but pain and misery to your life. Hang in there.

 
Old 08-17-2008, 12:39 PM   #6
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Re: i relapsed; i called my ex

He does it because he knows he can. He knows how you feel about him. Do not deal with him at all.
Eventually, try to get another job.

 
Old 08-17-2008, 01:09 PM   #7
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Re: i relapsed; i called my ex

I'm going to talk to you just like I have my two Daughters when they went through pretty much the same thing. Honey, there are men (and women) who love to see others hurt and crying over them. It is an ego thing. Usually it's someone who has low self esteem and to see someone crying over them and unhappy just makes their day! The best thing you can do is dry the tears, and no matter how you feel, when you are around him, let him see you smiling and even though you may not be, make him think you are so happy and even make him think there is someone else. Act like you couldn't care less about him. I promise you he will be so curious about what is going on in your life that he will worry you have found someone to replace him and believe me, that is what you want! Even if your hurting on the inside, don't let him know it. You need to get rid of this jerk once and for all cause he will always be treating you this way. Believe me I know first hand!
Good luck,
Annie

 
Old 08-17-2008, 02:50 PM   #8
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Re: i relapsed; i called my ex

You know what? As hard as it seems, try and not to take this personally, because my bet is he will treat the next girl like this too and the next and the next...

It isn't your problem, it is his. He has a character flaw, not you. Reflect it right back at him...feel sorry for the poor guy because he will never end up with someone who loves him they way his character is.

Be glad you got out, you could have married him and had kids! Write a letter to him (without sending it) and tell him EXACTLY what you think of him...you will feel so much better. Burn it afterwards and make it the end of him.

 
Old 08-17-2008, 06:05 PM   #9
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Re: i relapsed; i called my ex

Now, you don't have to answer this because it's highly personal...but when he asked to see you and you did, did you sleep with him? I'm asking because if you did, that's most likely what he was after. Men often rely on exes to get sex when they can't find it another way, and sadly, many of us give it to them in the hope that we will be so gosh darned good in bed that he'll realize he made a mistake and want us back. And probably 99% of the time, we're wrong. He just wanted some sex and got it.

And how he's acting now...that's just cruel. He knows how you feel about him and doesn't care! That kind of sadistic, selfish, mean person doesn't deserve you. Go ahead and get the tears out, allow yourself to grieve for a short time, then dust yourself off and get back into your life without him. You're well rid of him.

 
Old 08-17-2008, 06:48 PM   #10
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Re: i relapsed; i called my ex

hi guys and girls,

first of all thanks for replying, it as really refreshing to hear your comments.

What you guys said is true....he probably does come around for an ego boost.....any and every time he wants to be around me he knows he will not hear a no. as a matter of i would welcome him with open arms and a huge smile. but he never saw my kindness, he only saw a booty call......

Redneon, i didn't give him any, but that is what he wanted. one of the things he said to me last week via msg was he wants to kiss me and do things we used to do(sexually)....many of times when he has broken it off with me he would come around at 12p when he got off from the hospital.....so i know that he is after sex, but sometimes i don't want to believe it....

Through out our relationship I thought i was the one with the "character flaw" but you are right Christine73 it is not me, it is him. I mean don't get me wrong I have A LOT of things I can improve concerning my character, but his lies and manipulative nature is.....i can't even things of an aproiate word grrrr

He said to me last night "if you love me so much, why did you start a relationship with someone else?" What he is referring to is a relationship that i had about a year ago with another man after HE LEFT ME! I reminded him that HE LEFT ME and told me that WE WERE NEVER GOING TO GET BACK TOGETHER AGAIN AND THAT I SHOULD MOVE ON.....yes it was my choice to see the other person, but if the circumstance was different i probably wouldn't of dated this other guy. then to make matters worse when he found out i was dating the other guy he gave me an ultimatum....he said "if you want to be with me again, you have to leave the other guy alone.....you can't be friends of any nature with him..." so silly me i terminated the friendship and ended up with this......oh and the other guy, yeah he was really nice....we were friends before anything and i used to cry on his shoulders about my ex while he would make me cookies to cheer me up.....

thanks annie, you sound like my dad; he said says the same thing. i am trying to listen and realize! it is hard, but one step at a time i am doing what is best for ME.

with all this support, getting through hard times becomes A LOT easier! realguy, larylou'smom, Annd, and all of those who will and want to leave a msg thank you!

 
Old 08-17-2008, 07:03 PM   #11
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Re: i relapsed; i called my ex

Quote:
Originally Posted by lindsjean View Post
I reminded him that HE LEFT ME and told me that WE WERE NEVER GOING TO GET BACK TOGETHER AGAIN AND THAT I SHOULD MOVE ON.....yes it was my choice to see the other person, but if the circumstance was different i probably wouldn't of dated this other guy. then to make matters worse when he found out i was dating the other guy he gave me an ultimatum....he said "if you want to be with me again, you have to leave the other guy alone.....you can't be friends of any nature with him..." so silly me i terminated the friendship and ended up with this......oh and the other guy, yeah he was really nice....we were friends before anything and i used to cry on his shoulders about my ex while he would make me cookies to cheer me up.....
Yup, this guy's a sadistic pig who just likes to exhert power over you and gets pleasure out of hurting you and turning your world upside down. Focus on that and the more you can wrap your mind (and heart) around that fact, the easier it will be to get over him. You can't wrestle the devil to the ground until you've got hold of him first. Well, you've seen this guy for what he is and you've gotten close enough to him already to get a mental hold of what he's all about (and it even cost you what could have been a really great relationship). So now it's time to get to wrestling him to the ground once and for all before you let him cost you anything else. Hopefully, now that he knows he can't just come and have sex with you whenever he wants, he'll leave you alone and you can start to heal. You must be stronger than you ever wanted to be, but you can do it.

 
Old 08-18-2008, 09:00 AM   #12
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Re: i relapsed; i called my ex

Thanks Larrylou's mom for you thoughts! i have been working on healing my heart slowly but surely.....some days are easier than others. but i took a big step (at least for me) and i deleted him from my instant msg contact list. this may sound silly but i am also on the net, so i would always see him on the chat line.....it took me about five mins with my finger on the delete friend button before i actually pushed it....but after i did i thought "that wasn't so bad"

anyways thanks again!

Linds

 
Old 08-18-2008, 10:03 AM   #13
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Re: i relapsed; i called my ex

Did you do alot of projecting and assuming in this relationship about what his actions or words meant in a future context?

Whenever we have a message we want to get - we tend to make waht is there fit the message we want to hear - whether it really does or not.

living in fantasy land makes reality hit that much harder, when it does, and it always does.

 
Old 08-18-2008, 06:20 PM   #14
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Re: i relapsed; i called my ex

Quote:
Originally Posted by ICFK1 View Post
Did you do alot of projecting and assuming in this relationship about what his actions or words meant in a future context?

Whenever we have a message we want to get - we tend to make waht is there fit the message we want to hear - whether it really does or not.

living in fantasy land makes reality hit that much harder, when it does, and it always does.
wow, ickf1,

i think you hit the nail on the head....he wrote me a msg saying he wanted to spend time with me and subconsciously i took it as 'i love you, i want this to work, i am a complete smuck'.

hu. i didn't think i was making him wanting sex into something that i wanted......thanks for helping in opening my eyes.

Linds

Last edited by lindsjean; 08-18-2008 at 06:21 PM.

 
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