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Old 08-17-2008, 12:46 AM   #1
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What's your opinion of certain age gaps in relationships?

I'll make this long story as short as possible...

Been friends with this girl for about a year, she's a close friend, I know her family, everybody gets along great. Lately we've been hanging out a lot more and tonight I brought up the "what-if" topic about the future. We both agreed that we both can see something more happening than just being friends, but that we'd be happy with being friends too. Due to how she seemed after the conversation (the breath of relief, it seemed) I'd estimate that our chances of something more happening are a bit higher.

Then, she brought up an interesting question, about the age gap between us. She is 18, I am 22. To me, any time I question our differences in stages in our life, whenever we hang out afterwards they just instantly get wiped. She's so much fun to hang around with that once I see her and we're crackin jokes and having fun, it just cuts down any "questionable" areas that I previously had.

It's just an interesting situation, because she'll be a senior in HS, whereas I just got done with college. Yet, that's fine with me. And at the same token, like I said above, we have so much fun that things like that just don't seem to matter to me.

But, even still, I want to have some opinions of posters here. What do you think? Any parents of an 18 year old daughter here that could chime in?

Thanks!

 
Old 08-17-2008, 12:58 AM   #2
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Re: What's your opinion of certain age gaps in relationships?

I don't have an 18 year old daughter, but I am a little bit confused about your question. Are you wondering whether 4 years is too much of an age difference? Absolutely not. Of course, it depends on the person and their maturity level, but 4 years is really no age difference to worry about at your age (it would be different if you were 17 and the girl was 13). If I did have a daughter who is 18, I would have no problems with her dating a 22 year old.

 
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Old 08-17-2008, 03:08 AM   #3
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Re: What's your opinion of certain age gaps in relationships?

Age gaps not only depend on age difference, but also on the age both parties have.

For example, there's this girl who is 18 who seems to have a crush on me (I am not kidding). But I am 38. I think it is a major "no no". Too young.

But what if she was 40 and I was 60? Suddenly it doesn't look so bad, I think. We are both mature people. We can handle it.

 
Old 08-17-2008, 04:52 AM   #4
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Re: What's your opinion of certain age gaps in relationships?

When I was 18, I married my 22 year old BF...the only gap was that I was way more mature than he was...HEHEHE!!!! This should not even be an issue.

My husband is 7 years my senior and that's just about pushing it for me. Also, my sister is married to a man that's 7 years her junior and she said the exact same thing...any more and it would be too much of a difference! IMHO!
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Old 08-17-2008, 05:00 AM   #5
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Re: What's your opinion of certain age gaps in relationships?

A four year age gap doesn't sound like anything to me, my boyfriend is 20 years older LOL But it can't be denied that an 18 year old highschooler and a 22 year old who is ready to step out into the "real world" are in two completely different places in their lives. A lot really does depend on the personality and maturity level of each person involved. And it really helps if both people are at the same "place" mentally and emotionally.

If you're having a good time together and appreciating each other's company, then just enjoy that and take it one day at a time.
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Old 08-17-2008, 06:48 AM   #6
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Re: What's your opinion of certain age gaps in relationships?

Well, I think what I question the most isn't really the age gap, but the stages her and I are both in.

Understand something here, she's entering her senior year of high school and I fully support that and have no problems with it... but the curve ball is, I'm a computer support technician at the district she's a student at...

To be on the safe side, I read through the handbook. I found nothing but blatant postings of sexual harassment. So it sounds, from what I read, I have to violate her for anything to happen.

My office is in the high school, however, I'm rarely there. I also do not manage the high school. I manage 3 other schools in the district. A safe guess would be about 95% of my time being spent in those 3 schools.

On one hand, it's like, if we just act mature and simply say hi to each other in the hall if we see each other, everything should be cool, right? She's 18, I'm not a "teacher" to her. I'm not an authority figure over her.

Like I said, on one hand I don't care about this. We're both 18, mature, if we handle it right there shouldn't be any problems. But then the big "down the road" question that comes into my head is, what about something like prom? How do you handle that? Know what I mean?

I can understand if I was in the halls hitting on a girl. But the job market here sucks and I ended up where I'm at, which happens to be the school that she goes to. Her and I been friends for over a year, which is far longer than I was even looking for a job. I had no idea I'd end up here. Plus even after getting the job, it wasn't until her and I hanging out recently that I started to question if our friendship is gonna go any further.

So, what do you guys think?

 
Old 08-17-2008, 08:02 AM   #7
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Re: What's your opinion of certain age gaps in relationships?

As far as the two of you dating I see no problem - but with you working for the school she's at - you maybe stepping over the line.

If I were you I would ask someone-from the company you work with about it.



 
Old 08-17-2008, 08:35 AM   #8
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Re: What's your opinion of certain age gaps in relationships?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cher1052 View Post
As far as the two of you dating I see no problem - but with you working for the school she's at - you maybe stepping over the line.

If I were you I would ask someone-from the company you work with about it.


Yeah, I understand. But at the same time, the job I'm at now I know isn't my career job. At best, I'll be there for a year. If it were a career job, I'd be taking this a little more differently. That's another reason I'm kind of like, meh, whatever, just be smart, lay low, and have fun.

And I just can't help but to laugh for myself that I read the handbook and there aint a damn thing in it about dating a student, but only sexual harassment.

 
Old 08-17-2008, 09:35 PM   #9
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Re: What's your opinion of certain age gaps in relationships?

Don't be that niave about this. You can turn on any channel of the news and see a "teacher/school professioinal" being arrested or whatever for becoming involved with a student. First your career isn't worth it, you unfortunately need to question what is at stake if the district would find out, are you subject to a child line or not? . Second your situation isn't the first time this has ever happened. If what ever it is that the two of you have is to risk your job and professional career for, then 180 days ( or how ever long your school year is) is well worth the time to wait for both of your sakes.

 
Old 08-17-2008, 10:05 PM   #10
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Re: What's your opinion of certain age gaps in relationships?

Everybody on the news that I've seen was people who were sexually involved with individuals who weren't even 18 yet. I have yet to see a big case with the student being 18+. That, coupled with the lack of mention in the handbook, along with the fact that I'm not a teacher, paints a more comfortable picture versus me being 45, her 17, and me being her teacher.

Don't ya think?

 
Old 08-18-2008, 05:21 AM   #11
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Re: What's your opinion of certain age gaps in relationships?

I don't think your age difference is so bad. How do her parents feel about it? That is a realistic obstacle you could face given she is a senior in high school and still lives under their roof.

The other obstacle you could face is the stage of life you are in. She won't be able to stay out as late as you, go to the same places as you or your friends or be able to go out as often. These things won't change for at least the next year. Is this something you are okay with?

I'm not trying to be a downer at all, I just want you to be realistic with both your situations.

 
Old 08-18-2008, 05:21 AM   #12
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Re: What's your opinion of certain age gaps in relationships?

Well you certainly can't be arrested for dating an 18 year old!!!! But you'll have to check and see what the rules are as far is you getting involved with a student? It is possible to lose your job...even coworkers at regular old every day jobs often times cannot fraternize or risk being fired.
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Old 08-18-2008, 06:47 AM   #13
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Re: What's your opinion of certain age gaps in relationships?

YOu don't have an age gap - you have a life experience and options gap.

You're 22...and you've been to college, been responsible foryourself in most capacities, you've become comfortable with choosing paths and taking actions and decisions that meet your needs, expectations an goals.

She's 18...and she's done what has been put before her as a requirement or optionto do - while making few decisions about where her life is headed, what she believes fundamentally, etc.

It's an experience gap........it might still work out - but you'll have to be there while she "grows up" - is you in college - while you're out there working and supporting yourself.

 
Old 08-18-2008, 06:57 AM   #14
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Re: What's your opinion of certain age gaps in relationships?

As I see it, high school is regarded as the last bastion of childhood. The handbook might not mention dating because it is so taboo for an adult to date a high school aged person. And if the parents of other students found out, they might feel like there is a predator loose. When you send your child to high school, you never consider that they might be picked out as dating material by the staff. Technically she's of legal age, but the stigma is still there.

 
Old 08-18-2008, 07:21 AM   #15
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Re: What's your opinion of certain age gaps in relationships?

I understand what you all are saying. It's a situation that really has a lot of weight on both sides.

As for her parents and my friends, that's all covered. Her and I share pretty much the same friends, and her parents think highly of me. Her parents are the type that if I haven't been around in a while, they ask where I've been, insinuating they want me to swing back over. It's kind of a cool situation, the relationship between myself and her parents.

Curfew? Eh, it all falls back to who she's with. As I said above, her parents are pretty cool with me, so my name seems to be like the magic password for her mom to go, oh okay, have a good time! Despite it being midnight or something.

But yeah, I understand what you folks mean about the experience gap there. I mean, on one hand, we click really well. She's been somebody who's seen me on really bright days as well as really dark days, and she's always been supportive. I've just never been around a girl as supportive as her, which is why I think these thoughts are taking place.

But at the same time, part of me still sternly disagrees. The truth is, I don't care what other parents think. Watch over your own kids. Don't worry what other people are doing. And especially considering the fact I've known this girl well before I ever went to this district just bothers me. I know darn well if I didn't work here and I had a job elsewhere, things would be different, probably smoother, less stressful. But at the same token, where I am is where I am, how I feel is how I feel, and I've known her since well before I ever considered a job here.

It's not like I stalked her in the hallway. Then I can see people being upset. But I took a genuine interest in her off work premises. I can't help that.

Work at work, personal life at home. That's the card I've played all along, and I'm just not so sure I want to fold.

 
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