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Old 08-17-2008, 02:46 PM   #1
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D-Day is approaching. Need Your help!

Hi,
My girlfriends daughter has for a while been picking on things that I do. I was at the beach with them and i sat in a seat that was bigger than the others. She made a remark after the fact that i should have given it to her mother. I'm a big guy and the other chairs were very narrow and sitting on it would not only be very uncomfortable but i would look foolish. All i know it was avaiable and i sat. By the way my girlfriend is half my size. We were at dinner one night. My girlfired doesnt like tai food but we wet for her daughter. I finsihed my dish and was sitting around. I will admit I'm a human garbage can as my mother would attest. I asked her if she was finsihed and she said yes so i took her leftovers. The daughter the next day said i shouldnt have taken the food and I was rude. I asked her mother if any of these things bothered her she said no. She did however agree with her daughter that i shouldnt have taken the chair or the food. These things never were a problem until her daughter mentioned them. Next, the person who moved me once was a couple and in my house the lady was moving somelight things on a dolly. I made mention of this to her daughter and she said to me i would probably sit {removed} and let her mother do all the moving. I told her that was insulting and just left it alone. Next, she came to my house after i had vacuumed and washed the floors and after smelling how good the house smelled said to me "what did you do" with a lot of sarcasm in her voice. Next, we went to a wedding one night and i was drinking.The daughter wanted to go home so I drove her home. The next day she let her mother know i shouldnt have driven the car and i was a bad example. As soon as i heard this i told her to call her daughter and wanted to apoligize which i did. About a month later she was in my house and she was drinking wine like a drunken sailor. She had come from a happy hour just before, I knew she was tipsey but was shocked after lecturing me she was now going home driving after drinking. The excuse was i took my family life into my hands she only was responible for herself. She was goingout a few weeks later and i heard her mother say to her please dont drink and drive. She told her mother she should tell that to me first. Any way this has gotten to me big time.I told her mother she is picking on me and does she agree with her. We went over each incident andshe somehow started to agree with her duaghter on everything.She said that her daughter stated a fact by what she saw. She saw me sit in the bigger chair and take her food. I told her she just doesnt like me and is finding fault with me to get under my skin. If shes pointing out a fact dont tell me she was just be observant and it wasnt done to get under my skin.No matter what i tell my girlfriend about the motives of her daughter she will no admit she was trying to bother me. Well i got her daughter to my house and asked her what she was doing. She said she was only kidding about the cleaning but insisted i took food from her mother. She got defensive angry and i told her you just dont like me. She finally admitted as she puts it i never really cared for you. Well I was right all along> I kept telling her mother she didnt like me and was purposely trying to bother me. My girlfiredn saw all this heard waht she was doing and would not until she was under duress admit to something half heartily. I know her like a book and do believe she would kill and lie for her daughter. Need your advice!!!

Last edited by Moderator BAC; 08-18-2008 at 01:50 PM. Reason: If a word has to be asterisked it is not appropriate for these boards.

 
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Old 08-17-2008, 03:03 PM   #2
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Re: D-Day is approaching. Need Your help!

You and your girlfriend's daughter sound like a pair of squabbling siblings. Good heavens! One of you has to grow up.

Frankly, neither your girlfriend nor her daughter has the smallest ounce of respect for you. Not a drop. You don't sound like a bad guy, but you sound like a doormat. I mean, the whole situation with the Thai food is just ridiculous. You asked if you could eat your GF's leftovers, she said yes, you ate them, the daughter gave you crap for doing that, and then later your GF says you shouldn't have eaten her leftovers? It's not nice to make generalizations, but really both your GF and her daughter sound like a bunch of fruit loops. You have to stand up for yourself, man.

And - you should never drink and drive. Impairment begins with the first drink.
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Old 08-17-2008, 09:17 PM   #3
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Re: D-Day is approaching. Need Your help!

Write down the good and bad of this relationship. You may see the answers your looking for.

 
Old 08-17-2008, 09:22 PM   #4
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Re: D-Day is approaching. Need Your help!

I went back and read all your post from this relationship as I thought I remembered you posting a similiar problem. ALL of your complaints with this woman seem trivial and down right silly. NOT just the daughter, but both of them seem to get on your nerves.

Although I think most problems can be worked out and relationships saved, I suggest you simply get out of this one. You and daughter fighting and you and your GF fighting....over and over....with simple solvable issues is just too much.

Get out and find someone who is more compatiable with you, this sounds like its going to be one crazy issue on top of another as long as you two are together. Don't put yourself through it. Maybe you would be more adjusted living alone.

Mileena

 
Old 08-17-2008, 10:19 PM   #5
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Re: D-Day is approaching. Need Your help!

RUN RUN RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN..............

No matter what it sounds like the gf should be able to talk to the daughter about her comments. It sounds like your gf should be sticking up for you to the daughter but she's not. Unfortunately that probably speaks volumes of what your gf really thinks.

 
Old 08-18-2008, 05:32 AM   #6
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Re: D-Day is approaching. Need Your help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by couger8345 View Post
.. Need your advice!!!
I don't know much about your past posts, sorry.

But what is this D-Day all about? What are you planning to launch, if anything?

The truth is all of us like to think we are in the right. We like to hear from others that we are in the right. Maybe this need is even stronger than the need to feel loved, what do I know?

Subjective as it is, we can't expect to be told we are in the right all the time. This very board shows this. How often people disagree with something you say, and you may feel somewhat angry in the beginning. Later, you may realize that what they are saying also makes sense. In the end, in most cases, everyone is right to say and do what they say and do. In most cases, not in all cases. Because everyone is entitled to their own truth. Everyone has their particular reasons.

I know, I know, this is philosophy.

It doesn't seem your relationship with this girl will improve over time, unless she finds someone to date. LOL In this case, her focus may change from you to another guy. Anyway, it also seems to me that she is being used as a cover or as a scapegoat. She may be irritating and even marginally intelligent (I gather this from some of her observations), but if she didn't exist at all, how good would your relationship with your girl-friend be? To me, this is the primary question that you have to ask yourself.

Last edited by pendulum; 08-18-2008 at 05:34 AM.

 
Old 08-18-2008, 06:08 AM   #7
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Re: D-Day is approaching. Need Your help!

So her daughter is obviosly an adult given she "drinks wine like a drunken sailor". With that her mother (your girlfriend) should be able to tell her to butt out of her relationship with you, but she doesn't. That shows what little respect she has for you as well as what little respect her daughter has for you as well. Now, I'm not saying that your girlfriend doesn't care for you, but the fact that she sits back and allows her daughter to be so nasty is baffling to me. I'm sure she's close with her daughter but that is no excuse for her allowing her to treat you that way.

You need to find someone more compatible. This is never going to change and staying with her means a future of living like this. Do you see yourself being able to put up with this for years to come? You don't seem like a bad guy so why not find a woman more suitable for you?

 
Old 08-18-2008, 08:53 AM   #8
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Re: D-Day is approaching. Need Your help!

Hi,
Thanks for sharing. The D stands for divorce> My little joke!
I sincerely try to understand her relationship with her daughter. It also seems clear cutthat the daughter was trying to bother me. I only asked her to meet me half way and admitting she saw anything I'm seeing in this girl. It's allmostlike she possessed and disagreeing with her daughter would end her life
I cant understand how after picking on such innocent things she will not give me the benifit of the doubt. She should know me that i wold never do anythiong to harm her. But this is clear cut to me. The daughter even admitted she doesnt like me. Put two and two together and you come up with trying to get under my skin. I told this storyto a therapist and she called her a appropriate name. All I asked her to see that not liking me is causing her to say and do things to me. My girlfriend will not give me and inch. Its so frustrating to think she would agree with her daughter after knowing me and how ive tried to be good to both of them. Anyone who has read my posts will know that this comes after one year of her not closing her office door and not understanding how the noise was bothering me. She fought me on that now shes fighting me on her daughter. I understand all the stuff about letting go not holding on to things. I dont know what to do. I only asked for what was the most obvious thing to.

 
Old 08-18-2008, 09:44 AM   #9
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Re: D-Day is approaching. Need Your help!

You've taught her to regard you as an entity tthat benefits her - that she has no obligation to or has to give consideration to.

Of course she's going to be down your throat if the daughter is even put off at all at anything you do.

Jumping thru someone else's hoops like a poodle show dog trying to prove you should be kept around for entertainment - teaches people only to keep you around when you're being entertaining and beneficial.

 
Old 08-18-2008, 10:18 AM   #10
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Re: D-Day is approaching. Need Your help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by couger8345 View Post
Hi,
Thanks for sharing. The D stands for divorce> My little joke!
... I dont know what to do. I only asked for what was the most obvious thing to.
Are you serious that was only your little joke? It seems you know what to do (divorce), but are possibly afraid of it. Or in other words, you don't want to face the hard process or transition of a divorce. Are you perhaps also afraid of feeling lonely at the end, in case you choose to divorce?

I think this girl (her daughter) is really irrelevant. In a few years, hopefully, she will find her own way in life and stop pestering you. But what about your girl-friend? Will she always remain a girl-friend? Why not a partner, a wife, a life companion? Using that word - girl-friend - implies (at least to me, a foreigner) that the relationship is not really that serious, that it can be broken up at any moment.

Honestly, aren't you wasting your time here? And making her waste hers, too?

 
Old 08-18-2008, 11:49 AM   #11
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Re: D-Day is approaching. Need Your help!

Hi,
D-Day was a play on words. What is happening right now is I'm considering moving out. The daughteris really the tip of the iceberg. I had an ongoing battle with her over a door to her office which would not allow me to find any peace. I asked why she wouldnt shut her door and she said she needed doors open. I said to her thats fine but when the office is rather loud, i cant listen to tv read or have any peace. All the time she refused to keep the door closed.All along i was carrying out her little pet peeves so she wouldnt get annoyed. I asked for this one thing and she wouldnt do it. That lasted one year or more. She then gave her daughter money for a busniness with a boyfriend she wasnt happy with. The daughter not long after broke up with the boyfirend and left the mother to try to salvage the business. She now had two business in the house. Two business double the noise. She told the daughter her problems with the business and she told her I dont want to hear them. The daughter that is. i didnt tell you to invest. Thats your problem. Not once would she ever come to me and say I'm sorry for anything shes done. It would take me less than a minute to see this is causing stress in the realtionship and change so as to compromise. any way my point is its not just the daughter situation its an overall frustration that i feel about alot of things.

 
Old 08-18-2008, 11:57 AM   #12
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Re: D-Day is approaching. Need Your help!

This has never been a relationship based in respect and acceptance that offers consideration and assistance. This has been a situation where because you're male/female - you think it is a romantic relationship and it should find a way to "work itself out".

All you've done is conceed - and all she's done is demand. And now you're wondering why she won't compromise - that's not in her skill set. If you'd have been less conciliatory to keep her at all costs - youo'd have recognized it much sooner.

 
Old 08-18-2008, 12:15 PM   #13
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Re: D-Day is approaching. Need Your help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ICFK1 View Post
This has never been a relationship based in respect and acceptance that offers consideration and assistance. This has been a situation where because you're male/female - you think it is a romantic relationship and it should find a way to "work itself out".

All you've done is conceed - and all she's done is demand. And now you're wondering why she won't compromise - that's not in her skill set. If you'd have been less conciliatory to keep her at all costs - youo'd have recognized it much sooner.
Well-said.

Couger, why do you say you need our help? You don't seem to be in doubt about what to do. Maybe only hesitating. How can we help you at all?

 
Old 08-18-2008, 12:39 PM   #14
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Re: D-Day is approaching. Need Your help!

Hi again,
I'm still hoping she starts to get it. The last resort is to threaten to leave. I am serious about that. I'm probably still doubtful about and trying despartly to understand her. What i know is she is not changing her tune when itcomes to her daughter. I really do feel so disrepected and taken for granted. My girlfriend should have immediatedly stood up for me. I just need to understand what this is all about. If i make this step i want to be sure that what Iam feeling is not just a stturborn stance,. I dont think this is good for me and my health. As a man its hard for me to hurt those around me. I'm really a very caring person but im also not going to take such disrespect. I quess i'm venting and just want to get somebodies else opinion before I leave. As soon as i start feeling sorry for her i weaken!!!!!! I try to rationize by saying shes not mean she just doesnt know these things. I'm very confused!!!!

 
Old 08-18-2008, 01:20 PM   #15
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Re: D-Day is approaching. Need Your help!

All that has happened here is that every time her actions haven't met your expectations or standards - you've said "well, she would have but......______________" and you've filled in the blank.

So you've attributed to her character she doesn't possess, priorities she doesn't have, and standards you don't share.

You've got her in your mind as someone she's not - so you've been able to have the feelings in association of "I'm in love, we're a couple".

And what you're finding is that in this situation....the line in the sand is drawn....and you now 'expect' something you can't justify not getting......so finally your head is out of the sand, and your butt is out of the air...and you don't like it one bit...but accept it- and work within it.

De-Nile is not just an ugly, feces infested river in Egypt.

Last edited by ICFK1; 08-18-2008 at 01:22 PM.

 
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