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Old 08-19-2008, 08:27 AM   #1
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whatcanyoudo HB User
Am I too sensitive or not enough?!

I have found the biggest thing in relationships I have with women is reading them right.

These days it is mostly on email and msn messenger and the like.

The following pattern seems to occur:

I build up a good relationship with lots of banter
We go out and have a great night out
We carry on chatting for a while

Then

After a month or so I find it hard to read the prson. Its like they will be giving one word answers and taking a while to reply to me. Or I just get replies back where its hard for me to follow up. Now I know everyone has a bad day but what i find frustrating is this:

If I try to say Whats up or tease them a little about being grumpy I get told either that I am being nasty to them or I'm being oversensitive.

Now when I'm in a bad mood or a bit pushed, I generally will still find time to them and explain that I'm busy and there is nothing up but I still get told "Oh you're being grumpy etc" yet I dont take it out on them and in fact I compensate for it so they dont think I am being grumpy.

But why does it not happen the other way round - surely if they like you, they should purposely make sure that they say stuff like "Oh I'm sorry blah blah" and make up for it.

It just seems that:

I'm in a grumpy mood - I get told so and that I'm being not nice and can be teased about it
If their in a grumpy mood - I get told that I am not being sensitive enough to them or I am being too sensitive.

I can't win - I just seem to find girls that are very much "rarely apologise and rarely give out compliments". I might be a guy but it makes me world if a girl said to me "You are looking good" without having me to fish for it!

 
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Old 08-19-2008, 09:36 AM   #2
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Re: Am I too sensitive or not enough?!

Maybe "fishing for it" is the problem. You know anytime you fish for a compliment it isn't really sincere anyway!

I don't know what to tell you about the grumpys or not grumpys or whatever...as I am not sure I completely understood.

After a while girls begin to get short with you or only answer your questions with one word anwers? If thats so you are doing something to put them out. If it were only one girl I would say it isn't "you" but ALL of them? Maybe you need to go over your last few relationships with a fine tooth comb and try and pin point exactly what you were doing when things went wrong...does it look like a pattern? Do they seem to all act the same?

I feel like I am rambling.

Mileena

 
Old 08-19-2008, 09:38 AM   #3
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Re: Am I too sensitive or not enough?!

after a while sometimes IM gets boring......why not talk on the phone instead?

 
Old 08-19-2008, 09:46 AM   #4
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Re: Am I too sensitive or not enough?!

What you're doing is attempting to build up an impression of yourself - that doesn't exist in interpersonal interaction.

On IM, phone, email - you're giving an impression that you're very into them as an individual, very witty, charming, amusing, and insightful as a person yourself.

That creates the expectation on the other person's part that they're giong to meet a combination of Brad Pitt and George Stephanopolous, with some George Clooney thrown in for flair and chair and pizzazz.

They meet you - there'sno way that the expectation they have of how you are, and how attentive, amusing, charming, witty, humorous, and intuitive you are can be lived up to - so they go "blank" or "silent".

where's the charming man that seemed to know my every thought and feeling before I expressed it? Well - to create that impression and continue with thatdynamic - you needed teh space of non-immediate response and non-face to face involvement.

 
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