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Old 08-19-2008, 07:06 PM   #1
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Can't get over my vacation romance

My situation is exactly as stated in the title. It's been about 2 months now and I still can't get over him. And I only dated him for 1 week! Not a day goes by when I don't think of him and wish that I could be with him. This is the second time I've ever felt that strongly about anyone (and I've dated a fair amount of guys). The first time was my first love. I want to say I love this guy but then how would I know in such a short amount of time?! I don't really believe in love at first sight that kind of thing. He's just the sweetest guy I have ever met. We didn't talk about what would happen or anything before I left.

We're still in touch through occasional emails but they've all just been really friendly. That's just the way he is, he's just a really nice guy. The situation is slightly more complicated than just a vacation romance because he happens to be one of my friends' best friend. I went on vacation to this place where I had lived for 4 years but never met that guy until the vacation. And that's a main reason why I don't want to be too "honest" about my feelings because we do share quite a few number of friends and that I'll probably move back there someday (maybe in a couple of years).

I know I'm not going to do anything about it (and hopefully time will fade my feelings) but I'm interested in hearing from others, especially those who have been in similar situations. It's just nice to be able to talk about it. Thanks for listening/reading!

 
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Old 08-20-2008, 06:36 AM   #2
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Re: Can't get over my vacation romance

Can you not maintain contact without having to declare a romance? Just to see what may develop? Surely you could email him, send some holiday pix, etc. I say this because these things can grow in your mind to the point where you will always have a lingering regret. See if you can get to know him as a friend online, you never know, the chemistry may be genuine. Or not, in which case, you can move on with just those nice memories. I had a romance like this once, and he went back to his own country. We wrote a few letters, but it did fade out - we didn't really have much to say in our everyday lives. I am glad we found this out in the natural course of events, as there are no lingering what-ifs hanging around. Cheers, Sera

 
Old 08-20-2008, 04:33 PM   #3
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Re: Can't get over my vacation romance

Thanks. I think that's the main reason I am not getting over it because I can't stop thinking about the what-ifs!!

 
Old 08-20-2008, 05:02 PM   #4
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Re: Can't get over my vacation romance

Has it occurred to you that if this guy wanted that type of relationship with you, including the distance, he'd have asked?

Has it occurred to you that a big part, possibly, of what appealed to you both was the fact that this was strictly temporary - it was "bubble" reality in which you two didn't have to think about the future, becuase it wans't possible to pursue a future - and so enjoy the present - because that's all there is?

My experience says that staying locked into "what if and if only" - means there are elements and aspects in your life you're wanting to have - and don't. That you believe a relationship romatically will fulfill - it might or might not.

But you've now opened up that knowledge to yourself, becuase of contact with him that hit on all your subliminal association buttons - and you can't get past "what if and if only" as it sounds through your conscious mind - rather than being supressed in your subconsious reality.

So now that you know that the cat is out of the bag -you want more regular, committed companionship in your life - realize you don't 'want him" - as an individual - he's a nice, sweet, hot guy that you had access to for a week - but you don't know him from adam, trust me...even you've admitted it.

Now that you're aware you want a more partnered life - go out and begin to pursue having that where you are - it'll kill the "what if and if only" - and replace it with "what is".

You've been writing a script in your head for a long time - and haven't acknowledged it. He didn't audition for the part - but you've had someone "like hiim" in terms of appearance and superficial actions in the part - as you've written it so far.

Your'e not going "what would my life be like WITH HIM"...you're going "what I envision my life will be like when I find that special someone" - and you're letting a guy fill the role on the program, that hasn't auditioned and isn't expressing any interest in playing the part when the curtain goes up.

Last edited by ICFK1; 08-20-2008 at 05:05 PM.

 
Old 08-20-2008, 07:14 PM   #5
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Re: Can't get over my vacation romance

Oh, yes, I also had my own vacation (holidays) romances, but that was a long time ago. They could be very intense, indeed. But that was a time when there was no Internet at all and the telephone was rather too expensive to use every day for long-distance calls. The only viable contact you could make was by ordinary (snail) mail. You are much more fortunate now: you are able to have quick responses. You can even do without patience, to a certain extent.

Anyway, I want to congratulate you for having found someone so special, for having those beautiful feelings for him (they don't need to have a definite name for the time being), and for their being reciprocated by him. That is lucky of you, despite the distance. Very many people are breaking up or still longing to find someone special. You read about these things on this very board. You may not have him as near as you would like to, but you still have a contact with him and (so far) only good memories. Cherish them, but what the future holds for you, only the future itself knows, and it will let you know only when the time comes. There is a Chinese saying like this: A person, whose fate is to meet their fortune, should not hurry to be happy. I don't know if this translation makes sense to you, but the moral is to take your time, to live each moment of your life as if it were the most important one and not to worry too much about what will come next. It is not in your hands, after all.

Unless you are already engaged to him, be open to new relationships and new experiences. I am sure he will also feel and act this way.

Last edited by pendulum; 08-20-2008 at 07:17 PM.

 
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