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Old 08-20-2008, 09:11 PM   #1
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Question ADVICE PLEASE: "Should I Keep This Man's Love Letters/Poetry?"

Thank you for all of the advice that you have provided me with under the topic:

'ADVICE PLEASE: "What Would Make Him Say That To Me?"....'

I have one more question that I would like advice on:

What should I do regarding his love letters and poetry?

Should I keep them tucked away in my keepsake box, or should I shred them?

What meaning could they have now?

When it came to "US", he romanticized everything. He even said to me, a few months ago, that it is amazing what you write when you are in love.

**** In the last letter that he wrote me, which was last year; he said that no matter what happens ( as no one knows what the future will hold ), he will always remember me as the woman that he was lucky enough to meet, who taught him that love with the right person can last a lifetime. ****

This was the letter where he told me what his feelings were for me to date since he had met me. He also told me what he had hoped for us if he was able to resolve his "situation."

What would you do if you were me?

This man and I work in the same building, and run into each other from time to time.

Thank you, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kellyann

Last edited by SHELLY2011; 08-20-2008 at 09:13 PM.

 
Old 08-20-2008, 10:31 PM   #2
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Re: ADVICE PLEASE: "Should I Keep This Man's Love Letters/Poetry?"

If it were me, I would:
Keep them for now
Look at them in about a year, have a good laugh, and,
then shred them in a ceremonial way.
In other words, don't ever make final decisions about ANYTHING until you are calm and in complete control of your emotions, etc. Cheers, Sera

 
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Old 08-20-2008, 10:34 PM   #3
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Re: ADVICE PLEASE: "Should I Keep This Man's Love Letters/Poetry?"

Keep them for 6 months, then let them go. The reason I say this is because I truly believe if you shred them right now, you will wonder for the next 6 months, if you should have kept them. In 6 months time, when you are hopefully seeing the man of your dreams (you know, the one without all the "issues") you'll be more than ready to say goodbye to them. Best of luck.

 
Old 08-21-2008, 07:03 AM   #4
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Re: ADVICE PLEASE: "Should I Keep This Man's Love Letters/Poetry?"

Do whatever feels right to YOU. If you want to keep them, then keep them. If getting rid of them feels right and would make you feel more free of it all, then get rid of them. I tried getting over a break up by boxing all the stuff related to him up and tucking it away in the basement. Several years later, it became clear that he would be the only love I would ever know, such as it was, and I got really sentimental so I dug the box out and got all the stuff out and I was glad I still had it all to look at and at least have something to remember the only time in my life I would ever know anything resembling love. Those keepsakes are very precious to me now.

There is no set "rule" for what to do. Everyone's different. You have to do what feels right to you.

 
Old 08-21-2008, 07:37 AM   #5
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Re: ADVICE PLEASE: "Should I Keep This Man's Love Letters/Poetry?"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
Do whatever feels right to YOU. If you want to keep them, then keep them. If getting rid of them feels right and would make you feel more free of it all, then get rid of them. I tried getting over a break up by boxing all the stuff related to him up and tucking it away in the basement. Several years later, it became clear that he would be the only love I would ever know, such as it was, and I got really sentimental so I dug the box out and got all the stuff out and I was glad I still had it all to look at and at least have something to remember the only time in my life I would ever know anything resembling love. Those keepsakes are very precious to me now.

There is no set "rule" for what to do. Everyone's different. You have to do what feels right to you.
I think LLM has a point here. If you throw them away, you may regret it later. This doesn't mean that you are still dwelling on him, but these poems and letters stand for a period of your life and possibly those were good moments for you, even if later they proved to be ... what do I say? ... rotten (is that too strong a word?).

Anyway, keep them for a while. Afterwards, look at them again. You will probably see them with different eyes. You will have a more serene judgement, if anything. If they still bring good memories to you or if you find those pieces to have some literary value (as if they hadn't been written for you or not written by him, an impersonal value, so to say), maybe you could put them away. Otherwise, you could burn them gently.

 
Old 08-21-2008, 07:53 AM   #6
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Re: ADVICE PLEASE: "Should I Keep This Man's Love Letters/Poetry?"

It's a pretty removed perspective - but here goes.

You two wre having an affair...he knew it all the time, you knew it some of the time. He was able to be the "person" he isn't with you - he's not that person in a relationship. He was playing a role, an image of himself he wnated to have - and that inspired his words...and your attention and adoration of him made him feel so great about himself, he couldn't hardly stand it.

Okay - so what he was saying - he might or might not have meant beyond the superficial, external moment in which he said them. That's fine.

But....with those cards and letters - youo have the hallmark/kodak/calgon/commercial moments that so often we sit back in life and go "I never had those moments' - I never walked on the beach with a lover in the sunset (didn't say there was love or respect, could have been just a fling)......I never heard the crowd cheering my name at a finish line....I never had someone send me a dozen red roses......and that's just you wanting those sueprficial, external actions - because of what you associate them with existentially - to happen in your life.

Those cards and letters you have - are those moments. What he really meant...you're not sure - and it doesn't matter. What it means to you is that someone found it worth thier time for whatever reason to "be romantic" towards yo - as you define romance.

By keeping them literally or just in your memory bank - you won't look back at 80 going "nobody ever thought I was worth romancing"....someone did.......they felt great about themselves around yo - you felt great about yourself thanks to their attention as well. It doesnt matter whether it was him playing a role he always envisioned he'd hold temporarily - and finally was - or whether it was a ploy to get more action without more conversation......you see this as "romantic" - and therefore you'll be able to look back forever going "someone thought i was worth some romance"...which is good.

Whether you keep it or not literally - probably depends on whether you keeping it keeps you in the past - wishing for it to recreate or whether it's just fond memories that you run across more frequently - as aresult of seeing the box in the garage, unopened.

 
Old 08-21-2008, 11:23 AM   #7
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Re: ADVICE PLEASE: "Should I Keep This Man's Love Letters/Poetry?"

Quote:
Originally Posted by ICFK1 View Post
It's a pretty removed perspective - but here goes.

You two wre having an affair...he knew it all the time, you knew it some of the time. He was able to be the "person" he isn't with you - he's not that person in a relationship. He was playing a role, an image of himself he wnated to have - and that inspired his words...and your attention and adoration of him made him feel so great about himself, he couldn't hardly stand it.

Okay - so what he was saying - he might or might not have meant beyond the superficial, external moment in which he said them. That's fine.

But....with those cards and letters - youo have the hallmark/kodak/calgon/commercial moments that so often we sit back in life and go "I never had those moments' - I never walked on the beach with a lover in the sunset (didn't say there was love or respect, could have been just a fling)......I never heard the crowd cheering my name at a finish line....I never had someone send me a dozen red roses......and that's just you wanting those sueprficial, external actions - because of what you associate them with existentially - to happen in your life.

Those cards and letters you have - are those moments. What he really meant...you're not sure - and it doesn't matter. What it means to you is that someone found it worth thier time for whatever reason to "be romantic" towards yo - as you define romance.

By keeping them literally or just in your memory bank - you won't look back at 80 going "nobody ever thought I was worth romancing"....someone did.......they felt great about themselves around yo - you felt great about yourself thanks to their attention as well. It doesnt matter whether it was him playing a role he always envisioned he'd hold temporarily - and finally was - or whether it was a ploy to get more action without more conversation......you see this as "romantic" - and therefore you'll be able to look back forever going "someone thought i was worth some romance"...which is good.

Whether you keep it or not literally - probably depends on whether you keeping it keeps you in the past - wishing for it to recreate or whether it's just fond memories that you run across more frequently - as aresult of seeing the box in the garage, unopened.

I believe with that detailed description, I understand what you meant.

And although we shouldn't have been together at all, under the circumstances, he did believe; as you said, that I was worth some romance.

Here is how he came into my life:

Back in September/06, this man who works in the same building as I do, approached me with a note wanting to get to know me. Apparently, he had been eyeing me for some time and was very attracted to me...he said from the first time he saw me. I responded by saying that I was seeing someone, but said that we could be friends. He said, "Lucky Guy, and that he doesn't give up easily." For a while after that we would run into each other and chat....he was still very interested in me. In November/06, he wrote me a letter and it was on my desk when I got to work. He told me how happy he was to see me and that I was the most GEORGEOUS PERSON, and that he hasn't felt so strongly towards someone in many years, and that he thinks of me often; and is happy seeing me if only by chance. He would always say, "Hello Beautiful, and Hello There."

Anyway, last fall we stopped seeing each other; even though we would still talk to each other when we saw each other in the building.

It is definitely for the best, though, that we are no longer involved; because I doubt he would be someone that I would be able to really trust or feel secure with in the long run.

Lately, he is just busy being curious about the guy that I am seeing now.

Kellyann

Last edited by SHELLY2011; 08-21-2008 at 01:37 PM.

 
Old 08-21-2008, 12:57 PM   #8
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Re: ADVICE PLEASE: "Should I Keep This Man's Love Letters/Poetry?"

Hint: When someone who's never met you or has spent little time with you personally thinks yuo're "the best" the 'bee's knees" "so gorgeous" or "the most wonderful person they ever met" - all they're telling is that you judge the external and superficial and they're into "drama and excitement and chaos".

 
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