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Talk to his family?

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Old 08-21-2008, 10:40 AM   #1
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Talk to his family?

What does it mean if a guy isn't ready for you to meet his family yet? My guy, his dad was in jail. And I think it was for quite some time when he was younger. His father has a parole officer currently. And he said that he isn't "ready" for me to meet his dad yet because he is an interesting character. And then he always talks about how his mom and his sister aren't very friendly and welcoming so he isn't ready for me to meet them yet.

I don't really find it to be a big deal. And I am close to my family. So of course I wouldnt want someone I was with to meet them. And they are very friendly people so I wouldn't be worried about how they would act.

Should I be sensitive about this subject or is he not letting me for a reason?
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Old 08-21-2008, 10:42 AM   #2
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Re: Talk to his family?

don't take it guess is he's either embarassed or ashamed of them for one reason or another.......
how long have you been together?

Old 08-21-2008, 10:44 AM   #3
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Re: Talk to his family?

Basically - he's telling you he's from a dysfunctional, unsuccessful background. and you probably haven't put 2+2 together yet - but some of the patterns he thinks in, and what he prioritizes reflect that.

But he's not going to take you to meet these people - because they'd give you an insight into where he comes from as a dynamic and relationship and environment that is NOT a good reflection on him. He's not close to his family - so why would he take you there? He never goes there, hey're not important to him.

Old 08-21-2008, 01:44 PM   #4
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Re: Talk to his family?

Don't take it personally, it has nothing to do with you. My guess is that he is not very proud of his family and wants to keep you away from them. If you care about him, don't push the issue. He may be afraid that you'll judge him if you see what kind of background he is from. He may even be afraid that you'll break up with him. Let's face it, no one would be proud of a parent who has been in jail.

Old 08-21-2008, 02:43 PM   #5
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Re: Talk to his family?

I agree that you shouldn't take this strictly on personal terms. Indeed, it's very common for young people to be ashamed of their own families, with no apparent reason. Even when they don't have a dysfunctional family, young people can be very critical of them. They may think their parents are unfashionable, too conservative, uneducated, ugly, unable to speak correctly, nosy, controlling, and so on... It can really take time before a young person can accept their own family as it is. Anyway, if this relationship is going to last, sooner or later you are going to meet them. Be patient. The important thing in my opinion is for you to meet them without preconceived ideas about them. That is, listen to your boy-friend but without telling him dismiss what appears to be overstatement or resentment.

By the way, have you already asked him if he would like to meet your family? What did he say? If he proves to be a decent fellow, show him that you like him for who he is and not for who his family might be and are ready to accept discrepancies. I hope your parents can also be supportive of this precept.

Old 08-22-2008, 07:31 AM   #6
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Re: Talk to his family?

Yeah. I have the feeling he may be embarrassed or worried about what I may think. He actually does see them often because right now he is living a town over from his Mom and he sees his Dad every other weekend-ish to play paddleball. They are divorced. Obviously these things are fine with me because I am still with him and I am very open minded about his family despite what he has said.

I definitely don't mind him meeting my family because they are very nice and "fairly" normal. I know they wouldn't do or say anything crazy.

5 months.
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