ok i just had to share this story recently. maybe other dating woman will get a kick out of it. OR men, who knows.
i have been dating this rather interesting guy. i have this 3 strikes your out rule, and i would like share the 3rd strike.
so i was in planned parenthood friday getting BC for cheaper cause i dont have a job right now, and the guy im dating calls me up and asks do i know where his niece can get the morning after pill? and i said well im in PP right now, they have it here. he asked if i could get some for her, and his car was in the shop so he couldn't meet me there. so i said i could drop it off.
being the NICE person i am i got extra condoms, an std pamphlet, and wrote out directions on how to take it. i went about 15 miles in the other direction. she is very young, so i thought i would help her out. so i go to drop it off, and he is very grateful. or so it seemed. he said thank you so much and would i like to go to dinner on sunday in appreciation. and i said sure. SO he said he would call in a couple hours and thank you so much.
SO it is THURSDAY...and HE NEVER CALLED. never called? EVER. not even a text, or ANYTHING? ***. why did he go out of his way to say he is going to call and EVEN plan a dinner and not follow up? why not just say thanks, and leave it at that? why lead me on to thinking we had plans or whatnot. and why ask me for that big of a favor and be SUCH an jerk in response?
i texted him around tuesday...and told him i couldn't believe how ridiculous he was. and he seemed to think nothing was wrong with his behavior?
are people insane? tell me. is the dating market doomed? the last couple of guys have been...WOW.
women are no different, J.. for some reason, when it comes to dating, people seem to behave really irrational (funny how we always seem other people's behaviour is irrational and not ours,). seriously, among my biggest complaints is not following through on promises/plans, especially when THEY initiate them...will never make sense to me.
women are the same OR worse... I had been seeing a lady for 2 months, one night she said she wanted to go to dinner, and I said " sure" she told me to meet her down there at 7. I ended up sitting at the resturant until 7:30, then went home and called her, to which she casually replied, I don't feel good. I never called her again...BUT then a few weeks later I was at lunch with a women I had just met and flaky girl comes up and tells my date " this guy will take you out then never call you again"
I have a question - did you actually meet or even see this "niece"? My first thought was that the morning after pill was actually for another girl that he is seeing.
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The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~
I have a question - did you actually meet or even see this "niece"? My first thought was that the morning after pill was actually for another girl that he is seeing.
That was my thought too, that maybe it wasn't his niece, maybe it was someone he slept with. Unless he has a really good reason for not calling you, I would move on and write him off as a flake.
I just want to add that a lot of people are flaky, it is not only in romantic situations. I don't know if it has become accepted in some way to not keep your word. I don't think there is any difference between men and women as far as flakiness goes.
no i had this hunch too...that it was for another woman. but, he was telling me about his niece before, etc. BUT who really knows. seriously who really knows..this guy is just shaddy.
and no...he still has not explained why he didn't call! whatever...movin' ON!
I don't think there is any difference between men and women as far as flakiness goes.
Hi,
Sorry to jump in on your post. But you're soo soo correct here.
Flakiness is on the increase - beware.
I still can't erase a flaky fellow from my psyche of 25 years ago. It's one of those perplexing unsolvable mysteries. Picture this:
A group of young social tennis (age20-30) players meeting at local Tuesday evening tennis club every week + saturday occasionally. I was rather keen on this one particular guy, we went on a date to a sking movie, he seemed nervous. End of date, asked if he'd like a coffee, "no thankyou". OK - fine, thanks for the movie. Next Tuesday tennis, he treated me like any other tennis player, just a brief hello. A week later asked me on another date, OK I went out with him, and can't recall where we went, but we came home early and the same thing occured. ie. "coffee?" "No thanks." (I asked one of the trusted fellows in the group to find out if he liked me or not, and the anwer was yes he did like me) So, Then another month or so passed, we kept playing tennis and bumping into each other at tennis and occassionally at other activities (Sking/sailing). Then, some weeks later, one Tuesday tennis evening, out of the blue, we were all at a coffee shop after tennis, and he invited me back to his place for . . . . . . . . . 'coffee' . . . . . . . . .
At his flat, there was no coffee or tea available, so a glass of water was all he could muster (bachelor!) and we made small talk, began to make out, progressed to shower scene, then to bedroom scene, (with a bedside drawer full condom packets) . . . . . . . . . all was OK - very nice indeed as I remember it all, until half way through, in the "throws of heightened passion" he suddenly stops what he is doing . . . . . . . . . (coitus interuptus) and asks me to leave in a manner that would have been appropriate if I had insulted his mother.
"I want you to leave now, please just leave." He stood, sentry like, at the open front door and watched as I passed by speechless. Very very very odd indeed!
I didn't hear from him again, but often hear about him through our mutual friends, but, 25 years later I am still feeling rejected, humiliated, embarrassed, and quite perplexed about this guy that I really really liked. My problem is that I still have quite a yearning for him, because I sometimes fantasise about him. . . . . . . Oh brother . . . . . . . . . Someone get a gun so I can . . . . . . lol.
Rhetorical Question: How silly can one girl get in one lifetime?
I'd really appreciate people's feedback on this one, really I would.
Am I just pining for what I can't have? Or, are my feelings for him still valid all these years later? I can't seem to get him out of my mind!
BTW: I'm currently 47 yo + married 17 years + 2 teenage kids
women are the same OR worse... I had been seeing a lady for 2 months, one night she said she wanted to go to dinner, and I said " sure" she told me to meet her down there at 7. I ended up sitting at the resturant until 7:30, then went home and called her, to which she casually replied, I don't feel good. I never called her again...BUT then a few weeks later I was at lunch with a women I had just met and flaky girl comes up and tells my date " this guy will take you out then never call you again"
Could it be the plans were tentative and she was expecting you to call to confirm, or did you say something to lead her to believe that you would call to confirm? If not, seems like more than just not caring, seems more like instability.
But I think people in general today, men and women, just dont' care anymore. We're all so busy trying to be our own little island unto ourselves, strong and not needing anyone else and trying to show the world how tough we are, that we have forgotten that what we do or don't do affects other people. And a woman gets burned by a man so she feels free to burn the next man, and because he got burned, he feels more free to burn the next woman he meets, and on and on and on it goes.
I didn't hear from him again, but often hear about him through our mutual friends, but, 25 years later I am still feeling rejected, humiliated, embarrassed, and quite perplexed about this guy that I really really liked. My problem is that I still have quite a yearning for him, because I sometimes fantasise about him. . . . . . . Oh brother . . . . . . . . . Someone get a gun so I can . . . . . . lol.
Rhetorical Question: How silly can one girl get in one lifetime?
I'd really appreciate people's feedback on this one, really I would.
I don't think it's HIM you're pining for at all. I'm sure you love your husband and the father of your two beautiful children. I think you just want closure and some answers. Sad to say though, there are no answers. You've been spending all these years thinking "what did I do wrong??" You did nothing wrong. This guy was just a crazy nutjob. The only thinkg you did wrong was to sleep with him when he was so hot and cold and so strange during the first couple of dates. But live and learn.
He may have been hot, but let's face it, you didn't love him. You didn't even know him, and what you did know of him, he's just whacked, and was a disturbed individual. So it's not him you're missing at all. I think you've just personalized the incident too much. You're still seeing it in terms of what you did to cause him to act this way. Embrace the fact that you didn't do anything at all. It was just who he was. You obvioulsy learned your lessons because you found a good man who has loved you for 17 years. Focus on and pat yourself on the back for that, and do your best to let go of this one mistake you made. You didn't repeat it, and you learned from it, and that's all that matters.
Also, I have to mention that I was also thinking that the "goodies" were not for a neice either but another girl. I could be wrong, but shady people do shady things.
haha, i totally love this post. i cant believe how shaddy people are becoming.
his first two strikes were of the same nature... saying going to call and didn't. and saying we were gonna hang out and didnt. but those were more of casual speakings of. not as much as 'thank you so much do you wanna have dinner in appreciation'. what a flake!
i just dont understand. i would have never dated this guy if HE hadn't pursued me. or if HE hadn't asked my number, asked ME out, etc. but from the beginning he was shown to be flakey, so this, doesn't shock me all that much. why go through ALL that trouble, and then just...flake out on everything.i just really dont like that he wasted MY TIME! why do that to people? when im busy in my life, i dont go out of my way to date people when i have no time for them or cant follow up with them.
i told him if he wants to put in some effort and a little appreciation to maybe give me a call, but im done with the crap!
i just...never flake on people. ever. even when im sick i make an 'appearance'. time is too precious to be selfish with other people's lives.
Hello Waratah: This guy is not just flaky, but a down right freak. I think what he did was mean and I hope you never see him again, I mean ever. My very first lover use to climax before me, I mean just before me. I am right on the verge of 'the point of no return' and he ****. We would mess around several times a night, and I was lucky to get one orgasm. I have my first born from him, a few months out of my life and a broken heart at the time. I am full of thanks that I never married this man. I would be walking around on the verge all the time wanting to be filled. That is mean. It was like he was racing me, then when he left the room to go smoke, and I was there in bed hoping to finish myself off, just as I was 'getting there', he yells out 'what are you doing in there?' Come on! Looser! I would not have minded him getting in a few before me, but always leaving me hanging and nothing, no manual stimulation to finish me off by him or me. It was like it was inappropriate for me to have an orgasm. Scary. Wow, that was entirely too much to say. Still feel stupid after all these years, then 1982, now 2008.
Last edited by gwoman; 08-23-2008 at 01:37 PM.
Reason: Clarity
haha, i totally love this post. i cant believe how shaddy people are becoming.
his first two strikes were of the same nature... saying going to call and didn't. and saying we were gonna hang out and didnt. but those were more of casual speakings of. not as much as 'thank you so much do you wanna have dinner in appreciation'. what a flake!
i just dont understand. i would have never dated this guy if HE hadn't pursued me. or if HE hadn't asked my number, asked ME out, etc. but from the beginning he was shown to be flakey, so this, doesn't shock me all that much. why go through ALL that trouble, and then just...flake out on everything.i just really dont like that he wasted MY TIME! why do that to people? when im busy in my life, i dont go out of my way to date people when i have no time for them or cant follow up with them.
i told him if he wants to put in some effort and a little appreciation to maybe give me a call, but im done with the crap!
i just...never flake on people. ever. even when im sick i make an 'appearance'. time is too precious to be selfish with other people's lives.
This man has no regard for people, no respect. I am sorry that you have been through this and that the favor you did for him cost you. He used you. How did he happen to call just at the time you were at PP getting bc? That is very interesting to me. I wish you would have asked to delivery 'the pill' to the niece, that would have been great. I actually believed in the niece thing. Not now! I have been too kind in the past and it has cost me, he definitely knows how to throw words around. I hope you meet someone really great and my heart goes out to you.
actually in a sense im kinda glad i did the favor, because well...it allowed me to see his true colors early on. before we were actually in a 'relationship'. i now know he is not someone that will appreciate me and be there for me, and at least i know that NOW and not LATER. whether or not it was for his niece is... debatable...but i don't really care at this point, i helped out SOMEONE i guess.
i agree, he is a word thrower! i dont understand why he needs to BS so much? why not just be upfront. im gonna find out if your crappy eventually so just be yourself from the beginning and not waste both of our time!!!
I don't think it's HIM you're pining for at all. I'm sure you love your husband and the father of your two beautiful children. I think you just want closure and some answers. Sad to say though, there are no answers. You've been spending all these years thinking "what did I do wrong??" You did nothing wrong. This guy was just a crazy nutjob. The only thinkg you did wrong was to sleep with him when he was so hot and cold and so strange during the first couple of dates. But live and learn.
He may have been hot, but let's face it, you didn't love him. You didn't even know him, and what you did know of him, he's just whacked, and was a disturbed individual. So it's not him you're missing at all. I think you've just personalized the incident too much. You're still seeing it in terms of what you did to cause him to act this way. Embrace the fact that you didn't do anything at all. It was just who he was. You obvioulsy learned your lessons because you found a good man who has loved you for 17 years. Focus on and pat yourself on the back for that, and do your best to let go of this one mistake you made. You didn't repeat it, and you learned from it, and that's all that matters.
HI marylou'smom,
Geee, a big thanks to you for yor reply.
You know what? I HAVE BEEN wondering all these 25+ years what I did wrong to make him react in such an ungentlemanly way. I never discussed the incident with ayone before, so didn't have the 'opportunity for closure'as you so elequently phrased it - and of course you're absolutley correct! So thank-you.
I actually did believe that I had done something horrible that evening, but just couldn't figure out what it might be? And again, you're correct in saying that I over personalised it! And yes, I did, and have been doing so for far too long. So thank-you again
It is just so amazing that someone on the other side of the world, who doesn't know you from Adam, can so easily help to engender clarity in such a perplexing issue. Well done and thank-you!
my experience 
for some reason, when it comes to dating, people seem to behave really irrational (funny how we always seem other people's behaviour is irrational and not ours,
). seriously, among my biggest complaints is not following through on promises/plans, especially when THEY initiate them...will never make sense to me.
And again, you're correct in saying that I over personalised it! And yes, I did, and have been doing so for far too long. So thank-you again 
