It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-21-2008, 09:27 PM   #1
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Ca
Posts: 250
Dang12 HB User
Question Possible to go from "more than friends" to just "friends" and everything ok?

To make a long story short, I have fooled around with this girl and she seemed very into me. However, lately we havent fooled around (4-6 weeks) at all and just going to eat but we still talk and see each other alot. My question is whether a girl can downgrade a guy from a romantic interest to just a friend and have everything be ok. She has not said anything to me about thinking of me as just a friend from now on.

I would tend to think that if she didnt want to pursue me as a boyfriend she would stop all contact with me. She knows I like her more then a friend so I would tend to think she wouldnt lead me on like this. We still talk alot and see each other and I dont think she would want anything to do with me if she stopped liking me as more then a friend. The problem is she does have alot of guy friends that she hangs out with but I know she has not fooled around with any of them. So im not sure if she simply downgraded me to one of her other guy friends but I just dont see how she would want to be friends if she doesnt like me as more then a friend anymore.

Thanks

Last edited by Dang12; 08-21-2008 at 09:38 PM.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 08-21-2008, 11:44 PM   #2
Facilitator
(female)
 
Seraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,886
Seraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB User
Re: Possible to go from "more then friends" to just "friends" and everything ok?

In my experience, this is just a more gentle let-down than a blunt rejection. Whichever way you look at it, there is a downgrade involved, just as you say. I think, mostly people (usually girls) say this to show that they have nothing against you a person but that you are just not relationship material. It doesn't sit well with most "downgrades" tho, for obvious reasons. I really feel that a complete stop is kinder in the long run, then friendship may develop later after things have settled down.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 08-22-2008, 12:28 AM   #3
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Ca
Posts: 250
Dang12 HB User
Re: Possible to go from "more then friends" to just "friends" and everything ok?

I was thinking that it could be but she does call me and iniaitiates a good part of the time, she even pays for me quite a bit. I do see that we have stopped all more then friends activities. In fact I talked to her on the phone for over an hour this week and she called me. I actually earlier in the week went over her place after shopping and we were alone for a little while. While I am thinking I have be downgraded, I dont see why she would have over a guy she knows likes her but doesnt like back alone in her apartment late at night. I was about to make a move but her dog started to throw up and that ended the night.

All I can say is, if I am downgraded she is being incredibly nice to me. I was waiting for the right time to talk to her about this, we are starting new positions together and I will see her about 3-4 times a week. I was hoping to say something to her on monday because we will be seeing each other. Do you think that is the right move?

Last edited by Dang12; 08-22-2008 at 12:34 AM.

 
Old 08-22-2008, 12:36 AM   #4
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 137
Niclolu HB User
Re: Possible to go from "more then friends" to just "friends" and everything ok?

Have you thought to come right out and ask her where the relationship is going? If it were me, I would ask just to know where I stand. Why waste your time if she likes you now as a friend. This is not to say that you could not remain friends, of course. Just knowing for sure is a start.

 
Old 08-22-2008, 12:41 AM   #5
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Ca
Posts: 250
Dang12 HB User
Re: Possible to go from "more then friends" to just "friends" and everything ok?

Yea I plan on saying something to her on monday at work. Im at a point where I just need to say something to her because while I still dont mind being friends with her, I just cant go on not knowing where we stand.

With girls who like to let down easy and be really nice, do they typically still hang out with guys they know like them for 4-6 weeks or longer? So I guess then that being downgraded to a friend is not something unusual? I guess I thought if a girl stopped liking you that they would pretty much stop talking to you altogether.

I think what also might be a factor is that she is an extremely tough girl, she doesnt show emotion very easily and is very independent. She is also into drinking and hangs out with her guy coworkers. I guess she can be described as being more closed off in terms of reading her true feelings then a typical girl. As a result, I am confused as to where we stand.

Is there a chance if I ask her about our relationship that she wont give me an answer?

Thanks

Last edited by Dang12; 08-22-2008 at 12:48 AM.

 
Old 08-22-2008, 01:41 AM   #6
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 137
Niclolu HB User
Re: Possible to go from "more then friends" to just "friends" and everything ok?

It is hard to say. I know people who have a hard time showing emotions and they are very hard to read. I am one of those people who need to know so I will ask. Sometimes I get a straight answer and sometimes they play games.

I also know girls who like to have fun with no commitments or strings attached. Could that be her? They can move beyond friendship (fooling around) and then back again (just friends). It is obvious she likes you as a person. But as more than friends, maybe she realizes that she likes you as a friend more.

Or maybe she prefers that you make the move first. Some girls come across as tough but they are actually pretty insecure inside. The tough front is a tool to protect themself from getting hurt. They will not admit it but that is usually what it is.

She sounds like a friend I have at work. She enjoys hanging out with the guys and she dates a lot of guys. However, she is not attached to any one guy and she can be intimate with them one day and just hang out another day. Not all girls are the love em and leave em type.

Still, we can guess all night long and still wonder. I am glad you are going to ask her.

The important question here is, what kind of girl do you want. Would you be comfortable with a girlfriend who hang out with the guys?

 
Old 08-22-2008, 01:50 AM   #7
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Ca
Posts: 250
Dang12 HB User
Re: Possible to go from "more then friends" to just "friends" and everything ok?

I am comfortable with her being my gf and hanging out with other guys becuase they are her coworkers and i know her closest guy friends all hav gf's. I also have known her for only a short time whereas these guy friends she has known for years. So it doesnt bother me.

When we went shopping earlier in the week, she said to me "I need to go on a diet." Im not sure if that was one of those things girls say to get the guys attention or not. But of course she doesnt and i told her that. She also showed me the dresses she bought recently. I guess these are things I dont believe she talks about with her other guy friends. It probably isnt anything but I thought it might be subtle signs that she thinks of me more then a friend.

I am trying to make a move but it has always turned against me, either I am busy, or she is, she went out of town for a few weeks, or something happens such as her dog throwing up.

I think that she fits the description where she puts up a wall because she had a boyfriend whom she was pracitically engaged to and she said she was planning on marrying him. She told me that she caught him cheating on her. Even though she didnt give off any emotion, I cant see how it didnt deeply hurt her. Not only that, she has a terrible relationship with her parents and rarely talks to them.

I also know shes not into one night stands or anything like that. She told me she has had a few boyfriends and she does not flirt etc.

So basically I know shes a tough girl but she definetly shares with me more personal things about herself then her other guy friends, either becuase they dont ask or she doesnt want to talk about. She basically tells me alot but expresses no emotion when saying it etc.

Im just hoping this doesnt make anything awkward between us, we work together and I will see her weekly. Im trying to find the best way to say it.

Anyone else?

Thanks

Last edited by Dang12; 08-22-2008 at 02:02 AM.

 
Old 08-22-2008, 09:17 AM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 4,081
Larrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB User
Re: Possible to go from "more then friends" to just "friends" and everything ok?

What's the deal with all the guys these days wanting the girl to chase them?

The question is, do you like HER more than just a friend? If so, what are you doing to show her? When was the last time you treated her to dinner or took her out? How about just asking her? If I were her, I think what I would appreciate the most is you just coming out and telling me you like me and want to pursue a romantic relationship and how do I feel about that? The worst she could say is she just doesn't see you that way. At least then you'll know. Grab the bull by the horns.

 
Old 08-22-2008, 09:28 AM   #9
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 110
sweet_chic HB User
Re: Possible to go from "more then friends" to just "friends" and everything ok?

Hmmm...I don't know...people are hard to read.

Can girls go from more than friends to just friends? IT depends. It depends on how long you knew her and how close of a friendship the two of you shared before she "downgraded" you.

If you're asking whether a girl can be friends with a guy that she KNOWS likes her as more than a friend if she doesn't like him....then that's another hard question. Tell me, can YOU (being a guy) hang out and be "just friends" with a girl that you KNOW is into you, but with whom you share no romantic interest in?? How would this make you feel? Uncomfortable? Uneasy? Sometimes the way we would react answers our own questions.

For me personally, if I had a guy friend, and I KNEW that he liked me as more than a friend, and I shared NO romantic interest in him whatsoever and couldn't forsee myself liking him in that way, then I probably wouldn't feel comfortable hanging out with him. I certainly wouldn't invite him out places just the two of us, or call him all the time. That would just be cruel and unusual treatment for him. But then again...I actually care about a guys feelings, because I wouldnt' want a guy to play with my emotions like that. But SOME girls (unfortunately) like to keep some guys around just so that they can get male attention.

I would make my interest more known (if I were you), because it seems like she MIGHT not know how you feel exactly? If you let her know how you feel, then she would have no excuse. Sometimes some girls (myself included) will start to feel like a guy is just her brother if he doesn't eventually make a move. We may be interested at first, but if a guy is too shy or unconfident to make a move, even if we actually LIKE the guy romantically, our attraction may go down because we're getting the impression that the guy isn't confident. Just a thought....

Obviously she likes you as a person and as a friend. It seems like you two already talk in depth anyway. I really don't see what you have to lose!

 
Old 08-22-2008, 01:01 PM   #10
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Ca
Posts: 250
Dang12 HB User
Re: Possible to go from "more then friends" to just "friends" and everything ok?

Yea at this point its just driving me crazy because her behavior can be just friends or more then friends in the last 4-6 weeks. I know she knows I like her because I have asked her out to dinner etc and I told her I liked her, granted I told her that a very long time ago but I did nonetheless. To make a long story short, she is very busy and lately we have just been going out to lunch etc and not any romantic activities. Im just at a point where I dont think she would spend time with me if she didnt like me back. However, it doesnt help matters that she has alot of guy friends in her life and I could see myself being just a friend from now on. I think she might be waiting for me to make a move and talk to her about this directly.

I really think that its her desire to not show alot of emotion that really is the main reason I am confused here. She is just a person who doesnt open up emotionally. I guess you could see her as a very feminine girl, very beautiful, but also has guy charaterisitcs such as drinking alot of beer and hanging out with the guys. So I think that she is just more closed off then most girls and as a result I cant read her behavior.


For me personally, I probably couldnt go from a romantic interest to just friends with a girl I know likes me but I dont like in return. That would just be too awkward and I probably couldnt handle it. The only thing I can think of is that she might feel she has to be nice to me and hang out with me because she knows I will see her every week at work.

Last edited by Dang12; 08-22-2008 at 01:06 PM.

 
Old 08-22-2008, 03:24 PM   #11
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 584
redsoxgirl2418 HB Userredsoxgirl2418 HB User
Re: Possible to go from "more then friends" to just "friends" and everything ok?

maybe it's not that she just wants to be friends...maybe she does want a relationship, one that isn't just based on sex? Maybe she's trying to see if you actually have things in common and have fun hanging out when you're not having sex? In other words, could it be that this isn't a transition from "more than friends" to "just friends", instead it's a transition from "friends with benefits" to "bf/gf"? The only way to know for sure I guess is to ask her.

 
Old 08-22-2008, 03:46 PM   #12
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Ca
Posts: 250
Dang12 HB User
Re: Possible to go from "more than friends" to just "friends" and everything ok?

When I said "fooled around" I didnt mean sex, I meant making out etc. We have an extremely large amount in common, in fact we have very little that we do not share. The only way in which were are different is that she likes to drink more then me, I went on a long term low carb diet and obviously I couldnt have much alcohol so after a while I lost interest in drinking altogether. I still drink but not nearly as much as her. I thought that might be another sign she likes me more then a friend because she was hanging out with a guy that isnt into drinking, most of her guy friends are heavy drinkers, I would even say borderline alcoholics.

Is having to directly talk about this common? I thought most of the time people just can tell the other likes them without having to actually directly talk about it. Im fine doing this but I think that I havent done it earlier because I just assumed that she liked me and didnt feel the need to address it with her. I guess I have no choice now.

Whats the best way to ask her? I really do like her and want a relationship with her so I would like to be sweet etc.

Last edited by Dang12; 08-22-2008 at 03:48 PM.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Dealing with the "friends" who disappear Gijill91 Grief & Loss 11 11-27-2008 04:39 PM
Boyfriend with many female "friends" Tally25 Relationship Health 14 07-18-2008 11:20 AM
Friends with benefits...but I wouldn't say we're even "friends..." CUCrusaders24 Sexual Health - Women 7 06-05-2008 10:45 PM
"Are there any faithful guys left?" more updates and questions kirsten07 Relationship Health 2 08-01-2006 04:16 PM
My friend won't "see" friends and family.......DEPRESSED hypokelly Cancer: Lung 2 03-17-2006 07:28 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:50 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.com™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!