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Old 08-23-2008, 02:25 PM   #1
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more situations concerning life and love

hi all,

I just want to vent about life for a moment.....I am wondering if life will ever get "exciting" for me again. Don't get me wrong, i love living life but I miss having fun.....Let me explain myself. Since my breakup I have been out on two dates....One was a crash and burn date and the other guy I see occasionally. I am a very active girl, i like to go running in the park, go see films, sit outside on twilight tues and listen to the music (twilight tuesday is an event in saint louis were bands play music under the stars), and things of that nature... BUT i like to share those things with people and that hasn't been the case for quite sometime....Everyday is the same thing school, school, school (five days in a row from 7am -8pm), work work (two days in a row fri and sat), and sunday when i have to catch up on my daily house maintenance.....once again, don't get me wrong i LOVE school, and i am very fortunate to be doing what i am doing, but sometimes i want to relax with someone (preferably a man who wants to relax with me) and enjoy my time doing something other than school work and work work....

the other day somebody at work asked if they could switch me a day next week...that means that i will have friday night off!! I was veeerrryyy excited when they asked, but i thought what in the hell am i going to do? Most likely i will stay home and relax, which is fine, but who knows the next fri i will have off, so i would really like to go out and have fun.

okay back to the "second date guy". he and i talk to each other a couple times a week, but i am not sure where it is heading.....i am trying to relax and take things one step at a time, but to be honest i am scared that i am going to get screwed out of the deal....he and i started sleeping together, which is great, but sometimes i think that is the only time that we see each other...and i don't want to get into another relationship just about sex (that is what i had at the end of the relationship with my ex).

Yesterday the "new guy" and i were driving back from my aunt's house and he asked me what i was thinking. i was embarrassed to say but i told him my thoughts. I said "i was wondering if we are dating each other?" he was silent for a moment and then shrugged his shoulders and said "i don't know". i dropped it after he said that, but really don't know where to go from here. he didn't meet my family b/c i asked him to meet them or b/c he wanted to meet them, he owns a business and is going to do some work for them....so even though he met my family for the first time, it was more of a "business meeting". before we left go out to my aunt's house we were having dinner and i asked him how was his day at work....he said, "i am about to start work now". he was referring to going out to my aunts house......

anyways since this letter is long, i will stop here. but please feel feel free to give my your opinion on my situations.

thanks,

Linds

Last edited by lindsjean; 08-23-2008 at 03:05 PM.

 
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Old 08-23-2008, 03:41 PM   #2
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Re: more situations concerning life and love

Well, I'm sorry to hear you're having kind of a tough time right now linds. I think that's just life sometimes. I know how you feel. I'm going through the same thing now. Lots of changes going on at work and things are tense and stressed, and I never have time to go out and just have fun really. And when I do, it's just not enough, seems unsatisfying.

You were the only one there in the car when the new guy shrugged and said "I don't know," but could it be possible that he was disappointed that you weren't sure if you are dating? Or was he kind of blasse about it?

Sleeping with someone you haven't established a strong, close emotional bond with can seem like a quick fix, but if you're anything like me, in the long run it will only make you feel even more lonely and disconnected from life and the world. Concentrate on spending time with people who truly really care about you and have your best interests at heart. That's where it's really at, that will fill you up more than casual sex with a non-commital Mr. Right Now who wouldn't care if you fell off the face of the earth tomorrow. Follow your passions, get to know as many people at school as you can. maybe you can meet a couple for drinks after class? And if you're a nester like me, that's ok. Give yourself plenty of "me" time to just sit quietly and enjoy the peace of your home.

this is just a rough patch. It will pass, and you will soon enter a new chapter in your life. good luck.

 
Old 08-23-2008, 11:07 PM   #3
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Re: more situations concerning life and love

[QUOTE=Larrylou'smom;3701171]Well, I'm sorry to hear you're having kind of a tough time right now linds. I think that's just life sometimes. I know how you feel. I'm going through the same thing now. Lots of changes going on at work and things are tense and stressed, and I never have time to go out and just have fun really. And when I do, it's just not enough, seems unsatisfying.

You were the only one there in the car when the new guy shrugged and said "I don't know," but could it be possible that he was disappointed that you weren't sure if you are dating? Or was he kind of blasse about it?

Thanks larrylou'smom for responding and I am sorry that you are going through hard times as well. but as you said maybe this is just a rough patch and soon we will enter into a new chapter in life....

as for the new guy he wasn't really "blasse" about it. he shrugged his shoulders and had an 'i don't know look' on his face...that is the best way i can describe his facial expression.....oh yeah, it was just he and i in the car when we were talking...

i agree with you when you said "Sleeping with someone you haven't established a strong, close emotional bond with can seem like a quick fix...in the long run it will only make you feel even more lonely and disconnected from life and the world..."
i would love to have a relationship with someone, but to be honest i still miss my ex. however, i don't think about my ex when i am with the new guy, and i haven't compared the new guy to my ex. (which is something that i used to do, but i realize that it was not the proper thing to do...)

also i am a loner at heart, meaning i would prefer a night at home with a loved one as opposed to a night at the club.... i don't mind spending time by myself BUT .....
okay i feel like i am overly complaining.

oh well such is life. the thing i look forward to the most is change. i know that nothing is constant in life so things will get better....the only question is when?

 
Old 08-24-2008, 10:14 AM   #4
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Re: more situations concerning life and love

I know. It can be hard. But what helps me sometimes when I'm feeling like this is, I just kind of re-assess my life. What is missing? What do I really, really want? then once I figure that out, I try to formulate a plan that will help me get it, and I work on getting rid of all the things in my life that are keeping me from getting it. For example, I am a real homebody. I'd much rather stay at home and nest with my dog than go out bar hopping and such as well. I wish i had a husband and kids at home with me, but I don't. So I figured well, they aren't going to come to you, so you have to go out to try to find them. well, that resulted in being in loud, noisy clubs with drunk, obnoxious, toxic people and that really wasn't where I wanted to be either. So I stopped doing that. I accepted the things I can't change and work on the things i can and in the meantime, I enjoy spending my evenings at home with my dog. I probably will never have a husband or kids there with me, so it will always be much less than what I really want, but it beats being where I really don't want to be and wasting time trying to find something that might not be out there for me.

Do some soul searching. What do you get out of being around this guy? Is it good, positive, does it add to your life in a positive way, or do you feel like you're trying to get blood out of a stone when you're with him? Do you feel frustrated, exhausted and dissatisfied more than you feel at peace? If so, then it's time to reevaluate why you have him in your life, and is what he's willing to give you worth accepting what you're not getting, and not out looking for?

 
Old 08-25-2008, 07:53 AM   #5
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Re: more situations concerning life and love

Quote:
Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
I know. It can be hard. But what helps me sometimes when I'm feeling like this is, I just kind of re-assess my life. What is missing? What do I really, really want? then once I figure that out, I try to formulate a plan that will help me get it, and I work on getting rid of all the things in my life that are keeping me from getting it. For example, I am a real homebody. I'd much rather stay at home and nest with my dog than go out bar hopping and such as well. I wish i had a husband and kids at home with me, but I don't. So I figured well, they aren't going to come to you, so you have to go out to try to find them. well, that resulted in being in loud, noisy clubs with drunk, obnoxious, toxic people and that really wasn't where I wanted to be either. So I stopped doing that. I accepted the things I can't change and work on the things i can and in the meantime, I enjoy spending my evenings at home with my dog. I probably will never have a husband or kids there with me, so it will always be much less than what I really want, but it beats being where I really don't want to be and wasting time trying to find something that might not be out there for me.

Do some soul searching. What do you get out of being around this guy? Is it good, positive, does it add to your life in a positive way, or do you feel like you're trying to get blood out of a stone when you're with him? Do you feel frustrated, exhausted and dissatisfied more than you feel at peace? If so, then it's time to reevaluate why you have him in your life, and is what he's willing to give you worth accepting what you're not getting, and not out looking for?
hi all.

larryou's mom, why have you lost faith that you will marry and have kids? I know sometimes we must have faith in the unimaginable.....as i try to do...i hear about people who found love when they least expect it and i suppose that will happen to most of us when we stop searching. as for me it is hard to let go of searching for love....i was thinking about buying a dog a couple of months ago, but my schedule is so hectic that i wouldn't have enough time to tend to him/her....

reassessing life is a good idea, and something that i often do...i like where my life is heading and i don't want to get off the path that i am on...when i was seeing my ex, i was defiantly off this trail.

as for the new guy i really enjoyed hanging out with him....however i don't know if a long term relationship would work out between us but it was nice to have someone to hang out with after school and work. since he went from calling me everyday to not calling me at all i suppose it is over. oh well we win some and lose some....

do you do anything besides work? i mean are you involved in any clubs (i.e. book clubs, sporting events, etc)?

 
Old 08-25-2008, 11:45 AM   #6
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Re: more situations concerning life and love

Well, when you simply look at the stats...10% of American adults never marry at all. Of those who do, 50% divorce. Of those that stay married, 50% of those report their marriages are unhappy. So we're talking about something that only happens to maybe 15 to 20% of the American population. I'd have better odds winning the powerball. Plus I'm 43, past safe childbearing age. I don't want to be 50 chasing after kindergarders with bad knees and middle aged reflexes, hearing, eyesight, etc. And statistically speaking, at my age I have a better chance at getting hit by lightning than marrying, and that's if I were a normal 40 year old, with a history of at least a few good relationships under my belt, already done the home and hearth bit. My history consists of literally over a hundred bad first dates from internet services and not one second date, and one barely-can-even-be-called-a relationship with someone I loved very much but who was wrong for me and who apparently lied to me the whole time we were together and someone I really didn't mean anything to. Someone who had only been with three women his whole life, his college girl, who he said he would have married if she hadn't cheated on him and dumped him, me, and the woman after me, whom he actually did marry. Very marriage minded and wanting to make it happen very badly and I was the only one he tossed aside, deemed "not good enough." With a history like that, hope for an 11th hour fairy tale ending just seems rather silly. I simply missed my window.

I have friends that I hang out with, and a band that I play out with, so I don't really just sit at home, though that's really what I prefer to do. My dog is my family, since I truly am a homebody at heart, and that's where I want to be. I'm lucky in that I work very close to home and can come home at lunch and take him out and spend time with him. Yes, to be fair, be sure you can devote at least, bare minimum, three hours a day to education, socialization and play and employment with a dog before you get one.

Sorry your guy has stopped calling, but maybe it's for the best. It feels bad, and that's a feeling you really don't need right now. Look at this as a great opportunity to focus on you and how you can go about building the best you and the best life for you to live in that you can. Not only will you feel more at peace, but you will also be stronger and wiser and in a better position to deal with dating and men and all that.

Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 08-26-2008 at 07:34 AM.

 
Old 08-26-2008, 09:35 AM   #7
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Re: more situations concerning life and love

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Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
Well, when you simply look at the stats...10% of American adults never marry at all. Of those who do, 50% divorce. Of those that stay married, 50% of those report their marriages are unhappy. So we're talking about something that only happens to maybe 15 to 20% of the American population. I'd have better odds winning the powerball.


Look at this as a great opportunity to focus on you and how you can go about building the best you and the best life for you to live in that you can. Not only will you feel more at peace, but you will also be stronger and wiser and in a better position to deal with dating and men and all that.
wow you have it broken down to statistics! Since the divorce rate and unhappily marriage rate is so high, i rather not marry. to be honest i don't think i need to document on paper that i love someone....either i love them and i will be faithful or not. however at 43 you still have A LOT of life to live. i know sometimes i can be pessimistic, but love will come. it will. (for all of us) but in the mean time all we see is the negative. are there any guys that have caught your attention at work? i know that work relationships can be awkward if they turn out bad, but i think that it depends on the maturity of the individual....i know families that have worked together for years and they keep the business going....

do you have any kids? if not the guy you WILL meet, might have a couple of kids and that will turn out to be enough.

as i mentioned before i understand you when you say you are a home body.....i am the same way. i definitely prefer a relaxing night cooking dinner and watching a good movie over a night at the club. i suppose that is why i started getting involved in more events through school and such. i meet more people and feel a little more "connected" to the people on the earth.

yeah i am sorry the new guy stopped calling as well . but things happen for a reason. i really enjoyed hanging out with him and the sex was nice as well. but oh well...there is now room for someone else.

 
Old 08-26-2008, 09:46 AM   #8
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Re: more situations concerning life and love

Quote:
Originally Posted by lindsjean View Post
are there any guys that have caught your attention at work? :
LOL Yes, but unfortunately, they're all married. The ones worth having have been snapped up by the time you get to be my age. To answer your question, no I have no children. Just a dog, but I love him almost as though he's my son. In fact I call him my hairy son, hence my name. I gotta nurture and mother something!

Quote:
Originally Posted by lindsjean View Post

yeah i am sorry the new guy stopped calling as well . but things happen for a reason. i really enjoyed hanging out with him and the sex was nice as well. but oh well...there is now room for someone else.

Yes, that's a very sensible way to look at it. The path is now clear for someone who will treat you the way you want and deserve to be treated.

 
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