Originally Posted by grimm36
i've recently had an argument with my wife over something petty. the argument blew up out of all proportion, things were said and done that i'm not proud of. my wife has agreed for us to try again, but i need to change. i have promised i would change anything she asks of me. but how can i convince her, that this time i mean it?? please help!!!
I have got the impression that you promised far more than you were able to do or give. Like when you said "anything
she asks of me". Don't you think you should try to be more realistic? It almost seems like she was giving you an ultimatum, and you got hold of the last branch in the tree in order not to fall down to the ground. Sobriety is a good thing. Just promise what you know you can do. First you have to convince yourself that you can do it, not the other party. Don't promise the moon if you can't even reach the top of a tree.
I think it would be more sensible to sit down with her again and discuss what can really be done on both sides. Often it is not enough for just one party to change. In most cases, both parties have to change
, even though one party often has to do most of the change. It is a two-way road.
I think it is also ok to ask for tolerance and feedback from the other party. While you are trying to change yourself, you often fall back to the old patterns. And then again you may need to hear from the other party how you are doing and where you should focus your attention.
Also, ask your wife to see the good things you do, not only the bad things. Do the same with her.
Lastly, don't turn this into an obsessive search for perfection. Accept each other's minor defects with patience and humour. Perfectionists are usually bored in their hearts.