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Old 08-27-2008, 06:41 AM   #1
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my boyfriend subscribes to playboy

My boyfriend of 5 years subscribes to playboy,It really bothers me. He said they will be worth money one day. Why can't he stop them. It makes me feel insecure.

 
Old 08-27-2008, 06:57 AM   #2
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Re: my boyfriend subscribes to playboy

if he doesn't respect your feelings, get rid of him......this problem won't go away and you will constantly feel bad about it.

 
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Old 08-27-2008, 07:06 AM   #3
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Re: my boyfriend subscribes to playboy

Well, you can't stop him from being who he is. Even if you could guilt or con him into getting rid of them and stopping his subscription, you can't stop him from WANTING to collect them. He's not going to change who he is, so if you two are to stay together, it must be you who will have to change, but then again, why should you change who you are anymore than he should?

This is a fundamental difference in values and world view. Sit down and weigh the pros and cons. Figure out what exactly bothers you sooo much about it, and then look at all other aspects of your relationship, and how good it is, and how important this one issue is relative to everything else. Then decide whether this relationship is worth compromising on this issue or not, and then act accordingly. good luck.

 
Old 08-27-2008, 07:24 AM   #4
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Re: my boyfriend subscribes to playboy

That's the lamest excuse yet for buying porn "will be worth money one day"...how hilarious is that?!!!!!

Back in the day that would not have bothered me one little bit, I would have even gone to the store and purchased the magazines for my husband(1st)....but husband has changed and my views have changed! My husband(2nd) hurt me so very deeply with regards to a porn issue that now I absolutely hate porn and think it's the scourge to our society and the damnation of many otherwise good relationships! Blah blah blah...all that said, if you hate it that badly then I don't think the relationship can last. Some people couldn't care less and others think it's disgusting...it's just a very personal issue that none of us can tell you the answer to except for you and your feelings.

Last edited by BeaTrade; 08-27-2008 at 07:25 AM.

 
Old 08-27-2008, 07:47 AM   #5
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Re: my boyfriend subscribes to playboy

He is a biker, maybe it is just a biker thing.

 
Old 08-27-2008, 07:50 AM   #6
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Re: my boyfriend subscribes to playboy

so? are you making excuses for him?
are you just going to tolerate it knowing how much it bothers you?

 
Old 08-27-2008, 08:11 AM   #7
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Re: my boyfriend subscribes to playboy

Mine gets Playboy too and I'm one of the ones who doesn't mind at all and doesn't mind porn either. I even read the magazines.

But if it really bothers you a lot, and it's a deal-breaker, you probably should let him know this. Tell him it really bothers you and it's a deal-breaker and see how he responds. If he belittles your concerns then this says a lot about your relationship. And only you can decide how to proceed from there.

 
Old 08-27-2008, 08:20 AM   #8
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Re: my boyfriend subscribes to playboy

Porn DOES bother me also. I have had bad experiences in my past regarding porn and I don't think it's something that can really benefit relationships... no matter what (But that's just me.) On the other hand, I don't consider Playboy porn- their are more pages with articles then nude pictures. And the pictures aren't really that bad. I'd be more worried about some other hardcore porn mag than Playboy. You should start reading the magazines and see it's not that horrible to what you're making it out to be in your head. You might like the articles.

But his excuse that they might be worth money one day is LAME!

 
Old 08-27-2008, 09:06 AM   #9
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Re: my boyfriend subscribes to playboy

He's a guy, guys do that, whether the girls know or not (most of the time). But, if you don't like it, then that's something the two of you will have to work out together. I've always said I don't have a problem with porn, but I have encountered two things recently that bothered me a little, but not that much and I quickly got over it. I guess you could compare it to ripping off a band-aid.

Anyway, I've never known my boyfriend to watch/look at porn. I've never caught him or anything, but I've also told him that I don't mind porn. Well, I went on a trip for a little less than a week back in May. We had a really big TV downstairs in our finished basement that I almost never watch TV on. But after I got home from my trip I went down there to have some quiet and write a paper. I turned the TV on just to get some quiet background noise. Well, when I turned it on, it was on Playboy tv. I yelled up to my bf asking what it was, and he just casually (tried) to say "Oh, we got a free week of it...it's pretty boring..."...Right....

So, sure enough, I checked our cable bill the next month (which he usually pays and I never see) and there is a subscription to PlayboyTV. I called him right away and casually asked him "are you aware that we are STILL paying for Playboytv". I didn't even mention the fact that I knew all along we NEVER got it for a "free trial". I just mentioned that I don't want to pay $15/month for it. He said he would take care of it. But, we had already been subscribed since my trip in May. We never talked about it again and it hasn't been an issue. However, when I first found out he had subscribed to it while I was on my trip, it did hurt a little. But I got over it very quickly.

The second thing was when he brought porn into the bedroom, for us. I was fine with that, but the site he went to had a ton of different categories. A few of them were "live cams". I told him I don't have a problem with porn, but I DO have a problem with live cams. He says he doesn't go to them and they're boring and have to pay (which means he obviously had been there before to know that much!). So I just told him once again that I don't approve of those sites because they are "real" girls, live girls.

Anyway, it's really weird to me why porn doesn't bother me. I have my share of insecurities and I can be a jealous person sometimes. So, you would think porn would bother me more. But for whatever reason, it doesn't. But if the porn really bothers you that much, I think you need to sit down and tell him honestly why it does. I somewhat believe that no matter what, guys will look, they will just get better at hiding it. I almost prefer my boyfriend hides it. I know he does it, but I don't really want to know when and where he is doing it. I don't need the specifics. I don't think it will be a problem for me unless it starts taking place of me and affecting our relationship, which I don't see ever happening.

Guys have a vivid imagination, so if they want to think of other girls while they are with us, they can easily do so with or without porn.

 
Old 08-27-2008, 09:23 AM   #10
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Re: my boyfriend subscribes to playboy

I hardly call Playboy magazine porn. It's all just airbrushed and fake plastic women in that magazine. I'd hardly start being insecure about that, Gwen. What's there to be insecure about? Some cheesy fake broad with fake boobs who will never even come close to looking like a real woman? Come on, seriously. They're all airbrushed, do you think real women have no zits anywhere on their body? Yeah maybe if they're aliens...

I agree that your bf's excuse about the magazines being worth money someday was really lame. He should have just been honest with you about it. Guys are weird when it comes to Playboy. It seems like it's some kind of status thing. The subscription is kind of expensive, and guys seem to collect them for some reason. Even my dad used to have a subscription when my sis and I were younger. Until we found them and I guess my mom yelled at him to get rid of them because she was totally weirded out that we found them.

I guess in my mind, true porn like the crap you find on the internet is totally different than Playboy, which is so fake and so overdone for effect that it's hard to even take it seriously. I still think it's silly to get insecure over those women, but maybe that's just me. I'm not even a thin person either, I'm a bigger girl. But even I don't get insecure over those girls. Have you ever actually looked at those pictures? Have you seen how fake and plastic they look? I guess that's why it's so funny to me. And guys who actually drool over that kind of thing are so ridiculous to me because they're fantasizing over something that isn't real. If it really bugs you though, you should tell him again. And if he doesn't listen, then ask yourself whether you want to just ignore the Playboy magazines or if you want to keep this bf. It's not that hard of a decision, really, but you'll have to decide what's more important to you, I guess.

 
Old 08-27-2008, 09:35 AM   #11
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Re: my boyfriend subscribes to playboy

yeah, I'm no skinny minny, but Im not fat either. Infact everyone tells me I am beautiful. I just don't feel it, when I know he looks at those mags. They all do have perfect looking bodies. Wish we all had. He wants to marry me and I thought about telling him, I won't move in unless he cancels his subscription. Does that sound bad to do?

 
Old 08-27-2008, 09:37 AM   #12
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Re: my boyfriend subscribes to playboy

Quote:
Originally Posted by gwen1961 View Post
yeah, I'm no skinny minny, but Im not fat either. Infact everyone tells me I am beautiful. I just don't feel it, when I know he looks at those mags. They all do have perfect looking bodies. Wish we all had. He wants to marry me and I thought about telling him, I won't move in unless he cancels his subscription. Does that sound bad to do?
not at all.....do it
this is something that's important to you. Do it now while you have leverage.....if you wait till he's got you, forget it.....you don't stand a chance.

 
Old 08-27-2008, 10:37 AM   #13
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Re: my boyfriend subscribes to playboy

You have been with him for 5 years, right? I'm sure this is one of those things that just didn't pop up overnight and just became a huge issue. In other words, this has been him all along. This is who he is, plain and simple.

You have every right to be bothered by these magazines (and I will add that these are probably the most tasteful of the bunch believe it or not so it could be worse) just as he has every right to look at them. You won't be able to change him wanting to look at them just as he won't be able to change your disgust by them.

So what do you do? You decide whether or not you can accept him just as he is, magazines and all. Is that possible? If not then you have to decided if he is really the guy for you. You could try the whole "I won't marry you unless you cancel your subscription" route, but most of the time ultimatums like that just don't work. They either hide what they are doing or they resent you for it and it causes problems down the road.

I know you are thinking "but I don't want to break up with him over magazines". But what choice do you have? He is who he is and that is not going to change. Afterall, it hasn't in 5 years, right? There are plenty of men out there who don't like those magazines or any sort of porn in general. Instead of trying to change him into that type of guy you would be better off finding a guy who already fits that mold with no prompting from you.

 
Old 08-27-2008, 10:49 AM   #14
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Re: my boyfriend subscribes to playboy

There are some really good points, Gwen. I didn't think about mentioning the woman being attractive, yet fake. Hey if we all dyed our hair platinum blonde, wore a pound of makeup, got some spray tans, put on some high stilettos and had our picture airbrushed/majorly photoshopped then we'd all look like that too. But that's not realistic is it?

It still bothers us that even though US women know these facts, men don't look at it that way, and that's what bothers us- like we know the truth and they don't.

But in the end, who cares? None of those woman are perfect, no ones perfect.. because even if we were to look like them there is always going to be someone more prettier and smarter than us out there.. theres always going to be competition everywhere...

 
Old 08-27-2008, 02:15 PM   #15
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Re: my boyfriend subscribes to playboy

Gwen, hello.....I would not want porn either and if you feel playboy mags are porn, then they are porn, it is not what someone else says it is or is not. I believe the women in those mags are real, done over and airbrushed, but very real. They are real women, they have disrespected themselves and our population, mostly the male population.

The thing is, you want to be the one he wants, the one he looks at and says wow! You are so beautiful I can't keep my eyes off of you, you want him to love and respect you inside and out. No exceptions.

I told my husband he can take all the pictures and videos of me he wants to and look at them all he wants to. We can write our own adventures and give them to each other. Writing sexually explicite letters to each other is very arousing and may fulfill his need. Men have a real need here, we can get creative in how to meet that need and take back what the porn industry has stolen away from many, not all. It is truly a battle.

Your home is your space and it says a lot about you. I don't want porn invading any of my space, I want to be a part of my space and I don't need some made-up floosy arousing my man and stimulating him sexually to perform. Porn is extremely stimulating and you can have very quick orgasms by looking at it, all be it - unsatisfying. Men do not realize that it is ultimately unsatisfying and they have to battle a lot to justify their own behavior in their minds and having sex with real women, probably just makes them feel better. I am not a man, so what do I know.....if anything.

I say care about yourself and your feelings especially when no one else is. It is your life and you never have to settle. Never. I hope that if you are in love with him you will talk with him and work things out, but don't kid yourself, if you don't do something proactive to help your man out visually, he will eventually want/need something. Men like to watch, let him watch you. I hope you are okay with what I have said, please take care and have a good day. My thoughts are with you.....G

 
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