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hmmm...relationship with therapist (not that kind!) confused, help!

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Old 08-29-2008, 12:22 AM   #1
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mochi* HB Usermochi* HB User
hmmm...relationship with therapist (not that kind!) confused, help!

This is a weird posting and quite frankly, I had no idea where to post it on this website, it's an issue that is causing me a lot of anxiety, though it is not exactly an anxiety-related issue, it's more of a "relationship" issue, I guess. Not in the traditional sense, but in the sense that it involves my interactions/friendship/aquaintencship with several people, one of whom is my therapist and now I feel CRAZY stressed and confused about it.

OK, let me explain:

I suffer from OCD/anxiety and depression, I have had suffered some trauma in the past 4 years, and just recently have sought help for these things, and after some shopping around, and mostly negative experiences, I FINALLY found a therapist that I LOVE!! They are really helpful, and insightful and therapy has become something that I feel is really constructive, that I look forward to, instead of dread, as I used to....

So, I have been going to this therapist for about 3 months, and I just upped my sessions to twice a week because I want to take this seriously and really dig deeper into my issues, anyways, I had been feeling REALLY positive about it (therapy and my therapist) and feeling like it was the only truly productive thing I had been doing in a long time (because I am too anixous or whatever to get things done , hence being in therapy...

Anyways, very oddly, I was having a get-to-know you dinner with my neighbors (who live in my building, right downstairs from me, in fact) this week, and we were talking about jobs, etc. **I should note that I really like my neighbors, and am becoming more and friendly with them as of late, they are great people. But as we were talking, one of them was sharing their work expereinces, and one of them mentioned having worked for the place that I GO FOR THERAPY (SO WEIRD!!) it;s a non-profit that helps low-income people get access to therapy. I think very highly of it, because it has been helping me so much, but just when I thought I was getting somewhere, I was told how she had worked for this place and that it was HORRIBLE (she had NO IDEA that I go there!) and said some really questionable things about the place, like the E.D. had been embezzeling money from the non-profit and she had figured that out, and went to the Board about it, and they fired her!!

So, to make it worse, it turns out that after she was fiered she was hired by someone else in the SAME BUILDING!! And so now she works in the same SMALL builiding as my therapist does, and so not only am I concerned about the integrity of this place now, but also I am afraid of bumping into my downstairs neighbor/recent friend (I've been housesitting for them lately) and having to explain why I am there, and having it feel negative... and then seeing her at HOME!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!
And I really like these people!! But I LOVE my therapist, I am just so afraid that now I am going to associate going to therapy with stress, skeptisicm and mistrust instead of the positive attitude I felt before.

I am so confused and sooooo sad over this:
What am I supposed to do? Talk to my neighbors and reveal my secret, risk finding out more about how corrupt the place is? How do I feel confident in my therapist again?
How do I feel good about this again? Can I? Do I have to stop going?
Why did this happen to me, I feel like I am cursed, I live in a big city, not a small town, what are the odds of this happening??!@!!! i really need advice, I know it's a really weird thing to post, but I don;t know what else to call it, it;s a realtionship that is important to me, even if it is not a personal one....

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Old 08-29-2008, 12:40 AM   #2
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Re: hmmm...relationship with therapist (not that kind!) confused, help!

Hi mochi,
I think you just have to take it as you find it.

By this I mean that what matters is what you think of the therapy service, not what others think or tell you.

Another thing is that all therapists may talk about cases with one another, to get a different perspective etc, but they will not disclose your identity, as part of their preofessional creed or conduct, stiputates confidentiality.If you find these therapists to be great, and you have stated you just LOVE THEM, then go with this.

Also, all organisations go through up times and down times. If someone is embezzeling money, then now it's out in the open, they can get it sorted out, and then get on with the business of helping people with their pshychological troubles.

I have to admit that it is quite ironic that you live in a big city andy all these people you know are at arm length from each other. Make up your own mind what you believe , do not let others decide for you.
Take care now, waratah

Old 08-29-2008, 01:27 AM   #3
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Re: hmmm...relationship with therapist (not that kind!) confused, help!

Uch, thanks, i am totally obsessing and feel SOOOOOO confused and at a loss as with what to do, I actaully have therapy tomorrow and I just found about all this last night, I have decided that it will probably be obvious that I feel anxious and uncomfortable tomorrow, and that I will probabaly tell him what I am feeling/what happened...
But he most likely KNOWS my neighbor, and probably does not like her, i don;t know..I'm imagining it was quite the scandal when she was fired, but I think she seems like a good, decent person (then again, so do the folks at this ORG.)
So, if I tell him what happened and why I feel so worked up, and that she works in the building still, he;s going to know who it is, and will of course speak to his colleages about it (he is an intern, so he has supervision...) and to top it off the E.D. was NOT FIRED or held accountable, so I don;t know if my therapist knows about it, or what, adn I feel really uncomofrtable telling him, and if they talk about me, they will know i am her neighbor, and can put together which patient I am becuase they must know her address, and they certainly know mine!!!

Ach! It seems so weird, and this is not what I should have to be talking about in therapy, I want to focus on my personal concerns in my life, not this weird therapist-patient-organization-neighbor traingle.

I feel like no matter what a good thing may have been sabatoged for me, becuase I can;t hold it back from him, but if I tell him, will it be too weird, and he will feel uncomfortable treating me, and I will feel uncomfortable with him knowing I am friends (sort of) with this person they fired, who knows their dirty secrets?

I am so confused!!

Old 08-29-2008, 02:04 AM   #4
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waratah HB User
Re: hmmm...relationship with therapist (not that kind!) confused, help!


Just get it all out in the open, those secrets are between those other people, do not be drawn into their little intrigues. It's their business, not yours.

Use the therapy for your gain, and try to ignore all the other BS that's happening around you at the moment.

If the situation does become intollerable, you may have to find another therpy organistion. How do you see this?
Regards, waratah

Old 08-29-2008, 05:17 AM   #5
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Re: hmmm...relationship with therapist (not that kind!) confused, help!

First of all, therapy is a wonderful thing that helps many people. It took you a long time to find a place that you are comfortable with and love. Do not let this "opinion" of your friend/neighbor affect the way you feel. Remember, she may not know the whole story of what happened there. There are always 3 sides to every story and just because she had a bad work experience with that office does not mean that they are not good therapists.

As far as your therapy goes, you shouldn't have to disclose to anyone why you are there unless you want to. Therapy is personal and should be kept so if it makes you feel better. If by chance you do run into this friend/neighbor you can always say that you are working out a few things and you find that particular therapist helpful and leave it at that. A real friend will be supportive and non-judgemental about it.

If you want to tell of your interaction with your neighbor you don't have to get into specifics (names and such) with your therapist. Hopefully he will be able to reassure you with what you are doing. But please keep an open mind and remember that not all "stories" are true. There may be some truth to what your friend/neighbor said, but I'm sure there is more to it.

Old 08-29-2008, 06:27 AM   #6
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Re: hmmm...relationship with therapist (not that kind!) confused, help!

Happymom has provided you with a great, insightful answer. Actually, I was going to post something along the same lines, but she came ahead of me.

Indeed you have to separate:

a) Your therapist (or rather your therapy, that is working for you) from the organization where it takes place. A whole consists of many small pieces, and not all those pieces, when taken separatedly, will be representative of the whole.

b) Your neighbour's experience from your own experience. She may be telling the truth, but I agree with Happymom again: there is probably more to it. If she was fired unfairly, why did she leave things like that? What does she mean when she says "I figured it out"? Does she have any material evidence for the embezzlement, or was just a hunch, an intuition?

We have a saying here: "He who talks as he pleases is apt to hear things that will not please him." I think this could apply to your neighbour. You could have verbally opposed her case with your actual experience with the therapist, and she would have to swallow it. But I know that would be rather embarrassing for both of you. You had to go on listening.

The problem for you, as I see it, is what to do if the issue is brought up again or if she bumps into you somewhere in that building. I'd tell the truth in both events, in the appropriate time and place. Like Happymom said, you don't have to go in detail and you don't have to apologize. If asked, why didn't you tell me/us before?, say you didn't know how to. Period. If they are real, supportive friends, this will be the end of it.

You may also want to share this with your therapist, but maybe you could control yourself for the moment and decide to bring it up later. You may realize then that you don't even have to talk about it any more, because simply the issue has diminished to its real size and importance.

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