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Old 08-29-2008, 09:24 AM   #1
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Dang12 HB User
Question Its over and I dont know why its bothering me

I am in college and I had met this girl in may. Things were going well and we became close and fooled around a little. I became very attached to her since I had not had a gf or hung out with a girl in a long time. Things were going pretty well, I last saw her about a week and a half ago, I went over to her place for a few hours. We had never talked about starting a relationship or anything but I thought it could lead to one in the near future.

Since then, the fall semester had started and I had a few classes with her. She has many guy friends, none of them were more then friends, just friends. I was the only one that she kissed etc or anything above just friends. Anyways so in all the classes we have together, theres always another guy she knows in the class that sits with us and walks out of class with us etc. To make a long story short I have never been alone with her this entire school week, and considering we have probably 6-8 lectures each week, I found that very disappointing.

I know I shouldnt expect the same kind of attention as I did in the summer when we worked together for the school just the two of us, but I was hoping to see her alone at school some of the time this semester. I was planning on talking to her about starting a relationship and getting more serious but I think its just over at this point. I think she just has way too many guy friends that she has known alot longer then me and I was more or less a summer fling. I was going to text her at some point but I feel that she is giving my the brush off. I had texted her a few times since we last hung out and she said she couldnt do anything, basically this all started once the fall semester began.

At this point, I just dont know if shes just a really busy girl, shes has a very difficult class schedule and works full time. She has many guy friends, most of which she has known for years and are very close to. As I said, there are guys in every other class we have, so I can never talk to her about us or anything like that becuase other guys are always with us. I was hoping to talk to her during a short break we have between two of our classes but one of the classes is just the professor reading off powerpoints so she said she wasnt going to that today so I assume that she wont most of the time, thus I cant count on seeing her pretty much at school.

I basically wanted to talk to her alone about us because I feel she is giving me mixed messages. I understand she has alot of stuff on her plate but I guess her older friends are taking priority at this point. I can understand that, they have known each other far longer then she has known me but it still is hurtful nonetheless. I dont quite understand why Im so depressed about this. I think it might be due to the fact that I had not hung out with a girl in a very long time and I guess I missed that. Also, I have thought about everything I had done with her etc and I cant think of anything I did wrong to warrant her giving me the brush off.

Sorry for my rant but I havent been this depressed in a very long time.

Any advice?

Thanks

Last edited by Dang12; 08-29-2008 at 09:28 AM.

 
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Old 08-29-2008, 09:36 AM   #2
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Re: Its over and I dont know why its bothering me

Hi - when you say "I had texted her a few times since we last hung out and she said she couldnt do anything," - what do you or she meean by couldnt do anything?

Have you spoke to her on the phone? If you can I would advise you certainly do that. I have been in this situation and it doesnt seem fair on you. Do you find yourself texting her always first rather than the other way round.

 
Old 08-29-2008, 09:59 AM   #3
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Re: Its over and I dont know why its bothering me

Well she said we couldnt do anything that day not like that she couldnt do anything ever again.

Lately I have been texting her, but she always responds very quickly. She prefers texting, I have talked to alot of her guy friends and they said that she doesnt like to talk on the phone.

Thats the main issue, I would like to talk to her in person but the fact that she also doesnt like talking on the phone is the other obstacle.

I thought about going into her work but I obviously couldnt talk to her about anything specific and it would be obvious I was there just to see her. I was hoping to see her over the three day weekend but I dont think that will work because she has been very cold to me this week. Its quite amazing the change in her behavior towards me since school started. I guess its just unfortunate that this was the week I was going to talk to her about being more serious.

Not only that she just has alot of other friends that are in class with her and I guess to a certain extent I shouldnt expect as much attention as I had gotten over the summer. To make matters worse, I ride my bike to school since I live close and she and all her other friends carpool so I can assume they went out to lunch etc afterwards. What really upsets me is that she asked her guy friend if he wanted to go to lunch in class today, and while I know they are only friends, thats what she would do with me over the summer. I guess I just wish she had asked me out to lunch. However, I dont think she meant for me to here it, I was not very close to them when she asked him. I also believe they drove in together to class so its not something I shouldnt expect couldnt happen.

I want to make it clear though that shes not being extremely cold towards me, but shes definetly not as perky or seems as happy to see/talk to me. So its not like she made any comments to me or told me straight up that she doesnt want to hang out anymore. While I can understand that theres other guys with us that she wouldnt be as talkative to me, but it still is not something I like.

Last edited by Dang12; 08-29-2008 at 10:36 AM.

 
Old 08-29-2008, 10:36 AM   #4
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Re: Its over and I dont know why its bothering me

As much as you wont want to think abotu it - but are you sure that her and this friend aren't more than just friends?

From what you said I think she is loving the attention of having guy mates around her and not being short of company. During school, she probably was glad you were there and relied on you for the attention.

When I was in this position, I turned the tables a little and had her chase me. I did this by always make out it was something exciting I had. At this stage she is probably knowing that you like her and enjoys the attention you give her by texting. You don't want it to get to the stage of you becoming tiredsome always chasing her. You need to create a bit of excitement and have her yearning you.

A simple text like "You won't believe what just happened" or "I'm up to something really cool this weekend" - that will get her interested and have her asking you the questions and chasing. When she asks you "what?" say something like "Its hard to explain on text - are you free on .....". When I did this it really worked for me.

Once you have her on her own dont bring up the serious question first but wait until you have her laughing or whatever before you ask her.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-26-2011 at 11:24 AM. Reason: more info

 
Old 08-29-2008, 10:58 AM   #5
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Re: Its over and I dont know why its bothering me

Well, if she is more of a "texter" than do this (only if you want to, of course). Text her with a specific thing in mind such as "do you want to go for coffee on Friday" or something to that affect. Try to make a specific "date" with her. Then, if she accepts, you can see her and attempt to talk about things and what you want in person.

If she doesn't accept or is too busy and doesn't bother to try to make the plans for another day instead then do as the other poster said and let her chase you. If you mean anything to her she will contact you wondering what happened. Does that make sense?

It does seem you were kind of left hanging. Also, you can't be 100% sure that her other guy friends are not the same kind of friend you were/are, if you know what I mean. I would try once to get an answer face to face and then if nothing comes of it let it go.

Anyway, that's just my thoughts on the subject.

 
Old 08-29-2008, 11:16 AM   #6
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Re: Its over and I dont know why its bothering me

Well I dont know for sure if they are more then friends. I assumed they are not but I guess its possible. I mean she has one of her guy friends (he has his own gf) sleep over her house on her couch a few days a week, so she just has very close guy friends. But anything is possible. And no offense to this guy, but I pretty much couldnt see her picking him over me. She does also ride with her other guy friends to other classes so obviously she couldnt be fooling around all of these guys.

To make a long story short, most of her friends left the area and were not in school over the summer when we were. I guess she might feel less desire to hang out with me since her long time friends are back in town. And I also think she might feel that I dont belong in her inner circle and doesnt want me to get to know them well. I guess she uses her apartment as a place where the guys hang out during the week, all of whom I havent met before.

However, I do really like one of the other guys in a different class we are taking. I thought I could ask them after class on wednesday if they wanted to do something. I know for a fact that this guy and her are only friends. While I would rather be alone with her, I guess its better then nothing.

I will probably text her sometime on sunday because she works all day friday and saturday. However, its a three day weekend so I dont know if she has anything special planned. Im just not sure if its a good idea because I dont know if she truly wants to stop doing stuff with me. I would feel stupid to text her after what has happend this week when see wants to end things. Should I text her? I will see her wednesday of next week in class as I said.

Im not going to lie, I feel like I was being used as some summer company and she had no intention of pursuing things with me

Last edited by Dang12; 08-29-2008 at 11:26 AM.

 
Old 08-29-2008, 12:38 PM   #7
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Re: Its over and I dont know why its bothering me

Quote:
Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
Well, if she is more of a "texter" than do this (only if you want to, of course). Text her with a specific thing in mind such as "do you want to go for coffee on Friday" or something to that affect. Try to make a specific "date" with her. Then, if she accepts, you can see her and attempt to talk about things and what you want in person.

If she doesn't accept or is too busy and doesn't bother to try to make the plans for another day instead then do as the other poster said and let her chase you. If you mean anything to her she will contact you wondering what happened. Does that make sense?

It does seem you were kind of left hanging. Also, you can't be 100% sure that her other guy friends are not the same kind of friend you were/are, if you know what I mean. I would try once to get an answer face to face and then if nothing comes of it let it go.

Anyway, that's just my thoughts on the subject.
That makes sense but I guess I just feel its the end for us. She had told me last time we hung out about 10 days or so ago that she would be really busy with school and probably couldnt do much with me. While I knew she would be less available, I didnt take that as meaning that we would never do anything again. Also, all this week she has been hanging out with her friends at her place, so I know its not like shes not doing anything with anyone.

I guess all hope isnt lost here but this has been a really bad week for me personally. Again, she was not mean or rude to me in any way but it just seemed very different from the past. I thought I could try to run into her on campus at another one of her classes, she gets out of a class in the same room in which I have class after her.

Last edited by Dang12; 08-29-2008 at 12:43 PM.

 
Old 08-29-2008, 01:36 PM   #8
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Re: Its over and I dont know why its bothering me

Quote:
Originally Posted by insideman View Post
As much as you wont want to think abotu it - but are you sure that her and this friend aren't more than just friends?

From what you said I think she is loving the attention of having guy mates around her and not being short of company. During school, she probably was glad you were there and relied on you for the attention.

When I was in this position, I turned the tables a little and had her chase me. I did this by always make out it was something exciting I had. At this stage she is probably knowing that you like her and enjoys the attention you give her by texting. You don't want it to get to the stage of you becoming tiredsome always chasing her. You need to create a bit of excitement and have her yearning you.

A simple text like "You won't believe what just happened" or "I'm up to something really cool this weekend" - that will get her interested and have her asking you the questions and chasing. When she asks you "what?" say something like "Its hard to explain on text - are you free on ....." . When I did this it really worked for me.

Once you have her on her own dont bring up the serious question first but wait until you have her laughing or whatever before you ask her.
I could try doing something like that but I think she would see right through that. Also, what would I say happened if she did accept?

Thanks

Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-26-2011 at 11:25 AM.

 
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