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Old 08-29-2008, 10:10 PM   #1
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Question trust issues in a six month old relationship

okay guys and gals i met this guy back in march and he is a very good looking young italian guy.. he was head over heels for me and within three months i told him i loved him. everything was fine until the fourth month we started butting heads on things. we would argue and yell and this went on for about a month.. until one day he told me that he wanted to take a break because he wasnt sure if he wanted to stay with me. i gave him a week and he called me back telling me that he made a mistake and wanted to stay with me. so we were in love w each other until one day i got a voicemail with him talking dirty to one of his so called "friends". his phone called mine accidentaly and he didnt know that i heard his conversation. i confronted him and he told me that nothing happened cause the girl is just a friend from school and thats the way they play around with each other.. nonetheless i didnt like it... well i started getting worried that he was lying about things and started looking at his phone in the middle of the night... he was still keeping contact with his ex girl for "business matters" and talking to three other girls that he claims are just "friends" i told him that i was getting jealous of his "friends"and i wanted him to stop contacting them. he stopped talking to his ex but continued w the other friends. i got over it, sort of and tried to believe in what he told me... that im the one for him, he loves only me, he never cheated etc.. well things were going well until one night recently he was on the computer looking at couples on craigslist ( i was in the room looking too) and i asked him if he had deleted a response to an ad that he and i had posted looking for a third partner a long time ago... he said he did and i asked him to check his email so i could see. reluctantly he showed me his email and i saw about 10 correspondences for craigslist ads (he was contacting them they were contacting him) he described himself in detail and offered to meet them for a drink so they could talk about hooking up.. i was furious! the last email was on 7/21. i asked him why he was on craigslist looking for other girls and he told me that its just him playing around seeing if he could still get with another girl.. but he never cheated on me.. right now i told him that i needed to take a break from him cause i cant trust him. i do honestly believe that he never cheated on me cause he is a good guy, but hes just a little nasty and he gets embaressed from time to time so he couldnt be honest with me. what should i do? should i try and trust him or open my eyes and take this for what it is.. help me i need to hear from u guys..

 
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Old 08-30-2008, 02:00 AM   #2
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Re: trust issues in a six month old relationship

Why would you want a third party in a six-month-old relationship? Ok, I think I know: you wanted to spice it up, but already? After only six months? You changed your ideas about this third partner (another girl, I presume), but anyway the original plan could be a sign that this was (is?) an immature or just-for-fun relationship. Now, what do you really want out of this relationship? Your answer to this question will be the guideline.

 
Old 08-30-2008, 03:46 AM   #3
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Re: trust issues in a six month old relationship

Why would you try to force yourself to trust someone who is so clearly untrustworthy? You're expecting a guy who is out looking to be the third with a couple to be upstanding, honest and faithful?

It's a fundamental difference in your lifestyles and values and how you both see relationships. 6 months is way too soon for this guy to be making you feel insecure and untrusting. He should still be showering you with attention and all the lovey dovey stuff that happens in new relationships instead of still seeing what else he can get. Do you really want to go your whole life checking his phone, spying on his emails, etc.?

 
Old 08-30-2008, 04:54 AM   #4
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Re: trust issues in a six month old relationship

This guy's soooo lying to you it's not even funny!

 
Old 08-30-2008, 05:20 AM   #5
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Re: trust issues in a six month old relationship

This is a 6 month relationship and he's already broken all trust. Do not force yourself to trust a man that is untrustworthy! Whether or not he actually cheated yet is beside the point. He is disrespecting YOU and YOUR RELATIONSHIP by doing what he is doing. His actions will lead to him cheating one day.

If you turn a blind eye to this and listen to his "excuse" you are giving him the green light to treat you like crap. Don't you think you deserve better? This is who he is. He is shouting it from the rooftops loud and clear for all to hear. You have to decide if this guy, the one who is talking dirty to friends and advertising himself online to others, is the guy you want to be with. He's not going to change so you should just put that idea out of your head right now. If this is not the kind of relationship you want then you need to end it.

Just out of curiousity, have you ever met these "friends" of his or does he keep them separate from you?

 
Old 08-30-2008, 07:56 AM   #6
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Re: trust issues in a six month old relationship

I think that MouseonMars said it best in the "third time's a charm" thread...
Quote:
You are a good "placeholder" until something better comes along

 
Old 08-30-2008, 09:00 AM   #7
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Re: trust issues in a six month old relationship

Torre, whenever you catch a boyfriend on any type of personal site, and his excuse is "I was just playing around to see if he could still get with another girl", you can't possibly believe him. That is the lamest, most made-up thing I've ever heard in my life. I've personally heard that excuse from an ex bf who said the same thing to me about the reason why he was on personals sites, and I didn't believe it then - and I don't believe it now. Thing is, my very first reaction to him saying that to me was - bs!! And that's why I can't believe that you would buy it.

Listen, you're being played. He is totally lying to you. He got busted cause you saw it and he is making up the lamest excuse in the history of the world. You need to first tell him off and tear him a new one. Then you need to kick him to the curb. To do anything less is to basically tell him it's just fine for him to go behind your back and cheat.

 
Old 08-30-2008, 10:09 AM   #8
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Re: trust issues in a six month old relationship

Oooh, not a good sign this early into the relationship. Personally, I would not waste anymore time with this one. If he really loved you, he would not be doing those things. Don't settle for less.

 
Old 08-30-2008, 11:15 AM   #9
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Re: trust issues in a six month old relationship

Hello Torrez33, I agree with everyone else here, so I wont add anything to that. I just have one thing: a long time ago you all placed an add together for a third party.....hmmmmm.....were you all swinging when you first met? Now do you want more? Your relationship is not that old, just exactly how soon into your relationship did you all place the add? These questions are just for you, not me. I hope you do not stay in this relationship, it will only get worse. You sound like a nice person and I hope you have a good day....G

Last edited by gwoman; 08-30-2008 at 11:16 AM. Reason: sp

 
Old 08-30-2008, 06:55 PM   #10
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Re: trust issues in a six month old relationship

thanks for reading the post.. i have been mulling over what i have read and what i feel in my heart and being honest with myself.. i believe that he never cheated and that he does love me.. i know that u thnk im stupid or naive for saying this but i think that we will be ok if i give it one more try..he knows exactly how i feel and he knows that if he lies i will leave. since this problem he has given me his emaiil acct and passwords along with changing his phone number. thank u for the advice. sincerely christina

 
Old 08-30-2008, 07:02 PM   #11
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Re: trust issues in a six month old relationship

pendulum i want to be with this guy for life.. we are satisfied in bed. already we are adventurous but a third party was something that we both wanted. when it came down to it the other girl was very very pretty and i was worried that he would like her more than me, so i said no deal. from a guys perspective should i give him another chance?

 
Old 08-31-2008, 02:05 AM   #12
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Re: trust issues in a six month old relationship

Quote:
Originally Posted by torrez33 View Post
pendulum i want to be with this guy for life.. we are satisfied in bed. already we are adventurous but a third party was something that we both wanted. when it came down to it the other girl was very very pretty and i was worried that he would like her more than me, so i said no deal. from a guys perspective should i give him another chance?
Thanks for clarifying this point, although I don't think that satisfaction in bed is everything a couple needs. I know that you are not reducing your relationship to that, but let me tell you my opinion just for in case...

Should you give him another chance? That is a tricky question, because trust is a very serious thing. However, I believe (that's me) that people sometimes can change and mend their ways. In theory, everyone should be given another chance. Traditionally, the third chance is the last one, but what do I know?

Actually, only you can decide if you should or not run the risk of giving him another chance. However, three points might help you make up your mind:

1. Did he ask for it? If yes, he wins one point.
2. Are you sure you won't be obsessed with everything he does? Keeping track of him 24 hours a day? If yes (that is, if you are sure you won't be so), he wins another point.
3. Have you already a criterion for defining that he made another mistake, his fatal mistake? How serious must a mistake be for you to break up the relationship for good? Are you going to be tolerant? Or tust issues don't permit any tolerance at all? If you have these questions clear in your mind, he may win a third point.

Of course I am not taking into consideration the love you say you feel for this guy. Love is a propeller, as long as it doesn't make you blind.

Good luck.

Last edited by pendulum; 08-31-2008 at 02:06 AM.

 
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