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Old 08-30-2008, 06:53 PM   #1
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Major Ongoing Issues With Father

hey hb.. i am a 24 female from ny usa.. Let me try to get down straight to the point of my issue tonight. if anyone wants to know furthur past detail ask away.. The problem: fathers computer broke, in good deeds i lent him mine.. okay i only gave him my computer log in system password right when you turn on the computer.. Okay all day today i couldn't get onto aol. Found out my father reset all the passwords and read all my aol emails and permenately deleted them.. i had major private and personal emails that i had read and clicked keep as new unto my aol account.. My boyfriend helped me reset a new password and i found out all my emails are gone and i checked in my inbox totally everything gone.. I screamed at my father and he told me i thought i knew my daughter but i guess not.. how can someone take your nice ness for granted and knowlingy violate your privacy.. i never gave my father my aol password.. He most of found out from my sister.. i am so upset. i can not retrieve any of my emails again.. this was extremely important email about my life and lawsuit i have and my cousin being gay and having hiv.. my father found out all of this and i am very angry. i dont know what to do.. please help me..

 
Old 08-30-2008, 07:09 PM   #2
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Re: Major Ongoing Issues With Father

Can you please give us some background about your relationship with your father. He has completely invaded your privacy. It sound as if you have some major boundary issues in your family. Why did your sister know your aol password? Why would she give it to your father? Why would your father read your personal emails? Intrusive is a mild word for what he did. There is no excuse for it. Have you confronted him and what is his reason for doing it. He has completely abused your trust. You did him a favor by lending him your computer and he completely violated your privacy.
I don't even know what to say to make you feel better. The fact that he invaded your privacy is bad enough, but he also deleted emails that you now can't get back.
By the way, are you positive that you can't get all that back? I've heard that there are ways to get back information that you've deleted.
Sorry that you are dealing with all this. You must feel so betrayed.

 
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Old 08-30-2008, 07:20 PM   #3
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Re: Major Ongoing Issues With Father

my father has abused me my entire life in all types of ways.. i grew up with no mother eaither.. my dad never worked a day in his life and all he does is sue people by hiring free lawyers from the government. my 14 year old sister was using my computer sometimes and she knew my password because i had told her.. I doubt she will tell my father because my father just placed her into a mental hospital. from what i was told you can get someone's aol password by answering secret questions if you dont know your password then reseting your entire aol account.. my father read all 95 emails from lawyers and cuzins who were gay and developed hiv that they only told me personally.. i just called aol and they told me once its permenantely deleted you cant get them back.. i am so upset.. i even had jobs emailing me and ads i had posted on craigslist.. this is awful.. i be nice and lend my laptop to him and he goes beyond that and snoops my mail and deletes it.. i am beyond upset.. My father and i had an awful life together.. he always degraded me and talked down on me for 24 years.. now as an adult i have zero friends because i am always negative to people just like how my father was to me.. he brainwashed me head..

 
Old 08-30-2008, 07:57 PM   #4
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Re: Major Ongoing Issues With Father

Italia, I am much older than you and I am going to talk to as if I was an older friend or relative. Your father has put you down your whole life. You are 24, your life is in front of you, but it won't always be. You are young now and can make decisions that are important for your future. Your father doesn't sound like a good influence on you. Even if you don't want to get rid of him from your life, limit the contact as much as possible. He doesn't contribute anything positive to your life as far as I understand. How close do you live to him? Try to see him as rarely as possible. He doesn't raise your self esteem, he does the opposite. You have put up with it for 24 years and it is enough time. Try to get positive people into your life, people who respect you and can uplift you. Some people are toxic and I don't care if they happen to be a parent, sibling, spouse or somebody else. Get rid of toxic people.
Why is your sister in a mental institution? She is only 14.
By not working and leading the life he is leading, your father has set a bad example for you, his children. Try hard to get away and not buy into that kind of mentality.
I guess you will have to grieve over those lost emails since there is no way to get them back. At least you learned a valuable lesson from this. It is probably painful to accept it, but your father is a bad influence in your life. Don't feel sorry for him now because he has chosen to live his life in a certain way, but you can make different choices.

 
Old 08-30-2008, 08:05 PM   #5
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Cool Re: Major Ongoing Issues With Father

well nelli, my entire family deals with bipolar disorder to set the record straight.. I have been jumping from my dad's house to my bf's mothers apartment for the past 6 years now.. Nothing has gotten better and i also havent worked in 5 years.. i receive social security disability due to my bipolar, but i no longer take any medications for it.. is just not right you lend your own father your laptop and he snoops through all your files and emails.. my fatehr has always been a snoop/ My father even snooped through my bedroom the past 24 years.. he is very nosy in my business.. i rarely stay home with him. only like twice a week thats it.. dealing with my father my entire life i feel like i turned into him.. my anger gets very bad and i get very negative to people constantly.. this is how my father raised me.. i wonder if i can heal.. through god i can.. i have faith in god..

 
Old 08-31-2008, 09:26 AM   #6
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Re: Major Ongoing Issues With Father

What your father did was really unpardonable. He had not the right to do it, unless perhaps you were a minor. But even if you were a minor, deleting your e-mails would be too invasive.

Fortunately, he can't do anything with those e-mails, because I presume he has no material evidence for them. He only read them. I am by no means trying to justify your father, but apart from your cousin's condition, did you really have things in those e-mails that you absolutely had to hide? Maybe the greater loss was one of trust, not really of material, if you see what I mean. Anyway... that was bad enough.

If you know the people who sent you those e-mails, you can ask them to send the lost e-mails to you again. In most cases people keep copies of sent e-mails. You don't have to tell them the whole story.

If you have already told your father how bad you felt about what he did, stop fighting with him (adding fuel to the fire), minimize your contact, and move on.

Last edited by pendulum; 08-31-2008 at 11:26 AM.

 
Old 08-31-2008, 03:52 PM   #7
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Re: Major Ongoing Issues With Father

pen-i totally agree.. today i moved all my stuff and electronics out of my dad's house.. i was very depressed doing it because my 75 year old grandfather lives there and he has helped me so much in my life.. i didnt even get to say goodbye to him because he had gone to a family reunion with my father.. i am 24 years old pen... I think the whole loosen trust for my father was the issue that set me off.. i finally had enough over the years of his snooping through my postal mail and snooping my bedroom for anything.. my father is very invasive and nosey.. I am an adult and he has no right to check my aol emails then delete them.. A lot of the emails were jobs and the email about my cousin i couldnt care, but my cousin told me not to tell anybody he had hiv. I didnt tell anybody. my father read the email my cousin sent me.. Well i am moved out now and stayen with my bfs mother for the mean time.. I got to keep looking for a job. I am on social security, so at least im getting something.. i am just very upset regarding my dads actions.. My dad's excuse was well he wanted to delete his 14year old bipolar daughters aol account which was under my account.. I told him thats irrelevant to reading my emails and invading my privacy.. its one thing to delete your 14yr old daughters account, but then snoop through my private account is another story.. Oh this 14 year old is my sister for the record.. i am 24 a legal adult.. thanks for all the advice..

 
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