Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Columbia, Mo, USA
| | Looking for Opinions about my Bipolar Girlfriend who was committed four weeks ago.
This is my first post, but I'm using this board as more of a venting, and hopefully, someone will help me out. Although, I'm pretty sure that I already know everything that needs to be done. I just need other opinions.
My GF which I love very much, and care for very deeply started to change a few weeks ago. I knew she was bipolar, but I didn't really understand what that meant. You know, Going through the "spells." I got to see this first hand. She put to much pressure on herself from work. I had just lost my job, so she was holding the financial burden for two months, and we aren't rich. Far from it. But, she says this wasn't the reason for this happening. THings just started to change in her head, and she just changed. This was very weird to me, but her mother had her committed while she was going through a "spell" at her mom's house, and the sheriff came to take her away. She wouldn't go voluntarily, so her mom forced her by calling the sheriff.
This whole time I am completely getting "crapped" on with everything that comes out of her mouth. I was told that I cannot listen to what she's saying, but you can't help to. She's not knowing what she's saying, so you have to have tough skin. But, this is almost impossible. I have a problem, because everyone who knows me says I have to big of a heart. Which is odd for a guy, but there are some of us that just do have big hearts, and I was taking everything to heart.
Cut to where we're at last week. She's in the hospital, and I called her, and she seemed better, but in her religious phase as her mom calls it. She "finds god" while in the hospital. She told me on the phone that we're not married, and we've been living together in sin for the last three years. She broke a promise to herself the last time she was in the hospital that she wouldn't move in with a bf until marriage. I just know what's coming next. She continues on this path for a while with me, and then says, "there's really no use of you calling me anymore." Talking about our relationship is going nowhere, so i'm pretty much dumped, AGAIN, by her. She broke up with me three years earlier when she was in the start of another spell.
Anyways, I'm trying to sum this up, but much, much details you dont know. Cut to today. I called her back. I did this KNOWING what kind of mood I'm going to be put in. But, I cannot get this girl off my mind. I'm being completely treated like crap all the time, but I keep coming back, and I DONT KNOW WHY. There has to be something wrong with me.
She tells me in the phone today that she's moving into her sisters house about 35 miles away from here. SO, I now have the financial burden of everything in the apartment. SO, I'm not on the lease, but something needs to be done. She tells me that she doesn't know if she wants our dog, Bailey. She doesn't know how long she's going to be at her sister's house. She's always worried about her dog, and cat that I am taking care of. It's actually our dog, but every since she's put in the hospital noone has ever thought about what i'm feeling, or thinking. I beat myself up about this all the time. I feel like my opinion on everything doesn't matter, and that the last four years of my life were for nothing because she's just thinking she wants to drop me like a bad habit. I dont know what to do. I dont know if I stay in this apartment, and get rid of everything that she has here, or do I move on. Eventhough, I do not have the money to move into a new place right now.
I dont know if she wants anything to do with me. She says she'll come visit me all the time, so I know she's coming around, and is feeling much better, but this is just not working for me. I know that I must do something because I am usually one of those guys who's always in a good mood, and has so much energy, but I'm getting emotionally drained here, and I dont know why. I dont know why I have such a hang up about her. I do love her, and I do care very much about her, but I do not get how nothing I have to say matters, or nothing I do matters at all. I dont know what to do.
Do I throw her out of my life? I dont know if I want to do that, but I do know that everytime I speak with her I get my feelings hurt, and I feel bad for along time. Then, the back of my head was that she hasn't been around for four weeks now, only talking on the phone, and I remember what kinds of moods I've been in. I've been in great moods the last couple of weeks. NO JOKE, I seriously have. but, I feel that something is missing from my life. I am so use to her presense, but she has not been around, and I think that's what gets to me, because I cannot stop thinking about her knowing good and well that I get nothing but my feelings hurt. I'm a guy who puts up a very strong wall up when dealing with my problems. Noone knows anything, because that's just the way it always has been. but, she talks to me, and I feel like I'm young again, and I actually cry, or tear up a little bit. This is not something I do, but I keep subjecting myself to this, and dont know why.
it's always said that women grow up ending up with men similar to their fathers, so everything about the father/daughter relationship goes on to the womans bf/husband. That has to be the same for a mother/son relationship too then. Because I feel like I'm with the same kind of woman that my mother was and the way she talked to me all the time growing up. That's what I believe, so this is kind of all that I know.
Everyone in my family says that I need to get out now. but, it's just not that easy. I do love her, and care for her so much, and would die for her if it came to it. But, I also know that this is completely destroying me. I dont know what to do. I dont know how to act. I dont know what others have done when dealing with a spouse who's bipolar.
Any insight? Her mother told me that I should think about moving on. Do I want to move on, and block her out of my life, not really. Do I know that everytime I see her, and talk with her I'm going to get so destroyed because my memory is so great, it's annoying. I have identic imagery, and it's a curse. I wish I could forget, and quit thinking of other people besides myself. I always put others first, and know I need to stop.
That's my story. A small part of it, there's so much more I dont have the time to type.
What do you think?