Hey all, thanks for showing some interest in my post. This is my situation.
My current girlfriend is from Bulgaria. She grew up there, everything and everyone important to her is there.
I am a drug user, specifically weed. Anywhere between 4 times per month to nothing for 9 months or so.
She is COMPLETELY against drugs. She hates them with a huge passion. I quit them for her.
This will be important in just a second.
We have been going out since January of this year. During the summer she lost her job and decided to back to Bulgaria to visit everyone. She started talking to this one guy. She calls him her best guy friend. He may or not be her ex from the country, apparently they did everything but sex.
She told everyone in Bulgaria that she is coming back. Her and this guy started talking, a lot. They apparently made plans to sleep over, to watch porn together, and to get high.
I don't mind it much, I trust(ed?) her and I still do.
At one point it did get too much for me and I asked to stop talking about it, I couldn't take so much of "Oh, were going to this...."
A few days before she leaves, about 6? she brings up the topic of Weed. She says that if she is going to do it in Bulgaria with her best guy friend that I should be able to do it with her here in Canada. She also said that she felt it was unfair for only her to do it there, so she decided to do it here with me.
I didn't think much of it at that point.
After we smoked up (it only affected me), I started to think that maybe, just maybe, her being so against weed, she only did this to see what effect it would have on people.
So I decided to ask her, if she did this just to see what effect it would have on people, to use me as her guinea pig. Her answer was yes. I was her guinea pig at that time. Just to see how her best guy friend at home would act.
On the other side of the argument though, I don't think I can really blame her. Her whole life is in Bulgaria and she's been there a lot longer than we have been together, and so naturally, Bulgaria should mean more.
If you are feeling used then I would say it's time to let this go. Why is she telling you all these things she did with her "best guy friend"? Is it her intention to hurt you? When you smoked and it only affected you, why did she get nothing? Did she inhale? (sorry little joke...couldn't resist)....?
I think you feel rightfully so that you are being disrespected here and kind of pushed aside for this other guy. I would move on.
This girl sounds very strange. She lied to you up front and made you change who you are for no good reason, then turned around and got high with some other guy and WATCHED PORN (hello) with him. Then played games with you. She is a game player who at best is a confused young girl who has no idea who she is or what she really wants, and at worst, is a using, manipulative liar who gets kicks out of playing with people. Sounds like you need to just chalk this one up to lessons learned and move on. And consider cutting out the drugs for YOURSELF, not anyone else. TCH dulls the senses and reflexes and kills ambition. If you don't need it for medicinal purposes, you'd be better off without it, and living life at full volume.
Hello Veldan, I believe that she did use you, however I also think that in this instance there is curiosity and uncertainty on her part. I would want to know what I would act like and what someone else could/would act like while alone with them and while getting high. She sounds like she is unsure if she should trust this other guy or not, like would she be safe doing this kind of stuff around him. I also think that she is going about this in the wrong way, she may not realize this and is just trying and gropping along in life as many do trying to figure things out. She needs to learn that she needs people to help her learn and not to drag people into deeper intimacy with her while she figures things out. This can be easier said than done for some people. I grew up abused, so when it comes to being open, when I was younger, not now, I would not share where I was at, what I was going through or many other things. I also did not know where I was at or what I was going through, very devastated and numb and kind of in a state of shock, along with needing somebody to love me and hold me, I mean in a huge way.
I think some people need to come along side her and do community life together with her. Help her see what friends are like and that there is a difference in loving friends and who they are and being in love with a man. We all have needs and she may be trying to get her needs met in the wrong way.
It also sounds like this other guy back home is someone who she likes and maybe more, she sounds so uncertain here. She sounds like she wants to discover what is going on in her heart about him. I don't think watching porn with a guy friend is good, what did she accomplish by doing that, we all know what it does to our bodies and how quick it does it. This is a whole new level here, again discovering, wanting to figure out where she is with him? I don't know, but I do know I don't like all that is going on here and a lot of this stuff is very shallow and will not hold up under pressure or real life. Porn does not build any kind of relationship, it never will. It is a stimulus, a drug, and very addicting.
I hope I haven't rambled on and on or offended, these are the thoughts on my heart. I hope you have a good day, we all mingle together and I am glad you are present......G
Yes, she may have used you as a guinea-pig, but at least she was honest enough to admit it.
Anyway, the description you give of her makes me think she is not really emotionally connected to you. Sounds like she wants to have fun, whatever this means. And to be free in order to have it.
I may be wrong, but I don't think you would be able to have and keep a stable relationship with her.
I can't give you any more advice. I don't even know for how long you have been seeing her. I don't much know what to expect from her. I wouldn't say that there is no possibility for her to cheat on you while she is in her homeland, but I am almost as sure that if she does, she won't hide it from you. She appears to be straightforward, but rather too detached, if you see what I mean.