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Old 09-01-2008, 01:02 PM   #1
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contacting an ex

it has been 2 yrs since my x left me and I went through a wave of depression with good and bad days…he contacted me recently after 2 yrs and ever since then I cannot stop thinking about him…I guess I was just stunned to hear from someone after 2 yrs of no contact...I still do love him deep down inside and know I had to bury my feelings since I had no other choice. I have not met ANYONE since he left me and my life has been pretty crappy and lonely. Anyway, I feel like contacing him and just speak from my heart and see what he says…I figured the worse he can do is reject me and then I would just have to continue on with the boring lonely life I have going on right now….anyone have any suggestions? thanks in advance.

Last edited by lostsoul12; 09-01-2008 at 01:04 PM.

 
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Old 09-01-2008, 01:13 PM   #2
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Re: contacting an ex

Remember why you two were divorced...well it never changes so if you want the same problems go for it. If your heart needs breaking again then by all means give him a call but for heavens sake don't show all your cards by speaking from the heart....I am sure you spoke plenty from the heart before the divorce and it only serves to reveal your weaknesses. Or get a life and move on...you deserve better than another rejection.

 
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Old 09-01-2008, 01:15 PM   #3
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Re: contacting an ex

Why did he leave you in the first place? And what has he contacted you for recently?

It is sometimes ok to contact an ex again, but the circumstances leading to the rupture (breaking up) must be fresh in your memory. Wouldn't you be repeating the same pattern over and over again? If he would reject you again, how would you feel?

In any case, proceed with caution, slowly, and don't let him know that you felt broken after he left you. At least, not now.

Last edited by pendulum; 09-01-2008 at 01:17 PM.

 
Old 09-01-2008, 02:37 PM   #4
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Re: contacting an ex

divorce? we were never married. Pendulum you are right, there is no need to repeat the same pattern over again...I am better off sticking with my No Contact

 
Old 09-01-2008, 04:42 PM   #5
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Re: contacting an ex

What did he say when he contacted you?

Not a lot of info to go on, but I'd say you're probably better off leaving well enough alone. You say the worst he can do is reject you and you'll just go on the way you have been. That's not actually true. the worst that can happen is you start to hope again and maybe he leads you on a little, and then he lets you down all over again and your heart is broken all over again, just as badly if not more badly than it was before. And any tiny little progess you've made over the last 2 years to gain back your strength, your self esteem, will be blown to heck. Off hand, I'd say exes are exes for a reason. Talk to him to settle any old business you feel was left unfinished, but NOT with any hope of getting back with him or rekindling anything or speaking your heart and hoping it will move him somehow.

 
Old 09-01-2008, 06:04 PM   #6
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Re: contacting an ex

Quote:
Originally Posted by lostsoul12 View Post
divorce? we were never married. Pendulum you are right, there is no need to repeat the same pattern over again...I am better off sticking with my No Contact
Ggod that you have made a decision. Now that you seem to be free from his influence, why wouldn't it be possible for you meet someone else who is worthy? In a way, you are beginning to open new channels for your life.

 
Old 09-01-2008, 11:05 PM   #7
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Re: contacting an ex

There are some people out there with whom you can speak from your heart and it all works out ok in that, they don't try to use it against you. But this is an EX that you're talking about. Ex's are NOT the person with whom to share your deepest feelings because they will always find a way to use it against you and just hurt you, possibly even worse than they did before.

If you want to save yourself from more heartbreak then don't contact him again. I think it's time you got on with your life and quit pining over him now, it's been 2 years. You should be out there having fun and living your life and not wondering about someone who has had no contact with you for so long. He's probably one of those pig guys who contacts an ex who, in his mind (doesn't mean it's true) is desperate and lonely just for him to use until he find someone else, and then he's just going to drop you all over again. You should just stay away from him and not even consider talking to him again. It will only end up in further heartbreak for you.

 
Old 09-02-2008, 08:11 PM   #8
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Re: contacting an ex

I, too, think it depends on the details. I can only share my story. My ex contacted me after around 2 yrs of no contact. Things had ended badly and I had never gotten over him. So when he contacted me, I eventually agreed to talk. We never really "talked" but we talked/went out for about 2 months until I decided I didn't want all those past problems, that I had gotten so far away from, back in my life. So I changed my # and that was that.
I finally got over him. I am not sure that I'm over the things he did, or the hurt he brought to me, but maybe that will never completely go away. But as far as him - I know I don't want or need to be with someone like him.


The weird thing is that the biggest part of me wishes he had never contacted me and wishes I hadn't let him in my life for that short time. The smallest part of me knows that had he not contacted me, I wouldn't be over him now, but for some strange reason, the biggest part of me still wishes I hadn't let him back in my life. Maybe because I tried to spill my heart to him during that time, and now I feel we've just left it go, so he probably thinks I am sitting here still crushed over him. I never told him different, I just walked away. I guess it feels had he not come back, he would have never known how much I struggled when things ended. I'm not really certain. This may not even had made any sense to you. (I'm not sure it makes sense to me).

So as for your situation, I think only you can determine what will be best for YOU. You know best what you can/can't handle, but my advice would be that no matter what choice you make, be prepared for it to not go the way you may want or hope or believe. I guess that's what I would say I learned out of it.

 
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