There is this girl that I have been seeing for about a year. Before me, she was dating someone who used to be our mutual friend. Some things happened that got us pretty upset at him and she basically said we shouldn't be friends with him any more.
There have been a lot of times where I thought she may still have feelings for him. Basically, a lot of inconsistencies in what she says. Ex: She comes back from a trip and I take a look at the pictures shes taken. There was a pic of a car very similar to his and I wondered why she even took it. The first time i asked her , she said it was because she used to like that car. The other time I brought it up, she said it was because the car isn't very common there . Obviously, I thought she took the pic just because it reminded her of him. Another time when I was with her, the guy was calling her, but she said to me she wasn't gonna pick it up because he probably just wants to pick up the dvd she borrowed from him. A few days later, she picks up the phone when he calls, except I wasn't there at the time. She said she picked up the phone because...she thought he probably just wanted to pick up the dvds... what the hell? I don't know... and then, we argued about it and she said 'do i have to be consistent with what i say'?
Why wouldn't it be important, right?
Fast forward to present: she bumped into him on the street recently and had a little chat. She tells me she's not really mad at him any more and just wants to be friends. She's has been telling me she needed an oil change for a while now, but I've put it off. So, she hints it to him that she needs her oil changed or something. A day later, she asks me not to get mad at her for something shes about to tell me. She tells me that he called her and asked if she wanted her oil changed and agreed to it, but she would have to pick him up to go get the oil so he can change it. she agreed to.
Why would she even let this situation happen? If she knows I'm going to get mad, why can't she just avoid it altogether? We've had arguments in the past regarding him. I think the guy still likes her, but she always argues that if she doesn't like him, what's the problem? Is it wrong for me to feel uncomfortable when she is around him? Am I just jealous/insecure??
Also, she's cheated before in one of her past relationships, but not with me.
Last edited by someyoungguy; 09-01-2008 at 06:51 PM.
Well, I don't know if anything's going on that you need to be worried about actually, but she does sound very flirty and just likes to get men to do things for her. When my car needs the oil changed, I take it to Express lube. I don't bat my eyes and get the most handy guy to do it for me. She just doesn't sound very independent and needs a man to do things for her and if it isn't you who will step up and do these things for her as soon as she needs it done, she will find someone who will. That's the danger of women farming out their attention to the man who will take best care of them. A smart, independent woman takes care of herself, and gives her heart to the best man who treats her right and loves her true and deserves it the most.
I can't say for sure if she's up to something with this guy. I won't make a judgment when I'm just a faceless anonymous person on the net. But I think you should start thinking long and hard about this girl and how you feel about her. Is she really long term material?
Do you know the old saying: "Where there is smoke there is fire?" If fire can stand for suspicion rather than rumour (I think the saying is traditionally associated to rumour), then I think it could apply to the case.
At best, she seems to be sitting upon the fence between you and the other guy.
At worst, she is just taking her time and will eventually go back to him.
At your age (I presume you are very young), I would feel really insecure. She is being somewhat insolent or presumptuous when she implies she doesn't have to be consistent. Ok, in this case, she must be treated like a small child, because small children can afford to be inconsistent.
You know better than all of us, but I guess you should look for someone more mature.
Hello there someyoungguy, I don't think that you are over reacting. If it were me, I would expect the relationship with her ex to be very distant if anything. She is with you now, you two are the center, the main course, no contact, no interaction on a regular basis, I can see the video thing, an exchange. About the car in the picture, sounds fishy to me. When I don't want to "tell all", like reveal my feelings I just say something and never remember it and at a later day, if asked the same thing and I still didn't want to reveal my feelings, I may say something different, not remembering. I just don't want to reveal my feelings and want to avoid his opinion and/or hurting him because I do have feelings. If this is about feelings, it needs to be talked about and brought into the open and dealt with, she needs to admit where she is really at here and not hide. As you can imagine, I have been confronted and know my own behavior. If you think that the car in the pictures could have been his car, then what the hell. It would be over. I would have to confront, especially if I wanted to continue in this relationship and all the more if I were in love. Could he have been there? I don't know where she went on this trip to or if that is even possible. She could get pictures of particular cars on the web, why then? He totally should not be changing her oil, that stuff needs to end now. She needs to respect you on that one, and if the shoes were reversed, how would she feel. Say you need an outfit and she put you off and eventually you get an ex-gf to go with you on your mission......how would she like it, the mission is almost irrelevant, put anything that pertains to you in there. Get her to think. Is she really young, confused, doesn't know herself well? All kinds of questions here.....take care and I hope you have a good day.....G
She sounds to me like the kind of girl who likes to see men competing for her attentions. Steer clear of this one, there are plenty of genuine women out there. Life is too short to try to work out someone's stupid head games. Sera.