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Old 09-01-2008, 10:06 PM   #1
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he isn't talking to me...

And so the plot thickens....

For those of you who saw my most recent post.. (Me looking at my boyfriend's e-mail).. After that we had a conversation in which he found out that I hung out with someone within the first few months that we were dating (but weren't exclusive). It was after the time that I looked at his text messages and found messages between him and other girls. I suppose I just wasn't sure if he was all that into me, and someone was courting me. So I went with it. I hung out with this guy maybe 2 times, and we ended up having sex. Having sex was not what I thought would happen or wanted to happen, but it did, and I regretted it. So my boyfriend found out about this. He asked so many detailed questions. This was last Monday or Tuesday. And on Wednesday it was his birthday and I sent him a message, and he thanked me. And he hasn't talked to me since. Almost a week now. I tried calling him maybe 2 or 3 times and texted him once. NOTHING. It is so frustrating. Is he done with me? Does he need time to think about the situation? Its not fair...
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Old 09-02-2008, 05:55 AM   #2
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Re: he isn't talking to me...

I'm sorry to say this, but if he is done with you that's a good thing dodedoo. Don't you see what he is doing now? He is taking this situation that just recently happened (you seeing emails from girls while you were exclusive) and turning it around on you and something you did when you were not exclusive. He is taking the blame off of him and putting it on you. You are on the defensive and worried about his feelings when in all reality what you did when you weren't exclusive does not matter.

I think this is his way of "punishing" you. He wants you to beg him back and appologize profusely (for something you shouldn't even have to appologize for btw) and basically accept the blame for everything he has done to this point. After all, you having the nerve to see another guy while not exclusive should make him have all these double standards!

I wish you could see that you are so much better than this guy. He may have some wonderful qualities, but being a good boyfriend is NOT one of them. Don't you think you should just call it a loss and move on? Is he really that great when you look at him with an objective eye?

 
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Old 09-02-2008, 08:23 AM   #3
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Re: he isn't talking to me...

Quote:
Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
I'm sorry to say this, but if he is done with you that's a good thing dodedoo. Don't you see what he is doing now? He is taking this situation that just recently happened (you seeing emails from girls while you were exclusive) and turning it around on you and something you did when you were not exclusive. He is taking the blame off of him and putting it on you. You are on the defensive and worried about his feelings when in all reality what you did when you weren't exclusive does not matter.

I think this is his way of "punishing" you. He wants you to beg him back and appologize profusely (for something you shouldn't even have to appologize for btw) and basically accept the blame for everything he has done to this point. After all, you having the nerve to see another guy while not exclusive should make him have all these double standards!

I wish you could see that you are so much better than this guy. He may have some wonderful qualities, but being a good boyfriend is NOT one of them. Don't you think you should just call it a loss and move on? Is he really that great when you look at him with an objective eye?
Honestly that was one of my ideas. That he is trying to punish me and make what I did into a huge deal. Which he has done by stopping communication. I can't believe he is such a coward though to just stop talking to me.
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Old 09-02-2008, 08:43 AM   #4
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Re: he isn't talking to me...

Good riddance. If he ever does contact you again, what you need to do is tell him YOU are done. This is your chance to take a stand and not put up with being treated like crap from a guy. THIS is your moment of truth. How many times have women posted here complaining about how they always get cheated on in every relationship, they always get dumped, they always get hurt, blah blah blah - and it's situations like these where you can prevent yourself from being just another one of those women to actually taking an active role in demanding respect for yourself from your partner. This is it. I can't make it any clearer for you than that. This could potentially be the biggest turning point of your life, the moment when you finally decide that you're REALLY done with dating these shmoe guys who are going to keep doing the same thing to you over and over again. It's your chance to make that change and do something right for a change, and that means having a zero tolerance policy as it relates to being treated this way by any guy ever again.

It makes me sad that I know you're just going to read this stuff we are posting and then just go ahead and keep calling this guy and crying to him and apologizing and making it all your fault. It makes me sad and angry and upset because you don't seem to care about your self-respect and you don't seem to care that you're allowing this guy to get away with manipulating you into thinking that this is somehow your fault. I wish there was something either I or one of the others here could say to get through to you but it doesn't seem like you're willing to listen. But just heed my words that until this stuff that I'm saying to you actually sinks in and you "get it", you're going to keep getting hurt because you're allowing it to happen. You do have the power to prevent yourself from getting hurt again this time. And it's up to you how you want to handle it, but I think you should really think about this for real, and not just go crawling back to him on your hands and knees, cause he's absolutely not worth it.

 
Old 09-02-2008, 04:12 PM   #5
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Re: he isn't talking to me...

I agree Kzan,
I want to post on this board and support so many, but it seems like they always just do what they want anyway...It makes me sad because Im a strong woman, and I wouldnt EVER let a man treat me the way a lot of these women let men treat them. I just cant see letting a man manipulate me into thinking Ive done something wrong when it is them, and they darn well know it.
But I guess ppl need to learn on their own...I just want to reach thru the monitor and shake your girls. You all have the answers, just believe in yourself and quit thinking you cant deal without a man or think on your own.
Heres to hoping you can stand firm. You can do it. Better now than later.
xoxoxox,
IZZY'SMOM

Last edited by IZZY'SMOM; 09-02-2008 at 04:24 PM.

 
Old 09-02-2008, 07:38 PM   #6
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Re: he isn't talking to me...

I do listen to and appreciate everything that everyone posts. Its not to say that I have to follow what people write. But I am definitely done with this guy. I told him to pick up his stuff sooner than later because otherwise it'll be out on the streets. But he still hasn't talked to me yet, so we shall see.
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Old 09-02-2008, 08:20 PM   #7
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Re: he isn't talking to me...

Why does he have to pick up his stuff? That would just be another reason for him to come by, if that's what you're after. I'd just put it in a box and let him know it will be out front. And that preferably he'd pick it up when you aren't home.

I know...everyone wants an explanation...they want to know WHY???!!! But there is no why, it's just the way he is. And unfortunately you were dragged into it.

Way too short a time to be having all the drama. I realize that drama can often be mistaken for great love and passion, but really, it's just high anxiety and nerves, not love.

When you find true love, you'll realize how much better it is. Good luck.

 
Old 09-03-2008, 06:59 AM   #8
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Re: he isn't talking to me...

So he finally called me last night and told me that he needed some time to take a step back and think about things and thats why he wasn't talking to me. He said its over. Because he feels like he has to walk on eggshells and that I am delving into his privacy (by the three incidents that we had). And he said he doesn't know what to do to fix it or make me feel better about anything.
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Old 09-03-2008, 07:16 AM   #9
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Re: he isn't talking to me...

he's doing you a favor......I hope you realize that

 
Old 09-03-2008, 07:20 AM   #10
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Re: he isn't talking to me...

Tell him to take as much time as he needs because you're DONE!! Seriously. You have said you've been cheated on before, so why are you letting this guy get away with it? Just tell him flat out that you're done and be done with him. You will keep getting cheated on, unless you break the cycle yourself, so.... it's your decision.

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:20 AM   #11
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Re: he isn't talking to me...

so its official. that he was definitely more upset about me having sex with that guy ONE TIME months ago. he had the audacity to insinuate that it was ****-like behavior. and that for having been sexually active for only two years i have had a lot of partners (but i can count them on less than one hand). I KNOW at the beginning of us hanging out he was still hanging out with other girls and definitely having sex. so why is it a bigger deal that i had sex. why is there this crazy double standard that a girl is "used up" when they have sex. and it doesn't even matter for guys. so not cool.
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Old 09-04-2008, 09:31 AM   #12
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Re: he isn't talking to me...

Quote:
Originally Posted by dodedoo View Post
so its official. that he was definitely more upset about me having sex with that guy ONE TIME months ago. he had the audacity to insinuate that it was ****-like behavior. and that for having been sexually active for only two years i have had a lot of partners (but i can count them on less than one hand). I KNOW at the beginning of us hanging out he was still hanging out with other girls and definitely having sex. so why is it a bigger deal that i had sex. why is there this crazy double standard that a girl is "used up" when they have sex. and it doesn't even matter for guys. so not cool.
Got to love that double-standard! My exhusband was the same way. He read my journal (I'm a writer and I have kept one forever) when we first started dating while I was taking a shower. And it's not like it was out in the open, it was in a drawer under clothes (I have a sneaky younger brother, lol). He flipped out about the fact that I was dating 3 guys at the same time when I met him and that I had had sex with one of them. It was none of his damn business what I did, but he got all up in arms about it. Long story short, our relationship was full of double standards (because of my "promiscuous" past, not his jealousy or insecurity ). I couldn't even look at a guy without being accused of something but he could go out and talk to girls and it be okay. My goodness, after writing that I look like such a fool for being with him, but hey, we all have our relationship mistakes, right?

Don't get anymore into with him dodedoo. He's BAD NEWS! I hope you see him for the jerk he is. You are so much better than him.

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:58 AM   #13
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Re: he isn't talking to me...

Quote:
Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
Got to love that double-standard! My exhusband was the same way. He read my journal (I'm a writer and I have kept one forever) when we first started dating while I was taking a shower. And it's not like it was out in the open, it was in a drawer under clothes (I have a sneaky younger brother, lol). He flipped out about the fact that I was dating 3 guys at the same time when I met him and that I had had sex with one of them. It was none of his damn business what I did, but he got all up in arms about it. Long story short, our relationship was full of double standards (because of my "promiscuous" past, not his jealousy or insecurity ). I couldn't even look at a guy without being accused of something but he could go out and talk to girls and it be okay. My goodness, after writing that I look like such a fool for being with him, but hey, we all have our relationship mistakes, right?

Don't get anymore into with him dodedoo. He's BAD NEWS! I hope you see him for the jerk he is. You are so much better than him.
its the most insane thing i ever heard. first of all i don't even think its his business who i have slept with in the past, if we can't even discuss his conquests. he is 30, i am 22. and i am sure if i found out all of the people he had sex with it would be an insane number of girls. i just couldn't even believe we were having a conversation about me being promiscuous! i was a virgin until i was 20. i've only had one one night stand, i use protection. and he had the audacity to tell me that i was going towards a "used up" status! i was very disturbed by that conversation. he has a very skewed vision on society. he kind of has this "fairy tale" view, where he is this prince and he is supposed to swoop up the princess, yada yada. im sorry but whatever happened to working towards womens equality?

i think my problem is i don't like to "give up" on relationships. i like to work at them until there is nothing left.
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Old 09-04-2008, 10:00 AM   #14
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Re: he isn't talking to me...

Quote:
Originally Posted by dodedoo View Post
i think my problem is i don't like to "give up" on relationships. i like to work at them until there is nothing left.
you're there......you can stop

 
Old 09-06-2008, 09:04 PM   #15
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Re: he isn't talking to me...

don't waste your time read: 20 years down the drain. Life is too precious and I should have realized that 20 years ago.

 
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