Now it is really starting to dawn on me that I was pursuing a delusion with my ex. There was notihng to pursue, it was all a dream, a pretence, I cannot believe it. It was hallow. Its a strange feeling to have.
While this is good because I can start to let things go, I am still badly brusied and have no faith in love nor relationships.
My parents are still in love and happy after 30 years of marriage. All my friends, in fact, every one around my age who I know of are in longterm relationships, so surely I shold be a believer. But no...It cripples me thinking I am alone and that now I realise not everyone is meant to find love. So many people end up alone. So many people get treated so bad.
And I cannot believe I wasted years of my life to someone who never loved me. And it was so obvious he didn't love me. And everyone else were in happy loving relationships - holidaying together, planning things to together, supporting etc.
Yes, give it time, you'll meet someone when its meant to be, all those people won't stay together foreber etc etc but I have no faith. And why should I? Why pretend even more?
Ok, you have waken up - this is great, but you don't need to become so bitter, so pessimistic, so frustrated, so hopeless now. In one word, don't be so serious about life, and so definitive about what you see on the surface of other people's lives. To be realistic doesn't mean to deny that life can be fun, no matter what.
My only advice to you is:
- to keep doing things that are useful to you and to the world at large;
- to keep pursuing self-knowledge (the more you know/learn about yourself and the more you develop your own talents and skills, the greater the chances are for you to become a more satisfied and more attractive person; however, you don't have to boast, because boasting leads to envy);
- to keep helping other people, even if your help is not readily recognized. Do voluntary work, if adequate, or get to know people who have gone through the same pain as (or maybe even more pain than) yourself. You may finally decide that you have indeed very little to complain about.