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Old 09-04-2008, 09:09 AM   #1
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How to get rid of hurt

How to get rid of the hurt caused by the person you love the most and wanted for years telling you he doesn't want to be with you and can live life without ever talkng to me again.
If I had done something bad, like cheat or lie, I could understand.
I did nothing wrong. I simply loved him too much.

I gave him months to think about us. I started seeing him. Then he doesn't want it again.
He left me so many times.
What is wrong with me.

And yesterday when I asked him if he felt he had done anything wrong, he said no.

I gave him months and now he wants me to leave him alone after two weeks of talking.

Yesterday he moaned about me being half hr late for his birthday last year. We werent together and I was giving him time. Last minute he said I could come over to go to an event because his friend couldnt make it. Ii travelled two hours, sat in traffic which made us late. I spent so much money on tickets. Yesterday he moaned about me being late that time.

Been messaging. He started getting nasty - being abusive so I told him I would be cutting him out for good this time.

He just sent me following messages:

"If you cut me out, Ii'll live with it. That's fine if you want to, but I don't want to be with you anymore. It wont' change. I've thought about it and there's nothing more that can be done. That's my decision, don't ask me, it won't change."

I asked him to tell me he had no feelings.

""I don't have any feelings, just accept it. Why are you chasing someone who doesn't want to be with you. I'm at work can't talk till late."

Well after that how can he think I'll want to talk anymore?
I won't be replying. Not even to say that's it, I'll be cutting him out.

How to deal with the hurt. Yes, I have cut him out, and time may heal, but is there anyting else I can do?
Everything hurts. The whole past hurts. He is so wrong for me.
Only last week I was saying we could go away for his birthday in a few weeks. He said no. Now he has booked time off work to travel and see a friend.

I know it's over, but how to help myself.Ii don't want to go through this again I can't believe I am back here yet again to not only where I was two years ago but a year ago exactly.

Last edited by bluesky123; 09-04-2008 at 09:22 AM.

 
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Old 09-04-2008, 09:15 AM   #2
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Re: How to get rid of hurt

Can you give us more insight to your story please. Was it an on/off relationship. I'm sorry fo ryour hurt. I truly am. We have all been there at some point.

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:19 AM   #3
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Re: How to get rid of hurt

Too bad there isn't a magic potion to take to feel better instantly in these situations. How to get through it? Only time and one day at a time. How to survive? Just one step at a time and keep reminding yourself that what you are going through now has been gone through by most people at one time or another.

I have often wondered how one person can still be sooo in love and not even realise that the other is looking for a way out. I use to think there would be signs, and sometimes there are, but from my own experince with this...thinking everything is just great and being at the top of the world, only to find out that things are NOT that way with the other person is a most horrible experience. It can actually pull the rug right out from under your feet and tear your world apart....not just today, but any hopes and dreams you might have had for the future.

All I can tell you is you are not alone....we've (most of us) have been in a similiar place. Since you didn't do anything to cause it, there seems to be nothing to change and nothing to compromise on. Sadly, you have no alternative but to let go and try and move on. You will be happier in the long haul without this guy. Just be glad he didn't wait until you had 25 years invested and kids together.

I wish you luck!

Mileena

Last edited by Mileena42; 09-04-2008 at 09:20 AM. Reason: spelling

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:21 AM   #4
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Re: How to get rid of hurt

Quote:
Originally Posted by dma11663 View Post
Can you give us more insight to your story please. Was it an on/off relationship. I'm sorry fo ryour hurt. I truly am. We have all been there at some point.
I've added a bit more to original post.

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:25 AM   #5
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Re: How to get rid of hurt

you realize that you deserve way BETTER

stop being a doormat for him to wipe his feet on......

you realize that you're not losing anything.......

time to start caring for yourself! move forward, you can do it!

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:27 AM   #6
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Re: How to get rid of hurt

Just read your updated post. My only suggestions would be to try and get out and do things to take your mind off it. Go out with friends. Pack your weekends full of "fun" things you enjoy doing.

Here is one thing that worked for me...though it wasn't a quick fix. Give yourself permission to grieve for the relationship in a time frame. (Two weeks....or so) For that amount of time you can think about him, cry about him. Sit home and watch sappy movies and eat chocolate ice cream and pizza...but when that time is up...everything changes...once you are thinking of him.....consiously MAKE yourself stop....put a rubberband around your wrist and snap it everytime your thoughts go to him,

You will be surprised at how little time re-adjusting your thoughts and actions can take!!

Mileena

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:28 AM   #7
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Re: How to get rid of hurt

I WISH i was stronger and booted him out the first time. Big regret. I kept going back for more and more.

I've had a big cry. Does help. Also helps knowing he will be expecting a reply but I won't be talking or messaging or seeing him again. Another big help - you people on here. Thanks.

I miss what we had so bad - I'd do anything to get it back. In fact, I did try almost everything to get it back. At my expense. Heisn't the same person - I told him yesterday. I also told him to think about this and not to make the same mistake again. But thinking about it, isn't this my mistake and not his?

Last edited by bluesky123; 09-04-2008 at 09:30 AM.

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:33 AM   #8
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Re: How to get rid of hurt

Hindsight is 20-20. Don't beat yourself up for going back. Truth is...if you hadn't gone back you would be beating yourself up over what "might have been" its human nature. LOTS of people go back for even 3rds!!

Regardless, you can survive this!! If it was going to kill somebody.....most of us would be dead long ago! AND I promise you once you have recovered...you will be GLAD it's over!! You don't need him. There is someone out there who you will never meet if you are tied down to him. Get out and find him!!
Mileena

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:34 AM   #9
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Re: How to get rid of hurt

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileena42 View Post
Here is one thing that worked for me...though it wasn't a quick fix. Give yourself permission to grieve for the relationship in a time frame. (Two weeks....or so) For that amount of time you can think about him, cry about him. Sit home and watch sappy movies and eat chocolate ice cream and pizza...but when that time is up...everything changes...once you are thinking of him.....consiously MAKE yourself stop....put a rubberband around your wrist and snap it everytime your thoughts go to him

I'm going to give myself until tomorrow morning. Then I will wake and be strong and move on. This is it. I've done it with all ex boyfriends apart from him. Its his turn now - cut him out for good. Never see or speak to him again. To forget him like the others who treated me badly.
If he calls or messages me, I swear, like I told him, I will ignore. I will ignore. I gave him many options.
Last month, after a similar experience, he messaged me the next morning asking to forgive him, apologising for what he said and did, and begged me to talk to him. I gave in. Not this time. I gave him plenty of warnings. I gave him more than a year. And that is a long, long time not to mention the hurt I went through.

Also what eats away at me is how good he thinks he is. He thinks he did nothing wrong. He isn't sorry for anything.

But like the times before, who bets he'll be coming back again? He reminds me of the pig my aunt is divorcing. Its very creepy.

Last edited by bluesky123; 09-04-2008 at 09:36 AM.

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:35 AM   #10
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Re: How to get rid of hurt

He left you months ago. You just couldn't accept it. He has told you so many times, but since he didn't completely cut you off you believed you still had a chance. You didn't.

The only way to start healing is to stop the cycle. Stop trying to talk to him, stop trying to get him to reconsider, stop letting him treat you poorly. Actually, I think he may be treating you poorly because that's the only way he can get the message across...he's over it and does not want to try again.

You can be proactive in not continuing as you have for the past year. You can decide to take hold of your life and not let him control your feelings, moods and future. Your life is yours, not his!

Finish school (you are in school, right?) and realize that you have a whole life ahead of you. YOU can decide how that life is lived! And pining away over some guy who doesn't want to be with you is not the way you want it, right?

I look around me and see men everywhere. There is one out there somewhere who wants to be with you and treat you well and cherish you. But you'll never find him if you spend all your time wishing this guy would change his mind. Choose to do something different, and better!

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:39 AM   #11
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Re: How to get rid of hurt

You gave some great advice but I didn't like one part of it I am sorry to say. I hope you don't take this as me being ungrateful or rude.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
He left you months ago. You just couldn't accept it. He has told you so many times, but since he didn't completely cut you off you believed you still had a chance. You didn't.
No, less than a month ago he begged me to open up and talk to him.
He left the relationship a long time ago but we were seeing eachother, dating, having sex, buying me presents etc. He stopped all that when he came back from a family holiday a month ago.
I should have ended this a long time ago, yes, and I regret that. But I don't agree with you saying I couldn't accept it.

Last edited by bluesky123; 09-04-2008 at 09:42 AM.

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:42 AM   #12
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Re: How to get rid of hurt

I think that majority of us here have gone through exactly what you're feeling right now, and we've all survived and moved on. The thing is, this kind of thing happens like, all the time, and it always hurts, it's never easy. Even when the guy was a total jerk and a loser who treated us badly, we still have a hard time letting go. Believe me, I totally know how you feel!

And I know you already know this but time really does help. Time will pass and you'll feel a little better each day. Right now it's way too fresh of a wound for you to expect to feel better right away. Just don't let this guy steal your happiness anymore though, and try your best to occupy yourself with other stuff - friends, hobbies, roadtrips, etc. Stuff that will make you get out there and live your life and have fun. And pretty soon you'll realize you hadn't thought of him the entire day and then you'll realize that you are actually feeling a lot better. But again, that kind of thing takes time. That's all you can really do. There's no specific way to get over it faster.

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:45 AM   #13
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Re: How to get rid of hurt

And one more thing, there are also those of us who have done the whole - breakup/getbacktogether/breakup/getbacktogether/breakup/getbacktogether thing with a guy in our past. From experience, I'm hoping that you really mean it this time when you say you're done with him. For me, it was like a weight was lifted when I finally cut him off for good. Because I couldn't take the constant back and forth anymore. It was just too much. I hope that you will really truly ignore him from this point forward, because that's what I did, and that was how I managed to get over him.

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:45 AM   #14
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Re: How to get rid of hurt

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
There's no specific way to get over it faster.

I can't understand why there aren't thousands of researchers trying out new drugs on how to fix a broken heart! Imagine the sales!

 
Old 09-04-2008, 09:46 AM   #15
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Re: How to get rid of hurt

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
that was how I managed to get over him.
I remember your story. So can you really say you are over him now? Well done girl. You've done well.
Anyone new in your life or enjoying time alone?

 
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