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Old 09-05-2008, 01:17 PM   #1
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how to get rid of hurt (continued)

Updates Blue? Anything going on?

 
Old 09-07-2008, 12:44 PM   #2
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Re: how to get rid of hurt (continued)

Hello! Thank you for remembering me and wondering how I am

I wanted to post yesterday but internet wasn't working so I typed it up on my computer and saved it. I'll copy and paste it below and add a follow on for today.

06/09/08 Morning

Worked yesterday. Got the day off today to go to that training course but I had no confirmation back from the organisers and it is a long way to travel if it wasn't going to happen so I've had a sleep in because I was absolutely exhausted yesterday despite having the previous three days off work. I had been working full time for a number of months.

Woke up this morning, and it came from nowhere. I am really missing him. Really missing him. Not a strong and deep kinda missing him pain but just missing. Right now, as happymom described, all those wam and fuzzy feelings and memories are drifting into my thoughts. But I do understand and I am able to remember I miss what we had more than a year ago and that has disappeared for good and I can never get that back. Even if he came back again, it has gone for good this time. If I let him back, it'd be a waste of time, wasting more time and opportunities to meet a man who I will be able to have what I had with my ex in the beginning but this time make it last for longer and perhaps forever (rolls eyes, yeah right lol but hey at least I am being optimistic). Wow...just typing that has made me feel so much better. I woke up feeling..."missing him " but I do understand not to confuse missing with wanting and thinking it could work. It really seems like I've let this go. No calls, no messages, no nothing. If I never respond, normally he attemps to talk again or at least be friends. But this feels like it is. And I'll be damned if I ever contact him again.

I just miss what we had. How sweet he was. I am still in love with all of what we had. What a absolute fool he was to give that up. Absolute fool.

So today I will start by having a bath and using the beauty products I spent a lot of money on the other day. Normally I'm not a sucker and I am not a materialist person but I thought I'd treat myself.
I really want to change the colour of my hair and really want to do that today but I don't have an appointment and the next time I'll be able to won't be till next week. I need it done though. Maybe I should see if they could fit me in? But perhaps I need mroe time to find the exact colour I want?

One piece of excitement today -going clubbing with my favourite work mates and staying round my friend's house. I am so excited. It has been a very rough summer and to finally be out with my favourite people it is going to be good. I just hope I am still up to it!
I should buy a new outfit.

Oh and it is my sister's birthday today. Will need to go shopping to buy her a very expensive handbag. Will be celebrating her birthday tomorrow as she is living away at the moment at University.


TODAY

Great night out last night. It was amazing. Had work again today and celebrated my sister's birthday this evening.
Haven't thought about my ex too much.
Kinda missed him this morning but the feeling now is more about how I feel like such a mug to have pursued him the way I did. In a few weeks he will be going on holiday on his own, while a few weeks back I was telling him how we could go away for his birthday. I don't message him happy birthday, right? I'm scared nearer the time and with more time apart I may be inclined to but please don't make me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!! I know it is my responsibility at the end of the day but neverthless please remind me why I shouldn't. I'm sure I'll post nearer the time...
Two years ago I begged him to go on a ski holiday with me. He said he didn't like sking. Next few weeks after that I found out from his friends that they were going! Needless to say I was not happy. And because he didn't want to go to a concert (my fav artist's) on new year's because he wanted to sit in a bar with his friends. The list could go on. But him going away when I really wanted to go with him...it has deep effect on me because it reminds me of why I started feeling insecure, not wanted, and how stupid I was to keep ignoring my gut and trying to work things out. No point. Things would never change as time proved.
The more I think about it the more I realise...did he even like me considering the way he treated me?????????? forget love. there was no love in the slightest. When I hear about the loving things men do for the special woman in their life, my heart melts then breaks. Melts because I think "how sweet" I bloody forget what a real loving relationship with a man entails! Then my heart breaks because I think how wrong, how bad, how disgusting my ex was to me, and how I was happy with that and really started to believe that it was acceptable as long as I had him.
Listening tongiht about the things my sister's boyfriend did for my sister's birthday...sigh...well he's always perfect towards her. They're lucky to have eachother!

Well last night was great And so are you guys!

I've realised I need to be single for a while. Not because I don't want a man or a relationship. For the first time in my life I am really missing sex. But because I couldn't have one now. I don't feel up to it. I need to shake this cobwebs off. I really need to be in the new phase of my life with my ex forgotten and in a long distant world.

Last edited by bluesky123; 09-07-2008 at 12:49 PM. Reason: spelling

 
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Old 09-07-2008, 02:57 PM   #3
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Re: how to get rid of hurt (continued)

Bluesky!

I am sooo proud of you! It sounds like you are getting out and going on with you life! Good for you! Just keep doing what you are doing and one day you will realise that you didn't think about him all day! FREEDOM! YAY!

By the way: NO, do not text him a happy birthday wish. Think about it this way....he probably knows you well enough to "think" on that day, you would. To keep yourself from doing it...think of the satisfaction of knowing he might be looking for that wish! LOL.

Mileena

 
Old 09-08-2008, 02:43 AM   #4
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Re: how to get rid of hurt (continued)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mileena42 View Post
...he probably knows you well enough to "think" on that day, you would. To keep yourself from doing it...think of the satisfaction of knowing he might be looking for that wish! LOL.
LOL you're right. He no doubt is expecting it. No doubt about it. But if someone were to ask him he would say "No, of course not. She's her own person" etc.
I won't be sending him anything. Not even a free message from my phone nor a flimsy hotmail message (like he did last year with me).

I'm feeling slightly low this morning but it may be Monday morning blues.
My friends put photos of Saturday night on the social networking site we all use and in most of the pictures I am not looking good in the slightest which is a shame because I did look good and everyone talked about it yesterday at work which is nice

I'm more concerned with how I perceive myself right now. It isn't good.

And yes...thinking about it Mileena42...I'm not sitting here all depressed and pining away from him. Even I am not appreciating this enough or even amazed. But I guess that is a true sign of moving on - you just don't care what you feel about that person! And I don't and haven't and it's almost been a week. Normally I would hav cracked by now and contacted him.

 
Old 09-08-2008, 06:18 AM   #5
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Re: how to get rid of hurt (continued)

Isn't keeping a journal very theraputic? You sound like you are doing very well bluesky123! I am very proud of you. {{{hugs}}}

Now, I do want to address one question. Do not under ANY circumstances contact him with a "happy birthday" message or anything of the like. Contacting him opens the door to communications and leaves the potential for this whole cycle to start all over again. I'm sure you don't want that, right? And, like Mileena said, you will feel good knowing he is "expecting" you to contact him with a message and not doing it.

Believe it or not, you have come a very long way from when you first started posting. This is a process. You may have been broken up for a while but you are just now starting to deal with it so in reality, it's like it just happened. Does that make sense? The further you get into the healing process the better you will feel about yourself. Don't rush it or think you should feel a certain way, okay? Everyone is different and you need to allow yourself all of your feelings, good and bad. Just do not allow your feelings be an excuse for contact.

 
Old 09-08-2008, 10:40 AM   #6
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ergo4 HB User
Re: how to get rid of hurt (continued)

Good for you bluesky! Keep doing good things for yourself.

I'm pleased to say that after my most heart-wrenching break-up ever (one year ago exactly), one which I thought I would never recover from feels 100% finished. I took a bunch of necessary steps to do good things for myself, found some new friends, got very busy in music and such, oh, and took some tough love from the board -- all of which helped immensely.

How do I know it is 100% resolved? I took the time to look at the ex-BF's social network site (I didn't allow myself to look at it since January 1, 2008). I saw pictures of him and his now 1-year girlfriend. I started laughing because I didn't even find him in any of those pictures remotely attractive. In fact, he looked slightly evil and very weird. She looked all toothy and gummy and weird too (but that is just me being catty). They looked happy. But the feeling I got from not having any intense emotions made me realize how GOOD things have all turned out to be. The break-up galvanized me to love myself again, to take some much needed steps on getting my life back on-track.

It is a funny thing to think, "oh, I'll never find anyone I could love that much again" because it is just not true. I feel giddy being able to type this

 
Old 09-08-2008, 02:40 PM   #7
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Re: how to get rid of hurt (continued)

Thanks for the support

Didn't think about him all day. Got home, something came to mind, but then I started thinking about what colour to paint my toenails. I couldn't be bothered, actually no, I had no control, my mind just starting thinking about toe nails.
This is what I am like now...but a few minutes ago, I started to really hate him. I was reading a thread on the copper who is cheating on his girlfriend of 7.5 years and it made me realise what creeps are out there and how much I hate my ex. Things weren't easy with my ex and he ALWAYS blamed me and exaggerated. He always, and still did last week, go on about the pain I caused him. I was the one who got so hurt to the point where I became depressed, had to go counselling and ruined a year and a half of my life. And he still had the nerve to insult me to my face. Thing is - I NEVER FOUGHT BACK. AND I WISH I DID MORE THAN ANYTHING. I THINK ABOUT CALLING HIM AND SCREAMING AT HIM.

Phew. I'm really angry I am shaking.

It would be worth talking to him just to tell hime exactly what I think of him. He makes me sick - utter sickness. He reminds me of the vermin my aunt is currently divorcing - the resemblence is uncanny.

 
Old 09-08-2008, 03:04 PM   #8
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Re: how to get rid of hurt (continued)

Good! Get mad and stay mad! He cannot do this to you any longer!

 
Old 09-08-2008, 03:50 PM   #9
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Re: how to get rid of hurt (continued)

This is something really important you need to remember bluesky. Silence says more than any words can in this situation. Let me explain:

Calling him to tell him how angry you are shows him that you still care. It gives him the chance to hurt you again with his words and actions and he knows he still has control.

Not calling him (and venting here or in a journal instead) leaves him wondering what you are up to and why you haven't called him. Only then, through your silence, does he see that you are no longer there. That is more hurtful than anything you could say to him.

So please, stay angry at him because that will help you in the long run to get over him. But again, DO NOT CALL HIM!!!

 
Old 09-08-2008, 06:50 PM   #10
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Re: how to get rid of hurt (continued)

Just wanted to add.....when my first husband and I got divorced, I hated him so bad I use to lie in bed and think about all the horrible mutilations I could do to him. The way he treated me and my son....it was really bad.

One night I realized as long as I hated him, I still had an emotion for him..(even though not a good one)....and as long as I had some kind of emotion he still had some control over me. I started praying about how bad I wanted to hurt him (physically....I actually visualized cutting off body parts and lying down to sleep!)....I prayed God would take that from me and He did! The moment I was released from that, I knew I was truely free. I could see him, even be civil to him......because there was NOTHING inside me he could touch.

It was FREEDOM of the best kind. I pray you get there too!

Mileena

Last edited by Mileena42; 09-08-2008 at 06:50 PM.

 
Old 09-11-2008, 02:19 AM   #11
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Re: how to get rid of hurt (continued)

Thing is, I don't need to hate him! I don't want to! Its time consuming and I cannot put myself through any kind of emotion for him.
I get hurt sometimes, but it doesn't last for more than an hour - thinking about what had happened and how wrong he was.
It sickens me that I was so compromising, telling him I had changed, things had changed, and hearing him be negative about me and claiming he had done nothing wrong. It makes me angry and hate him.
And to be honest I just cannot be bothered but I guess it is natural and while I hope it'll fade and eventually disappear perhaps it is good - waking up and realising what an evil piece of ugly trash he was.

This morning I woke up to remember a dream I had of being on a nice exotic beach and I kept looking for him.
Last year he went travelling for two months. Visited isolated islands etc with a big group of young people he met out there.
He never told me about any of this - none of it. When we started talking, when we started seeing eachother, even as friends. Weirdo!

I wonder what else he kept secret. And why? Why would he have? It infuriates me even more.

There is no point to think about these thinbgs but they often just pop up and I can't switch offf like I do most of the day when he reappears in my thoughts.
Most of the time he just isn't there or when he is really do not care.

I don't want to see him but if I do it is no big deal - I'll just turn the other way. He doesn't even deserve a hello let alone my face.

I'm not extremly angry, bitter and filled with hatred - but remembering the really awful things irriates me and it is too much energy. I just don't care. But hey - I'll turn it into someting positive. I need to remember this crap to distance myself otherwise if I forget this all, I'd just go back, be in love, and not move on.

Last edited by bluesky123; 09-11-2008 at 02:21 AM.

 
Old 09-11-2008, 08:04 AM   #12
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Re: how to get rid of hurt (continued)

Yes, do remember. I believe your mind and psyche are attempting to heal themselves. Also, remember that this will not last forever. When I got dumped, I felt horrible, but I kept repeating to myself "suck it up...this will NOT last forever!". And it didn't...one day I woke up feeling different and I didn't know why...until I realized that it had been several days since I'd woken up thinking about him. Such freedom!

Concentrate on school, your friends, and what opportunites are open to you now that you don't have to plan your time around waiting for him to decide to let you into a little piece of his life. Live your own life and enjoy it!

 
Old 09-11-2008, 01:44 PM   #13
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Re: how to get rid of hurt (continued)

Wow. I'm really missing him. Deeply. Miss what we had. Really.

I'm scared - this is what I was afraid of feeling. What if it continues? I liked feeling numb before...

Hopefully this won't continue for long.

How I was feeling before got me through this last week.

Last edited by bluesky123; 09-11-2008 at 01:45 PM.

 
Old 09-11-2008, 02:11 PM   #14
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Re: how to get rid of hurt (continued)

this happens. we do miss..and it really hurts...it aches. It is part of really missing the person and what you had but it is also about being lonely. don't confuse the loneliness. Just get yourself up and out and do things or sleep it off.

It really does get a little better over time.

 
Old 09-11-2008, 02:26 PM   #15
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Re: how to get rid of hurt (continued)

Do you miss the way you were a year ago, or the way things have been for the past year? Because the past year is how things are going to be if you go back to him, or try to patch things up. The way things were before are gone, never to come back. And I know you know that.

It's ok to feel bad. The other thing I did besides telling myself to suck it up is to give myself permission to feel bad. It's ok to hurt, to feel sad and lonely. You aren't going to like it, but it's reality and you need to allow yourself to feel these things. It will be a roller coaster for a while, but, I promise, it will settle down. And just remember, you ARE doing the right thing. Do you want to stay with the way things have been for the past 6 months? You've been miserable!

You are going to be ok. And when you get through this you'll be glad you got yourself out of that miserable situation.

 
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