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lindsjean · 09-06-2008, 12:27 AM

Hi guys,

Well it is 1:50 central time and I was just thinking about my life. Generally speaking it isn't bad, except my love life. So my "new guy" has stopped calling

and his actions bring a lot of questions to mind. I think I am a pretty decent person....I go to school, I take my butt to the gym, I like to talk about everything from politics to sex.....and the list goes on.

I just don't understand. He went from calling me EVERYDAY sometimes twice a day to nothing; zip; nada. He doesn't even return my calls. The last time I called him was earlier this week and he still hasn't called me back. I am not mad at him, I am sure he has his own issues, but I am disappointed. It felt really nice to like someone in this world other than my ex. Oh and the sex was great! I mean great! It wasn't just about the sex, we talked a lot about different things.....sex was just icing on the cake.....

Anyways I meet guys all the time, but I am hardly interested in them. These are the guys that yell "hey baby"

when I am boarding the metro link or riding in my car

.....

Okay let me tell you about the last time the "new guy" and I interacted and may i have your opinion of the situation?

It was last Thur, he and I and some friends went to see a movie...after that he and I spent some time together. we had sex and I left afterwards...i left his house b/c...well i just felt like leaving. then i called him on Sunday and he told me he was out of town. since he is his own person, it didn't matter to me if he was out of town or not. after he told me where he was i said "okay, have fun" and we hung up. since then i haven't heard from him. i suspect he is in town b/c he owns his own business and has to take care of that.....

anyways i suspect most of you will tell me to move on, he is not worth it...and i must agree, but why do people act like this? nothing (that i know of ) went sour between us. we went from talking, hanging out, having sex, to NOTHING. *sigh*

I am not going to call him anymore

, but that doesn't mind the fact that I still think about him. I acknowledge the fact that we have never spent a "bad" moment together and how GREAT it felt to spend good moments with someone other than my ex. I appreciate everything that he brought into my life, even if it was only for a few months....but i really hate that our interaction stopped in the blink of an eye.

i am a bit bummed out....

Larrylou'smom · 09-06-2008, 03:16 AM

I'm sorry things didn't work out with the new guy, lind. That's just the way it goes. Men tend to make up their minds pretty quickly as to whether they want to pursue a relationship with or if it's just "having fun" for a while. This guy was obviously just "having fun" and just wasn't that into you.

I have to admit, I don't really understand it either. How someone can make love with you, swap fluids and do the most intimate thing two humans can do and then shrug and walk away like it was nothing. I don't get it, but unfortunately that's the world we live in. My advise is to just be true to yourself and know yourself. If it bothers you to have sex with someone who could just disappear like this guy did, if that causes pain, then hold off on the sex for a while until you know that the guy is a little more invested and won't just disappear and will at least have the courtesy of calling you and saying "I've met someone better suited/I just don't want to pursue this/etc. whatever."

happymom28 · 09-06-2008, 05:41 AM

Some people are just like that and you never know from person to person "why" they do it. Maybe they find it easier just not to call then to say it isn't working for them? I dated a guy for a couple of months and he just stopped calling me. It was weird and I was a little crushed because we really got along well, but I moved on. The 4 months later he called me out of the blue wanting to go get drinks and catch up. It turns out he went back with his ex to try to make it work (they were living together and had just recently broken up when we started dating) and he didn't have the heart to tell me. We talked and had a wonderful time. I wouldn't kiss him goodnight (points to me) and he was a little surprised by that. We talked for a few more months and as much as I liked him I just didn't trust him. I didn't want to get my heart broken again. Then I met my exhusband and the rest is history.

It could be he is out of town and busy with work. It could be that he just didn't want to deal with a "breakup" and stopped calling. It's best for you not to guess and just go on with your life. If he does call by all means ask him what happened as you deserve to know. But if he never calls you will be okay. You deserve a guy who respects you enough to return your calls.

Niclolu · 09-06-2008, 12:57 PM

Some women tend to associate sex with emotions so if you go to bed with the guy, you think you both have some emotional connection to one another. That is not the case with all men.

Some men are out to have fun and part of that fun is to sow their oats. They do not want to be tied down to one person and the excitement is to be with different women. It is not the women they are pursuing but the excitement itself. Life is their buffet of willing women.

In many cases as we often see and hear, they are too much of a coward to say goodbye because they do not want to deal with the woman's possible emotional reaction. It might make them feel guilty and they do not want to deal with it. Knowing that they are leaving a trail of victims would take some of the fun out of the pollinating game.

Keep in mind though, there are nice men out there who do not play these games. Don't automatically think it is anything that you have done. It stinks though and I can truly sympathize with you.

cathy1 · 09-06-2008, 01:08 PM

And they say women are tough to figure out??? I don't have sex with anyone now unless its clear we are exclusive and in a "relationship'. Problem is you sometimes can't even tell with a guy... it appears they like you but then they disapear. Until I see the guy is nuts about me I don't have sex with them. At my age, I can tell when someone is serious about me and if my saying (paraprasing here) "I don't have sex with just anyone, only when I know the person I'm with is looking for something special with just ME") and if that scares them away.. then I know that it wasn't right for me and he wasn't serious. Any guy that runs from that type of statement isn't into me enough and might bolt... but if he stays, then chances are he wants to stick around. No guarantees on anything but it makes me feel I'm not sleeping with some guy that does the Houdini act.... I have zero respect for guys that dissapear without a trace... cowards in my book.

lindsjean · 09-06-2008, 09:31 PM

First of all thanks guys for your support, it is tremendous! It is refreshing to hear your words of encouragement.

I am not beating myself up trying to figure out what I did, rather analyzing the situation and trying to figure out how i can avoid going through this in the future. You guys have a good ideas avoiding situations like this.....sex! I probably should wait to and be sure that a person wants to stick around for a while....
Also he and I were talking about family and friends sticking together and helping with a business.....anyways he said "the only person that should be by myside 100% is my wife." his statement lead/leads me to beleive that he has core family values and he wants a strong family....as I said I suppose this is the case, however this is not the case between us.... In other words he wants his wife to help be the backbone, but I am not his wife. underneath it all i think he is a good guy, but this is a bad situation.....

I think happymom's situation is like mine....I know that he was with his ex for a while and was going to marry her.... She moved out of town and that time apart might have brought them back together. I remember things that he used to say to me....The first couple times i went over to his house, i meet his business partner.... His business partner was half way asleep on the couch and just said hi as opposed to shaking my hand. later the "new guy" expressed to him that his actions were rude in his eyes. he said "obviously i really like her and she is going to be around....I brought her to the house to meet you...."

I don't know if it is healthy or not to reflect on these situations but they do not make me angry, on the contrary they put a smile on my face. As mentioned in my previous letter I enjoyed spending time with someone who (I thought) respected me. There was never a bad moment between the two of us and I am truly thankful for that.

After going through the breakup with my ex, I was worried that I would be bitter and cold, but as this relationship has shown me I am not. I am disappointed with his actions but satisfied with mine.

For example: My aunt called me today and asked if the "new guy" came up with a bid for the repairs on her house. (the new guy owns a construction co) I didn't mentioned that I haven't talked to him and that I am hurting....I said "no, he hasn't mentioned anything yet." So I called him today and left him a msg about the business between him and my aunt...then i left him her number so he wouldn't have to call me back. I did this b/c of two reasons: 1) business is business. even through he wasn't fair to me, he is good at what he does and will give my family a decent rate. 2) I don't want to be selfish and hold hard feeling against ANYONE in this world.....no matter how much i hurt.

L

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