Re: 20 years down the drain
Thank you for responding. We were very active before I got pregnant with our first who'll be 19 in November. After his birth, my husband would no longer express or show affection. Because I love him, I put up with this. I suggested marriage, therapy, etc. but he only asked for time. I gave him 19 years -- he can perform but chooses not to. I don't blame myself because I feel I was communicating with him. Along with the marriage counseling we did for a while, he also has a therapist he was seeing once a week. Things got tough, so he goes every two weeks. He has confesses, however, that he kept the affairs from her. Today he says he wants to start over, but I just can't. Along with the betrayal the biggest pain is him denying the fact he has children. I know I will get through this. The difficult part is that I love him, but I cannot forgive him for this pain. If I had rejected him and not sought help throughout the years, or found casual intimacy elsewhere, I don't think I would be hurting so much. But I stayed by his side through thick and think and he broke our sacred vows -- I can't get passed through that. He will not admit to everything he's done. I continue to find things on the net about his deceitfulness. I need to be strong for my children, but I get to get throught he pain and the tears first. I believe there is a man out there who will appreciate me for who I am and the love I have for family. I'm not jumping to find someone . . . my focus are my children and moving forward with them. I deserve better and I know that God has a plan for me. It just hurts to much . . .