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Old 09-12-2008, 08:13 AM   #1
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How Am I Supposed to Get Over This?

Hello all. I'm not sure how to begin here, so I'm just going to dive right into it. About two weeks ago, I caught my girlfriend of a year and a half cheating on me. This was after an entire summer of me being suspicious of her and jealous of other guys she was spending time with. But I decided to trust her. I thought I was just being dumb and insecure. Anyway, she told me that the night I caught her was the only time she'd ever done anything like that. I'm not sure I believe her, but I don't even want to think about it because it still hurts too much. We had a long talk that night and broke up. We realized that our relationship had been going south for a little while already, and I just wish we could have communicated and found a way to work through our problems. Or if the relationship really needed to end, at least it wouldn't have ended so painfully for me.

My friends think I'm doing ok, but in reality, I'm not even close. I started seeing a therapist a week ago, but I'm not sure how much she's really helping. I've think I've finally convinced myself that there was nothing I did that caused her to cheat, there was nothing I could have done that would justify her cheating, and I just need to realize that it's not my fault.

The thing I'm struggling with was how my girlfriend could have done something like that to me. I loved her so much and cared about her so much. She was my first serious girlfriend. I loved her with all my heart, and I trusted her completely. I even almost told her my biggest secret, which I have never talked to anybody about in almost ten years. And I believe that she really loved me. She told me that what I caught her doing was just a mistake that she made, something that just happened. Again, I don't know if I can believe that, and I really don't even want to think about it.

The point is, now that we're finished and it's time for me to move on, how am I supposed to ever trust anybody as much as I trusted her? I mean, I absolutely gave our relationship everything I had. I felt this incredible connection with her. How am I ever supposed to feel that with anybody ever again? And if I do feel that with somebody, how am I supposed to trust my feelings? If I give myself to someone else like that again, how do I know they're not just going to hurt me the way that she hurt me?

 
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Old 09-12-2008, 09:02 AM   #2
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Re: How Am I Supposed to Get Over This?

How do you know that when you wake up in the morning that you aren't going to get hit by a car? Life is a crap shoot you do the best you can. I am sorry that your girlfriend decided for whatever reason decided you just weren't the guy for her. That's why it is dating...this is the time you both decide if this is someone that you can live with for the rest of your life. It is also the time that sometimes someones heart is going to be broken. Perhaps next time you might the one to decide this isn't the girl for you and she will be the one to be in pain. You will love again and you will trust again...just don't reveal yourself too fast to anyone. Dating is a process and it is sometimes a long process...take your time with it. good luck.

 
Old 09-12-2008, 09:11 AM   #3
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Re: How Am I Supposed to Get Over This?

I've been cheated on before, several times in fact. And honestly, it never really goes away. You always know what people are capable of, and it makes it harder to ever trust someone again. I'm pretty much at the point now that instead of giving someone my trust until they break it, they have to earn my trust over time. I hate that I am that way, but after my past, that's just how it is. And, I still have trust issues sometimes, but not as bad. The biggest thing you need to realize is that everyone is different. Some people are completely trust worthy (myself included, I would never cheat!). And, the thing you have going for you is that you kinda knew something was wrong. You were jealous and were having issues with all the guys she was hanging around with, so in some way, you already suspected her of cheating. Which is good. You would be far worse off if you were caught totally off guard. I hope that makes sense.

It takes time to heal from a betrayal like that, but you can, and you will. Don't let one bad experience ruin your future relationships, it's not worth it.

 
Old 09-12-2008, 11:22 AM   #4
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Re: How Am I Supposed to Get Over This?

My first ever boyfriend cheated on me, too. And I didn't know if I'd ever trust again. My second bf didn't cheat but there was a girl who kept trying to get him to do it. He was really clueless. My third and 4th bf's cheated on me and so did my 6th. You'd think I would never trust again, right? WRONG!

This is the thing, each new person that you date is an individual. Until that person proves otherwise, you have no reason to think they will cheat. And if they do, then it's their fault and it's their flaw. It's not about you, it's about them and their issues. And the sooner you realize that, the easier it will be to start dating again. And not necessarily blaming yourself if things go bad again in your next relationship. Hey, it happens! People get cheated on ALL the time! But somehow people move on and they find someone new and they get over it. That's how life goes.

 
Old 09-12-2008, 11:48 AM   #5
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Re: How Am I Supposed to Get Over This?

She probably lied to you and thouht she wouldn't get caught.

She did....and now you need to leave her be. If she did it to you she will do it again to you and she will be a cheat forever.

You deserve better. Get rid of her and build yourself up. Look for the love and respect you deserve. the pain goes away (not always completely) or it gets easier to deal with over time. Just don't let this change you, she will regret what she did.

 
Old 09-13-2008, 01:16 AM   #6
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plaxmax34 HB User
Re: How Am I Supposed to Get Over This?

Quote:
Originally Posted by dma11663 View Post
She probably lied to you and thouht she wouldn't get caught.

She did....and now you need to leave her be. If she did it to you she will do it again to you and she will be a cheat forever.

You deserve better. Get rid of her and build yourself up. Look for the love and respect you deserve. the pain goes away (not always completely) or it gets easier to deal with over time. Just don't let this change you, she will regret what she did.
Yeah, she and I already broke up a few weeks ago. I just hate that people are capable of doing this to one another. I hate that anyone could ever cheat on their significant other after building up trust and making a commitment to a monogamous relationship. Like my girlfriend would have been one of the last people I would have expected to do something like that, because I thought she had so much integrity and moral strength. I think about what she did, and then I see the girls walking around my college campus, and you can just see that a lot of them just don't have that same level of integrity. If she could do something like that, then I bet most of them could do it, too.

I think right now I'm just a little disgusted with people in general. I was talking to a friend about this tonight and we realized that we have a lot of female friends who are just very weak. They have low self-esteem and they are emotionally weak, and it is just disheartening to realize that a lot of them have probably succumb to weakness at some point and cheated on their boyfriends. Don't get me wrong, guys cheat too. But not me. I couldn't live with myself after betraying someone like that and causing so much pain.

Thank you for your advice. I'm sure that in time, I'll find someone else to fall in love with, and I'm sure I will find it in me to trust that person.

 
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