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Old 09-13-2008, 07:35 PM   #1
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wow. just my luck.

Oh. My. Goodness.

So I started dating someone new since the last winner. Three dates in, he tells me that his last relationship didn't work out because he was secretly doing adult films less than 3 years ago. They were gay films, by the way. He wanted to make money and he went the easy way out. He didn't tell anyone about it, until his girlfriend found out about it online from friends of friends. He said he went to a psychiatrist to get help and he figured out that he didn't respect himself, yada yada.

Could you date someone that you knew was in porn? I can't even believe that this is something I am discussing.
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Old 09-13-2008, 08:04 PM   #2
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Re: wow. just my luck.

Wow is right. I would run as fast as I could from this one. Could I date someone like this? No. But you need to ask yourself that question cause it is your choice and your life.

If its only been 3 dates then you are probably not emotionally attached or even invested in this man so now is the time to cut it off if I were you. Are you okay that he was doing gay porn? Are you okay that he took the easy way out and made "easy money"? Has he overcome his lack of respect for himself after his therapy?

You really need to figure out what values and morals are important to you in a partner. He lied to his ex girlfriend, probably put her health at risk due to his low respect for himself. Is this someone you want to put your energy and heart into?

Whats going on in your head about this situation? What are your thoughts about the whole thing? And how much do you really care for this person?

 
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Old 09-13-2008, 08:11 PM   #3
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Re: wow. just my luck.

Oh no! If he is willing to do that, what else would he be willing to do when a need arises? He could wear a full body condom and I would still worry about what kind of disease he could bring back to me. Just the thought of what his "job" entails, or entailed, is just too much for me. Please be careful with that!

 
Old 09-13-2008, 08:24 PM   #4
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Re: wow. just my luck.

I knew it was too good to be true. He is so good looking and has an amazing body. The thought of him doing stuff with other men disgusts me. I can't believe how honest he was with me about it though. He said in his last relationship, which was over 3 years long, he had cheated on his girlfriend, then he had done gay porn to make easy money. Its so sick, he said that they would take drugs before doing scenes to help them through it. So disgusting. He says that its, "all in the past", and he "got help for it". But I dont know, thats a little too crazy for me.
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Old 09-13-2008, 09:47 PM   #5
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Re: wow. just my luck.

You are the only one who can answer the question whether you should date this man or not. We all have different values. I personally would not, but you are not me. As I said people are different. There are women who marry men who have done worse things than your bf, men who are in prison for murder.
So, it is really up to you to look at your values and decide what is acceptable to you and what is not acceptable.
The fact that your bf did what he did, says a lot about his values.

 
Old 09-14-2008, 02:52 AM   #6
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Re: wow. just my luck.

Wow....where do you keep finding these guys? This is a real trip! I agree with the others that you'll have to decide for yourself if this is something you can live with or not. But if it were me, I'd say Not.

 
Old 09-14-2008, 06:53 AM   #7
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Re: wow. just my luck.

Once went out with a man who told me on the first date he has a history of using prostitutes. He hadn't for several years once he decided he wanted to find a permanent relationship. But that was it for me. I appreciated his honestly although he told me because his 4 brothers knew and would eventually tell. But secondly, it jaded the way he thought in general. He actually believed all men used prostitutes, all women would occasionally prostitute themselves if they were short of cash and everyone used drugs in relationship to sex. He believed that stuff because it was his 15 year history as an adult.

Doing things like this changes a person. Sounds like he's gotten help and that's a big step. But like everyone else says, you know him first hand and would know whether you believe he can really overcome this.

As a side bar, my guess is that this isn't all that rare. Think about the number of porn sites out there and the number of stupid drunk kids who are willing to do this once or twice. This guy just did it often enough to be above the radar but I'll bet there are many who fly low on this one these days. If I had a kid leaving for college it would be a part of the discussion before he or she got drunk and someone had $300 in an envelope ready to hand them.

 
Old 09-14-2008, 07:59 AM   #8
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Re: wow. just my luck.

dodedoo, I don't think you can really base what you do or don't do with this new guy on what other people would or wouldn't do. I personally don't think I could seriously date someone who had ever been involved in the porn industry at all, in fact I wouldn't want to date anyone who USED porn in any real way, but that's just me. You have to go by your OWN sense of right and wrong and forgiveness and what you believe about human nature and all that, and weigh the pros and cons about this guy. Good luck.

 
Old 09-14-2008, 09:00 AM   #9
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Re: wow. just my luck.

I know I need to decide for myself. I was just curious how other people felt. Apparently his porn can still be seen online. Since it was years ago its slowly moving to the back of the list until in like 5 years it will retire itself out. I think I would vomit if I saw it. But I can't imagine anyone finding out about it, like friends or family. I'd feel so stupid. So I don't think I could continue a relationship.



Tivo..this is what you get when you live in nyc. A big mix.
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Old 09-14-2008, 11:03 AM   #10
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Re: wow. just my luck.

Well I think you've had a VERY lucky escape here.
I doubt most men who wanted to cover up a past like that wouldn't admit to it especially after a few dates.
Imagine if you had found out a few years down the line!
I am surprised he admitted cheating on his previous partner.
As if the first wasn't bad enough!

Run and don't look back!!

 
Old 09-15-2008, 08:57 AM   #11
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Re: wow. just my luck.

I think you should run away now. Don't look back. Forget it.

 
Old 09-16-2008, 07:05 AM   #12
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Re: wow. just my luck.

doodedoo this is just GOOFY!!!
Are you seriously even pondering what to do here girl? LOL
NO I wouldn't date a guy that did porn.........ESPECIALLY gay porn!
He's gay for starters, and who knows what STD's he's been exposed to......
you do know that these porn stars have died from aids, right?
He has no values......what kinda guy goes and does gay porn for some extra cash......most guys I know would look for a real job, maybe even deliver pizza's if they had to.....gimmee a break. No straight guy would do gay porn for all the money in the world. He's blowing smoke up your you know what.
There's really nothing to think about here and it's really confusing me that you think there is!

 
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