My sister moved to CO on Thursday. Now the strange thing is, though we never got along and i'd give anything to help her move in and be there for her the first month b/c i feel guilty that it should have been me there with her, instead of Alanna, I am thankful that Kara& Johnny have such good friends that are there for them. Johnny& Kara's friend Joe is coming there as well, Alanna and him are staying for awhile. I miss my sister and Tony& Mikey. I'm going to save up and see her before Dec. Nicholas got sick this weekend, he's feeling better after 4 days of being sick. Its worse with his asmatha. I'm really worried about my sis in CO, i hope that everything works out. she's had a few rough days. I'm going to miss Tony& Mikey. But they had to make a better life for their family and its good. We bought a web cam to see each other b/c they have one on the laptop.
I just found out, M moving to FL in June. I wish he didn't have to again, i wont beg him to stay though. I want him to be happy. I wish that we had a better friendship and i could trust him with Nicholas. I wish i could turn the clocks back and say this " I know your upset i got pregnant but lets get to know each other so you can see your child alone and also i would have given him the papers about Ehlers Danlos Syndrome so he could take care of Nicholas while getting to know his son.( my parents never hated M, infact they offered him to live with me.) He had the oppertunity to live in my apt with me. I would have helped him go back to school, register for suffolk and get finical aide papers for Jan. I would have helped him find a job out here and we could have given C a place to live and N and C would been able to live with each other and become close and he would have his other child come over and sleep over. ( its a fantasy, not reality. We all want things we can't have. Its called obess. That i do, too much ha ha)
I couldn't say yes to him when he asked me out that first time i met him, I was still in love with John and it just tore my heart. He got me over j and i fell in love with him. I really thought we were soulmates, it was the wrong time we met. He broke my heart but he's making up for the past. We have been getting along quite well for almost a month now. i don't want to be a secret, i don't want to be disliked, . Maybe i'm selfish that it has nothing to do with my son and i wanted him for myself.. How can i let go of him ,when i want something with him.. i dunno i'm confused. Sometimes i wish it was like before we had our son, we went to the movies,bowling, we had deep talks and hung out. i'm not in love with him. i feel like this situation is a twist of romeo and juliet. his mother said don't bother with her no more, Part of why we can't be together is b/c i don't want his daughter's mother to take away his daughters from him, I don't understand why i need her approval?
My son's father said i need to tell her how i feel, is it b/c earlier in 2003 tried to break up them up? His mother said i was immature, Also crazy and pyscho, yet she still has pictures of my son around her house as her " distant nephew" i wish his mother got to know me, i'm not a bad person. I'm not even allowed over there. I wish she'd see her grandson..
Last edited by patteecake; 09-15-2008 at 07:23 AM.
I am sooooo confused. Now, if you want advice please slow down and think about what it is you are writing, and remember that we don't know your history......so you can't assume we know what you are referring too. Waaayyy too much jumping around and I have no idea what your problem might be.
You did have a rough week. The people you care about are moving away or have moved away. Sounds like you have regrets about not being able to let bygones by bygones and make peace with them. You sound very lonely.
Have you told your sister and the father of your child how you feel about them and how you would like to have a better relationship with them? Sometimes, that helps to get things rolling.
Me and my sister can't live together, so this move of hers saved our relationship. My sister and i went to counseling, it did help slowly, we will work on a better relationship.
As for my ex, he too has feelings for me and is confused, i feel that a relationship would never work out. But i wanted to give it a try.
I am lonely, i shouldn't be , i have a big family and a son. but i get bored easily of staying in my house. I need to be moving around. The internet is an outlet to me. I enjoy making friends and sharing my experiences with people, maybe i'll relate to them or them to me.
Also i have spoken to both my sis and my son's father and we fight. We can't live together.
Part of the reason i can't let bygones be bygones is i'm stuck in the past. I know i want to see my son's father more than i want him in our son's life. I don't trust him, nor my son's daughter's mother as well, yet we all are civil. i know your question is why do i want a relationship. its an obession, the meaning to have an extended family as my couslor says. Also i let people hurt me so i can't feel the pain of true emotion. I let my aniexty get to me and thats all the emotions i feel.